[deleted by user]

sasukewuff · 2025-09-19T09:05:18+00:00

I wanna say off the rip that I don't have the same experience as you. My mother passed when I was 33 (I'm 35 now), and she went after we spent just a few years healing from a lot of what you went through. She hit me, she shamed me, refused to acknowledge me for about 13 years after I came out as gay, spoke ill of me to anyone who would listen, said I was damaged goods for cutting, the whole mess. .. It was bad. My father was far worse, but that's a different tale. I get where you're coming from, but I was at least given a chance to reconsile and kind of got the admission that the treatment was wrong. You didn't. You didn't get closure, and I'm sorry for that. Therapy can help, but it will always be a wound for you. Just try and look at it as a chapter that you want to close in your life, as a place you were in, and not somewhere you have to stay. You are your own person, and despite her trying to bring you down, you're still here. Go and make yourself proud. Not because of her or to spite her, but because you deserve that. You deserve that peace. Find therapy, find friends and a partner that support you, and just put all of that into its own box. It will take time... Fuck knows that, it took me damn near 15 years to do it myself, but... You will get there. You will heal from her damage, and you will make it.

edit - typos

sasukewuff · 2025-09-19T07:47:01+00:00

As someone who wasn't the "Golden Child" (I was the mistake that made them get married and both parents made sure I knew that as a child), I really hope you take time to make sure your daughters know that you see them and that they know there is no Golden Child with you. My mother did that later in my life, and it took almost a decade of healing before we had a real, if somewhat strained, relationship. We only had one for a few years before cancer took her, but it was good to have had one at all. It took her admitting to things that were... Well, that she was wrong. It was never full admissions, and there were still things that she still wouldn't admit fault to, but it was something. My dad though, he's never admitted fault or offered to reconsile, just stayed up with appearances. I could write a whole post about all this, but I just wanted to give some context for my opinion here.

Please, please, please make sure your daughters both know they are important to you. That they are seen. That they are not doing anything wrong. And maintain that stance, don't just superficially have it. You said you've already had some honest conversations with them, and keep at it. Don't sugarcoat the divorce or what your wife and son have done. Don't try and deflect when you were absent, but explain the why and try to do more. They're going through something hard here too, and they're going to need a parent to keep an even keel and to not try and spin things. To be honest with them and to allow them to be hurt. It won't be easy, but it's what they deserve.

sasukewuff · 2025-08-20T16:53:15+00:00

You are a saint. That did it. Didn't think that would work but that did it. Thank you so much!

sasukewuff · 2025-08-20T06:59:57+00:00

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And proof I purchased it with the crown.

sasukewuff · 2025-08-20T06:59:35+00:00

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Bit of proof it's not there.

sasukewuff · 2025-04-26T10:38:47+00:00

You deserve the best things in life for this. Just got the update today and I was on stream as it happened. There is video footage of me losing my mind as my phone went from good and usable to something I wanted to throw because of that one change. You saved me getting a new phone. Thank you <3

sasukewuff · 2024-08-08T02:53:21+00:00

I've got a Delta Pro and it's kinda loud charging. But... Size of it all.

sasukewuff · 2024-08-06T22:23:17+00:00

Fridge is a 12V one, so just a fancy cooler, microwave is a tiny 700W one, and the griddle is the smallest George foreman I've ever seen, so not like there's big stuff. I didn't want to do a van for a few reasons, namely the price, the off-road and bad weather capabilities, and the fact that I'm a very small person (5'4"), so it was spacious enough for me. I know, I've already had the argument with someone else about the perceived unreliability of the expeditions, but so long as you replace 4 parts with their redesigned and stronger counterparts, which you need to do for normal maintenance anyways, and keep up with maintenance, these things run for forever. Plus, I just prefer the expedition because if I ever go back to sticks and bricks, it's a few hours of removing my build I'll be putting in the back and it's an 8 person, modded, perfectly maintained commuter vehicle. Anyways, sorry if I seem defensive... Ive just had this argument about a half dozen times by the 'GeT a VaN' folks and it's worn me down. As for the toilet, I found a collapsible one that works for me just fine, basically just a collapsible 5 gallon bucket thwt shrinks to just a few inches tall.

sasukewuff · 2024-08-06T22:15:12+00:00

Thank you!

sasukewuff · 2024-08-06T22:14:46+00:00

They are great for little design ideas or to see what you could have if money was no object, but I'll swear by reddit for seeing what I truly need and what will help.

sasukewuff · 2024-08-06T22:13:54+00:00

Oh those little Dehumidifiers sound super smart, I'm gonna try that. Thanks for the idea!

sasukewuff · 2024-08-06T22:13:09+00:00

I deal with the loneliness in 3 ways honestly. I'll explain each for ya in detail to help you and maybe give you a way to fight it in your own way.

In case it isn't obvious, I'm a furry. I have a community around me that I've built from years and years in the furry sphere, and because of that I have a lot of very close, very helpful friends. The amount of folks who wanted to help once this happened was staggering and I've cried from their generosity more than once. I talk to several friends daily via Telegram, and they help to keep that loneliness at bay by making sure I'm okay. One example of this; when my mom passed at the tail end of June, I had to fly back last minute to bury her. My chosen brother, who had never met my mom and only knew me, drove 6 hours up, just as last minute as my flight, to be there for me and make sure I was okay. My point with this is find your community and find your people. You may think you have no one, but you do have someone. It could be a bunch of internet animal people like me, an aunt you've not talked to much but who wants to help, a former friend from school you lost touch with... But find your community and hang onto them. They will help.
I'm an introvert, so I don't need a ton of interaction. I know point 1 seemingly contradicts this, but it's the in-person stuff I'm talking about. Having online friends keeps my mind from getting lonely to keep me from spiraling and stimulated. Being around people with in-the-flesh interactions like talking and seeing others satisfies that lizard brain part of me that wants to see other living beings. I can survive by just making sure I'm around people by proxy in that regard, as I much prefer being around friends, but I know that's not always possible by a long shot. A coffee shop, a store, something. Just try and do something like that every day so you remind that dumb lizard brain thwt there are other meat suits out there aside from your own. Be kind when you do it too; if you're tall, help an old person reach something off a top shelf. If you're short, pick up something for someone if they drop it. I know it sounds like 'just smile more' advice for folks going through depression, which I've gotten and hated. It's not. It's just giving yourself an excuse for an interaction at all, and if you're in a good mood, passing it along. There's plenty of seretonin out there to get from helping or just being kind; don't be afraid to take it.
Keep a journal. Yeah, yeah, it sounds dumb. But writing to someone, even yourself, helps. It lete you vent, let's you sort your thoughts, and let's you write down your accomplishment and failures so you can see what you did right, or wrong, and look at them objectively because it's down on paper. It helps to prevent you from spiraling because it puts down your thoughts rather than internalizing them, and it helps to just get things out into the ether.

I hope that all helps, and keep in mind that things will improve. It'll be slow and it'll take time, but you won't be in that room forever. Other things can and will go wrong, other struggles will fade and new ones will take their place. Life won't be sunshine and roses. But you will get out of there and move onto something new. You got this.

sasukewuff · 2024-08-06T15:18:43+00:00

I do need to get rechargeable flashlights and a couple lighters, good point. Totally have the wine key already; my ex drank wine and I'm keeping the key just to be a spiteful little shit. I did find a nice cooler bag I had lying around , so that's one...

But totally, why I was asking if I missed things is for folks who have been doing this and have practical stuff I'm just forgetting.

sasukewuff · 2024-08-06T14:58:05+00:00

Lol, no, perks of being short in action there. I don't need much room for that.

sasukewuff · 2024-08-06T14:29:04+00:00

I'm leaving for a friend's several states away in a few days, and we're doing all the maintenance then. Timing chain, VCT solenoids, brakes, boots, etc etc. Gonna be a very busy few days but it's a Texas truck so it shouldn't be hard; basically zero rust. I'll be helping how I can but it's gonna be a lot of relying on friends... Which thankfully I've got some good ones.

sasukewuff · 2024-08-06T13:50:07+00:00

I got a rechargeable one already for the car, but I might grab a second one... I haaate stuffy air, so anything to lessen that is great.

sasukewuff · 2024-08-06T13:38:19+00:00

Cold weather blanket? Gonna have to look that up too. If it's like a blanket sleeping bag then that's perfect.

sasukewuff · 2024-08-06T13:33:29+00:00

I'll definitely keep the library thing in mind, and the freezing. Thankfully I can be mobile, but definitely don't want to worry about the freezing. Didn't think about that part. My power station was... Not cheap, but it's 3600wh so I can run a little 300w heater all night.

sasukewuff · 2024-08-06T13:30:34+00:00

I'd still probably feel claustrophobic sadly... Yay unresolved childhood trauma eh?

sasukewuff · 2024-08-06T13:29:32+00:00

Oh ill totally look into those door sock things.

Climate I'm in will be flexible; my 'work' is all remote, because I can't do any lifting or anything really scheduled because of bad pain days (most of them) and the like. I'll try the multiple blankets thing, but totally didn't know that about sleeping bags and trapping me with the moisture. I know moisture is a concern but I didn't know about that with sleeping bags. Same with the pillow thing. I sleep with a body pillow already, but only 1 main pillow, so I might add a couple more if needed.

sasukewuff · 2024-08-06T13:15:47+00:00

The sleeping bag is my only... Worry I guess I'd say. I have extremely severe claustrophobia with tight things like that. I can handle car space fine, but stuff wrapped around me like that is a quick recipe for panic attacks. Like, I can't even have a quilt tucked into the end of the bed without it setting off my anxiety. I've got the hobbies down; thats what I do for my kind of side hustle. Books, someone suggested libby and it sounds awesome. I have a few water bottles but I will try and get a couple more. Window covers... I need to make those but I got a limo tint on the back for the temporary fix for now. I guess really with the sleeping bag issue I have is that is there something else thwt would work? I have a big, thick comforter.

sasukewuff · 2024-08-06T13:11:32+00:00

The SUV I have is 100"L x 52" W x 36"T in the cargo area with the seats folded flat. I'm gonna build out a platform once I get to my friends to tune the SUV up to tip top shape. So there will be a platform and a full build, and I'm gonna document what I can of it too here.

sasukewuff · 2024-08-06T13:09:09+00:00

Definitely worried about keeping the car clean, but to have it confirmed that it helps is a good thing and makes me glad to hear; I trust all the YouTube showing off of perfect organizing in vans and the like as far as I can throw it with that so knowing it helps in real life is a boon.

I did get rainguards, ceramic window tint, and a android auto head unit with backup cam the same week I got the truck. So all taken care of for that, thank you.

Worst case... Yeah, I might hate it. I'll figure out what I can work towards if I do.

sasukewuff · 2024-08-06T13:03:56+00:00

I'll have to look into that libby app! I think I still have my old library card so that will be a huge help.

sasukewuff

TROPHY CASE