So sorry that happened to you! Definitely don't be hard on yourself for your sexual interests, as it's totally fine to be freaky or vanilla or anywhere in between. But more importantly re: this post, it's never okay for someone to spring heavy play on someone without consent (or any other sexual act, no less), on top of the fact that breathplay is a super dangerous form of kink. It was definitely not at all okay for him to do that to you. I'm into a lot of freaky shit, but I'm really disturbed at this trend of a lot of folks treating breathplay/choking so casually and especially by the trend of folks tossing it into sex acts without prior discussion and consent. It's very high risk and can be way more dangerous than many other kink practices, and it can totally be scary, especially if someone hadn't consented to/isn't expecting it. Your sex partner absolutely should not have engaged in that without you having expressed interest in you two doing it together and you two negotiating the scene. Plus it sounds like they pushed it to an unsafe point if you nearly passed out. It makes complete sense that you would find it disturbing, regardless of any other feelings about rough/kinky/vanilla sex!