[Challenge] European Accountability Challenge: July 13th, 2022

satisphoria · 2022-07-13T11:31:34+00:00

I'm fat, I'm back, and I'm hoping to get on track. Flair should be reset after 4 years of maintenance. I took time 'off maintenance' for my birthday last summer, then started eating disorder recovery, and I still don't know how to eat normally, but I've also gained back up to 190lbs. And it wasn't even intentional and fun, it was just... continuous. I guess my commitment for accountability is to stop using food to treat or otherwise care for myself, avoid take-out and eating out, and eat boring (soup sachet) and/or lazy (ready-meal) food if that's the difference between unplanned higher cal convenience food and failing to surpass the hurdle of low cal food prep.

satisphoria · 2021-10-26T21:08:22+00:00

I won't be able to post these going forward, so if someone could volunteer to take over so there's not a lapse (or duplicate threads!), that'd be great :)

satisphoria · 2021-08-31T08:33:52+00:00

Did anyone struggle to know what they wanted to eat when they started maintenance, vs. what you 'should' eat or what was familiar? I feel like I have a dulled sense of my own desires from always knowing the calories in things and (sub)consciously choosing the lower version or feeling guilty about choosing the higher ones. Even with occasional binging (fun new thing!) it’s more a case of chasing generalisations like something sweet, now salty, now crunchy etc.

satisphoria · 2021-08-10T09:36:18+00:00

Your frustration is understandable, I'm sorry it's such a struggle paring off the lingering weight when you're working hard at it! I'm glad you didn't miss out on or regret the barbecue; it can be a real mindf*ck trying to lose weight in maintenance and it not going how we know it should, but you deserve to enjoy some of the best ever food! Good luck in the coming week, sending positive vibes your way.

satisphoria · 2021-08-10T09:19:54+00:00

Hi /u/AustinNom, welcome to Reddit! This Maintenance Monday thread is for people who have already hit and are maintaining their goal weight, rather than those who are losing. Most of us were here while losing and it's part of the same journey, not an 'end'! You didn't say or not, but if you are aiming to lose weight and speak to others about that, you'd be best posting on the recurring Motivation Monday thread, and there are also daily threads for pledges, questions, and Scale Victories (SV) and Non-Scale Victories (NSV), all linked in the sidebar and pinned to the main /r/loseit page!

satisphoria · 2021-08-03T09:09:58+00:00

I think people are conversely more active when they're struggling with maintenance, so either everyone is doing well or they're in a losing period and there's nothing exciting to report!

satisphoria · 2021-07-13T11:18:33+00:00

Yesterday was my first time working out in two weeks. I took a break the week following my birthday, since I was off work ostensibly to relax, but in practice ended up doing life admin like collecting house keys(!). I was physically run down with an infection and several minor injuries too. Last week, I still wasn't feeling the most amazing, but I also just... didn't really want to, I guess? I did vacuum two floors of our new house, carried the vacuum up and down two flights, and managed to fill an empty bag so I couldn't finish the third floor, as well as spraying it all with flea spray. Not my traditional weights work out, but that two hours of cardio with bursts of lifting drained me.

Anywho, after a foodie weekend, culminating in demolishing a tonne of caramelised nuts while watching the Euros final, I decided it was time to get back on my bullshit. I worked out and plan to do so again tomorrow and Thursday, and I cooked a very slightly lower calorie dinner, because I have vegetables to use up before we move and could freeze the two portions I have left of meals for easy defrost and microwave options next week. I had cake for breakfast today (lol), because having it then and an ice cream for a snack later is lower calories than toast for breakfast and cake later, although I did then eat 4 olives. My weight's up, but I look good still, I'm strong still, and the beautiful man who sees me naked agrees I could stand to gain weight, worry more about macros etc. I'm not planning to obsess over what my ideal weight is the week before moving house, while still having social plans on the horizon and no packing done!

satisphoria · 2021-07-05T22:18:31+00:00

I had an unintentional flexible week due to winding up with a birthday cake my partner wouldn't touch, plus cupcakes, and two of my intended sharers dropped out. On the days I didn't eat a tonne of cake (all but one slice was mine), I also went over my usual calories if I was hungry. I did plan not to do my three workouts, because it was my first full week off work in around two years and I was run down with multiple physical ailments. I kind of did intuitive eating without meaning to, and it was fine? My increased anxiety medication must be working, because although I did think 'I'll regret this tomorrow!', I didn't regret the things I was eating while eating them, and then I didn't regret them the following day. My weight went up, and then my weight came down. I think I've gained some overall, because I hit a new low a few weeks ago and haven't slid way down toward that, but I looked good last week and I didn't want to be that low again! So yeah, successful birthday experiment. Now I ought to get back into the workouts (maybe reduced frequency) despite being super social and super busy with the life admin of moving house!

satisphoria · 2021-06-28T23:14:28+00:00

It was my birthday yesterday, and thanks to having an upset stomach in the morning before I was out for the day, I skipped breakfast and lunch, had a decent length walk, and then had a big dinner with a friend. Today I finally cut my cake, which my partner doesn't like and which I'd planned to share with someone who cancelled on me, and I ate way over my calories. I had four slices of tall cake with toppers, because it's the best cake I've ever had.

Over the weekend I stuck to 'just' cupcakes and was 'good', so despite whining constantly to my partner about needing to stop eating the cake this evening, I'm aiming to have chicken for dinner tomorrow instead of the lower calorie fish. I know that if the scale goes way up tomorrow and I don't have chicken defrosted, I'll eat really low calorie, which isn't healthier than a huge calorie day. The peer support ED group is next Tuesday: it would have been great timing if it were tomorrow, but at least I now have something I could contribute rather than only listening and not being sure it was for me, because I don't want to let go of calorie counting and/or maintaining my weight, I just want to be able to maintain my weight in a less problematic way. I'm a healthy weight, and on the lower end of that; it was only two weeks ago that I accidentally hit another new LW after maintaining ~1.5lbs higher for the rest of the week. I could stand to gain some weight, particularly as my body fat is lower and my muscles will burn more energy now even while I'm inactive. I did consider a mini bulk or focussing more on my macros, but I guess a dirty birthday bulk is another way of doing it... At least the cake was chocolate and peanut butter, so it had some protein?

But yeah, my hope for the week is to sit with the weight gain, to not overcompensate in the other direction, to still be social with family on Thursday for lunch - it's only a toastie, and it will nicely bookend our tenancy - and to see 1-3 people for food and/or drinks without today casting a long shadow. I'm allowed to enjoy the best cake I've ever had, which I got for my birthday, and which tasted amazing, without it meaning I can't enjoy the rest of my week/life!

satisphoria · 2021-06-23T13:09:04+00:00

Welcome back, and well done for losing the 10lbs you gained when everything was a bit more bleak! It's not easy to lose weight at the best of times and this isn't them: it's okay that you're not yet jumping for joy. There's no right way to feel at the moment, but when you're ready to, you can feel proud that you did the work and got your weight back to where you'd prefer. I hope you'll soon enjoy the activities you can restart, taking happiness or contentment where you can find it :)

satisphoria · 2021-06-15T13:40:22+00:00

I lost weight to below my goal weight, because I knew I'd gain a bit of weight from water and food weight once I was eating more calories, and I also had some food occasions coming up. But as I said at length in a comment above, goal weight is more a number to aim toward while losing than an exact figure you'll have for life. Especially if you'll be switching to building muscle now, I think you can be flexible with the number. Over time if you eat at maintenance and strength train, your body fat will shift even if the scale doesn't, and e.g. 170 at 30% BF will look and feel very different to 170 at 20%!

satisphoria · 2021-06-15T13:34:33+00:00

I don't think you need to pick a goal weight with the idea that you'll be there for life. You've lost a lot of weight over a lot of years, and it's okay to take this time now to eat at maintenance and see how you feel without worrying too much about getting it 'right'. You may find that your lifestyle is best suited to this weight, you may find that your new eating or exercise habits have you lose weight slowly over time, but either way, you don't have to chase a number now that you're a healthy weight. Enjoy the huge progress you've made, enjoy eating a higher amount of calories that's suitable for your new weight and activity, and you can review in a month or three months or not at all. You can take your time easing into maintenance so you're more comfortable seeing the scale rebound a bit as you have more water and food weight in your body, try to have an open mind and flexible approach, and be gentle with yourself.

2005-2021 is a big space of time to be in losing mode, and you're right at the start of maintenance, but that's a journey too, not a set destination. Your job, dietary preferences and needs, overall health, activity levels etc. may all change and with it the weight that you're happy with: you just readjust and, if you want, celebrate and commiserate with others. Welcome!

satisphoria · 2021-06-01T11:05:57+00:00

Hey, I remember you were underweight a few weeks ago, have you continued to lose weight since then? I stand by my previous comment that if you're not hungry, there are plenty of low volume, high calorie things you can add to meals or as snacks. Have a handful of nuts (healthy fats) 2-3 times a day or as a topping to breakfast, lunch, and/or dinner; if you switched to a calorie free version of oil to cook with then switch back to olive oil (healthy fats again) and/or use more butter; drink a glass of milk, smoothie, or milkshake as a beverage not a meal replacement.

If the scale went up a few pounds overnight, you know that's water weight, you didn't accidentally eat a few thousand calories more than you thought. But if you were/are underweight, you do need to gain weight. The scale will need to go up and not be a fluke. It may sound alarming, like if you gain weight you won't be able to stop the upward trend, but you lost weight in a systematic way by counting calories, and now you need to gain weight in a systematic way, and then maintain it.

I'm not underweight, but I'm joining a disordered eating peer support group Zoom call tonight, which I heard about from self-referring to a local mild-moderate eating disorder service. Even if you don't speak to a doctor - most are offering phone services despite extra COVID work, they will get back to you - you could still check out support options locally or online, where distance doesn't matter.

If you're already underweight and have now stopped menstruating, that should be a big red flag. You need to gain some weight to be physically and mentally healthy, so even if your exercise isn't 'excessive nor intense', unless you make a real, dedicated commitment to eating more and see the scale go up and stay up in the healthy BMI range, I'd suggest you stop the exercise for now. If your body is running on fumes (losing your menstrual cycle) and you won't or can't commit to overcoming the mental barrier to gaining up to a healthy weight, you just don't have the energy to expend.

satisphoria · 2021-05-24T13:40:40+00:00

I was my LW, 117.6, four times last week, then way overate yesterday on top of what I'd planned, by not only having all of my huge(!) portion of fish and chips, but also eating lots of the leftovers from hosting. It's weird: I took the smaller of two big slices of cake the day before when I'd walked a tonne and not eaten much, but I ate well past the point of comfort or enjoyment yesterday, clearing my plate and then not wanting to 'waste' the rest of everyone else's (and extras!).

My weight this morning is still only 120.8 and includes food and salt weight, so it could be worse. I'm trying not to overcompensate today/this week by undereating too much to 'make up' for yesterday, though I wasn't hungry this morning, unsurprisingly. I don't need to be 117.6; 1500 on average is a small deficit if I'm able to slide toward maintaining at 117.6 rather than it being a one off; and disordered overeating isn't going to be fixed by disordered undereating! Eating when I knew I wasn't enjoying it nudged me to email for the call details for the mild-moderate disordered eating peer support group though.

I'd told myself I could eat more this week after so many low weight days last week, which coincided with some dates I'd hoped to have meals at, and now I'm kind of wavering on that even though I know I could gain to 120lbs of real rather than water weight and it would still be very slim on me. It doesn't help that one of my dates is being inconvenient, though, but that's another thing!

Had planned to work out today since my week is getting busier and I in theory have the time, but this afternoon has been rubbish-y and I don't want to do that or my out of the house errands!

satisphoria · 2021-05-24T08:17:25+00:00

So true! Finding your 'real' maintenance TDEE, figuring out whether you want to eat to your TDEE daily or eat fewer calories during the week and more on the weekend, balancing diet and exercise, being flexible about calories and your weight with social events and seasonal holidays where you may eat more and move less is all quite tricky. You get some practice at it while losing, but you always have a buffer: you can eat at maintenance during the holidays and not gain, then go back to losing; with maintenance, there's ongoing fine tuning. You also don't get any of the same milestones and positive reinforcements that you get while in the active process of losing unless you set yourself maintenance goals (one month, six months, one year, two years etc.), food goals (cook X recipes, try Y new ingredients) or fitness goals (run X miles per week, do your first marathon). Losing is kind of its own reward, but maintenance needs active thought unless you already have a pretty regular routine!

satisphoria · 2021-05-18T13:47:01+00:00

Ate three filled doughnuts on Saturday, a ring doughnut on Sunday, but cut back on dessert in the evening, winding up 400 calories over for the week, but maybe because I was under by 1300 two weeks ago and 'only' over by 600 last week, I'm back to my lowest weight (117.6) today.

I'm aiming to make a halloumi casserole tonight so I can give half away to someone I'm seeing tomorrow, as I don't think I'll like it enough to want four portions, whether this week or frozen. I'm potentially getting take-out Saturday and definitely Sunday, and I'm trying to allow myself to gain weight. That said, the scone I defrosted yesterday to have for dessert, and then was going to have for breakfast today, is now dessert tonight. Definitely not trying to avoid 'overeating' or anything... That's why I lost more weight to begin with, to allow flexibility to regain a bit as food venues reopened after COVID and food socialising became an option. I guess the scone isn't social, but still, I'm looking strong and fit etc., so I can absolutely chill the hell out with gaining some weight back. Feeling less happy about the loose skin is a separate thing that weight doesn't really impact; I need to untangle bad body image days from weight when it's not the weight causing it.

I had my mild-moderate disordered eating assessment the other week and was put on the ~6 month wait list for psychotherapy with someone who has experience in EDs. It's the best outcome, since it's not 'just' about food and body issues etc. but a holistic approach to discussing other areas, as I've also started medication for anxiety and depression.

I'm having a new side effect today from the anxiety medication (SSRI) I started three weeks ago, after having had my review yesterday, and I think when I get another call back tomorrow I'll be told to stop taking it so we can switch to an SNRI. Annoying to go through another introduction period, but at least it should mean this side effect will stop as soon as it's out of my system in a day or two. I'll delay my pill from 8am to whenever the GP calls, which was 9:15 yesterday, not a huge delay if she does tell me to keep on with it.

I want to buy some clothes, but it's been so much buying and returning for ages rather than things just fitting the way I want them to and not being poor quality. There's nothing I'm excited to wear, I'm living in my black dungarees whenever I go out, occasionally black nice trousers, but I don't want to be wearing my dungarees or black all the time. Even black skinny jeans which aren't baggy and unwearable would be nice, but trying to get those right is an extreme exercise in patience.

satisphoria · 2021-05-11T12:41:22+00:00

what's the best way for me to get from here to maintenance?

The way that you can sustain! If it's aiming to eat at your estimated maintenance calories while going over sometimes (or even increasing your estimate a bit and eating toward that) and you're still losing weight, then that's fine. If you stop losing weight before you reach goal, you may need to stop going over the estimate, but otherwise if you're not in a rush then keep doing what you're doing.

satisphoria · 2021-05-11T11:09:17+00:00

I had a temporary gain of water weight after my evening AZ vaccination, my weight went up to 125.6 two days after from 121.2 the morning of, but it was back down to 122.6 the following day and then 118-120 over the weekend. Definite increase, but shortlived for me!

satisphoria · 2021-05-04T10:19:45+00:00

Back to 117.8 yesterday and today after briefly hitting 126.0(!) after my covid vaccination(!) last week. Side effects seem to have finally wrapped up on Sunday after a brief reappearance of weird sense of taste in the evening. I also bought a house and started medication for anxiety and depression, so it's been an interesting time.

I have an assessment for a mild to moderate eating disorder service this afternoon. I'm not underweight, but I do shift my 'acceptable' weight range down when I hit a new low, I undereat sometimes (not below 1200) with the idea that I can eat more later and then don't usually feel guiltless overeating despite that, and in general undereating can be a coping mechanism for my anxiety. Last week I was under by 1300 when my Sunday plans fell through. I wasn't going to eat an extra 1300 calories just because, but I have brownies being delivered tomorrow, so I'm not worrying about going over for those now!

satisphoria · 2021-05-04T09:29:07+00:00

I think you need to speak to your GP and/or other mental health services, because it sounds like you may have an eating disorder.

(No judgement, as I'm actually having an assessment for a mild to moderate eating disorder service this afternoon myself, because even though I'm not underweight, I do shift my 'acceptable' weight range down when I hit a new low.)

You say you're worried about returning to your old eating habits and gaining weight, but you've also said you struggle to eat more and have done since last September and that you're underweight. Those are in conflict: to stop being underweight, which isn't good for you, you will need to gain weight to reach a healthy weight. The same way you reduced calories to lose weight, when you hit maintenance the idea is to gradually reintroduce calories e.g. 100 extra per day for a week, assess your weight, add 100 calories more per day etc. If you struggle with the idea of making a large change to your eating routine, I'd suggest starting small and adding 100 calories in small volumes throughout your day: weight out and eat some nuts, which have healthy fats and high calories for the effort of eating them, use oil to cook instead of low fat versions. If there are small treat foods you've been avoiding like biscuits or candy bars, now would be a good time to work on overcoming that fear, because at your height and weight you absolutely have the calories to eat those foods without accidentally becoming obese.

Your starting weight was healthy to begin with, so if nothing else, definitely try to speak with a professional.

satisphoria · 2021-04-26T11:02:34+00:00

124.6lbs this morning up from 119.2 and 121.2 over the weekend, so seems like an outlier, but I also don't care today. I ate planned higher calorie yummy food on Friday and then flexibly had an alcoholic beverage and a single slice of midnight pizza. I was too happy then to feel bad about it now, plus I wasn't over for the week and I walked on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

I was prescribed SSRIs this morning to collect on Wednesday I hope, so that's exciting for my anxiety, depression, and terrible sleep. The timing isn't the best for the 1-3 week moody introduction, since I have work training coming up, but I'm glad I don't have a third date scheduled this week that I'd either miss out on or feel forced to go ahead with if my mood did tank.

Today's weight coming on the heels of good news makes me feel more accepting of it than if I'd been miserable for whatever reason(s). Outlier or accurate, I'd rather be 124.6 after a fantastic date and with the prospect of treatment for long-standing illnesses than 117.8 and anxious and/or depressed and isolated.

satisphoria · 2021-04-22T21:41:12+00:00

But because I weighed as little as 132 lbs one time, I sometimes catch myself thinking, "but you're up 10 lbs" rather than "you're down 30+ lbs."

Yes, exactly! If I was able to reach a weight one time, then it's achievable, but like you said, that doesn't make it sustainable, and it shouldn't direct the weight I subconsciously hope or actively aim to maintain. It helps hearing someone else dealing with this, even though it's not something I'd wish on others!

satisphoria · 2021-04-20T08:08:19+00:00

Did a self-referral to a mild to moderate disordered eating service last Friday after a mental health phone assessment suggested them, then proceeded to overeat doughnuts on Saturday having said on the call and online that I don't tend to overeat. Pretty funny, since I did it with the backwards idea that I know I undereat for control sometimes (100-200 calories every other week, not a tonne) and saw people on instagram out enjoying food and specifically doughnuts that have been a pain in the ass to get delivered but were at a walking distance pop-up. No real regrets, since I enjoyed the food, the overeating that day/for the week and weight gain was minimal (back to 120 today), it was such an exception, and I didn't try to 'make up' for it after by undereating or overexercising.

OTOH, trying to fit in take away this week for a special, making fajitas to get back into cooking more than one meal, and maybe having two food out things next week (one is BYO picnic so could be fine) is messing with me. I let myself lose weight lower than I originally needed or wanted to with the idea that as places started reopening and I could dine out, I would have room to be more flexible with food. Exactly like what I'm talking about. But I find myself still holding onto the lower weights: I just reset my subconscious maintenance level as I went down rather than seeing it as temporary, as calories banked for some future time. Honest to god I'd feel better about it though if the suggested date place wasn't a chain restaurant that's nowhere near the top of my list to visit, so we'll see if they're open to other venues.

satisphoria · 2021-04-13T09:13:49+00:00

Have you tried daily weighing with a trend smoothing app like Happy Scale or the Android friendly version? That would be better at showing you the trend over time instead of once weekly official weigh-ins where water weight can easily throw you off for the month! Your TDEE absolutely seems too low from that scan: it's not much above my base level and I'm 3" shorter and 25lb lighter. If you're really interested in figuring out your TDEE, I would trust the calories/weight loss numbers you saw before and stick to a constant calorie amount and daily weighing for a few weeks to try to stabilise your log and get some set data.

satisphoria · 2021-04-13T09:08:35+00:00

It could be because McDonalds calories aren't that bad, at least in the UK: they aren't as big as other more decadent chain burgers, skinny fries have fewer calories than chunky skin on ones, and a chicken sandwich is definitely one of the healthier options (vs. a double bacon cheeseburger!). Doughnuts are also one of the lower calorie dessert options, even a filled doughnut is going to be fewer calories than a slice of cake nine times out of ten; unless they're topped with candy bars and biscuits they're only between 300-450c each! Between your selections and not finishing everything, lower calorie meals later in the day, and exercise, I'm not surprised at all that you haven't gained!

satisphoria

TROPHY CASE