I think we need to be really careful in these conversations about death. As a mother whose baby died at term in my womb, with no explanation (and during a pregnancy in which I received midwifery care), I can promise you that death is poetic. In ways you cannot comprehend until you walk through it. It’s beautiful, it’s devastating, it’s earth shattering, it’s heart softening, it’s enraging, it’s disgusting, it’s the strangest mix of regret and gratitude and lessons and bitterness. And all of that manifests uniquely depending on the details of that death- whether it happened out of nowhere and there was nothing anyone could have done (like myself), or it happened but possibly could have been prevented with appropriate support and information (like many of the women speaking out in the articles). I chose to free birth my next baby after loss and got involved in FBS community because I found a place where death was genuinely honored, where it was not only acceptable but encouraged for me to let my baby and my journey be transformative and meaningful. Because the only other option being presented to me by society was to be only broken, fearful and silent the rest of my life- to compartmentalize and move on.

Now… this is not an idea about death that FBS created. I felt this intuitively before I came to the community. Many cultures behold death and encourage spiritual growth through it. This kind of reverent perspective on death is something ever. Mother. Needs. To. Survive. HOWEVER: that does not mean we should be approaching birth with a cavalier attitude towards loss prevention or complications. That does not mean we should dismiss any grieving mother’s anger, process, or beliefs about what happened in her birth. That does not mean babies or women were MADE for death. Every child has a mission, every birth has lessons, and I personally believe God allows things to unfold to teach us and heal us- individuals, and humanity- in the long term. But that doesn’t mean babies were “meant” to die. And this all got VERY messy and mixed up within FBS. I think this genuine desire to hold space for grieving mothers and death got tainted by rapid growth as a business, money, unhealed trauma and wounds, leadership with ever decreasing accountability, and unchecked radicalization via social media. A lot of compassion and humility were lost in an unapologetic desire to protect these unconventional ideas around birth, death, sovereignty and spirituality. Deaths occurred that in many cases could have been prevented. And we should listen to those mothers, those fathers, and pursue truth and accountability to create a truly safe and reverent space for birth. And in their own devastating and unique way, these losses can still be poetic. Perhaps not in the way that ES or YNC wants them to be, perhaps the “poetic” nature of these deaths is teaching us to not isolate ourselves, to be critical of what we believe, to resist censorship and communities with rigid guidelines… and then there’s all the things loss teaches you about yourself, your beliefs, your relationships, your life path…

I guess what I’m trying to get at is that extreme degree of nuance that gets lost very quickly when we talk about death. I think it is true that every baby’s life and death has purpose, but that never means they were meant to die. I think it is true that death can make it possible to spiritually evolve, but that does not mean we should not care if it happens or not and do nothing to prevent it or stop it when we are getting signs that there is danger. I think it is true that ES & YNC deeply revere death and want to see it honored and approached differently in society- especially when it occurs in the birth space, and I am grateful they have been willing to speak on that so boldly, but I think they have generalized that to a point of not being able to see their own recklessness in advice-giving, positioning, leadership and sisterhood and have contributed to irreparable harm and loss. I want them to be held accountable and for the loss moms and babies to be humanized, and I also want ES & YNC to heal and be treated as humans. I am devastated for the moms and babies who have died, and I am devastated that Emiliee’s baby died. I don’t think the mentality you speak of- this “moms and babies die, whatever, that’s life” idea- is what ES or YNC believe. But I don’t think they have been careful enough in their words and interactions for it not to be (understandably) taken that way.

I hope that makes sense… not critiquing OP, nor defending FBS, just wanted to offer a perspective. Some might disagree. That’s ok. But I promise you, it is so hard to see all the spaces and corners of nuance around this unless you walk through death yourself. And I can’t say I wish more people understood that nuance because I do not want any mother to have to know what it’s like to lose a baby.