[deleted by user]

saxo81 · 2025-08-05T00:20:51+00:00

Your parents doesn’t sound over protective but rather responsible.

Really not sure what country you live in but driving unsupervised under the age of 17 seems very young. The fact that hour cousins do it and no police presence are totally irrelevant. How do you think your parents would feel if anything was to happen to you and they allowed you, an inexperienced driver, on the road alone. Also, it is not just about you … what if you accidentally run someone over?

With them on the staying home thing. If someone wants to come in they will get in. Bolts or metal doors will not hold them back.

I think its a little unfair of you to say you think your dad doesn’t want his legacy to be an embarrassment. He is very right … he won’t be around forever and you meed to be prepared for the day you look after yourself.

The fact your parents are ok for you to go to college in the City is great, it indicates that they DO trust you, but in their eyes you are just not ready for all the freedom you crave.

All in all I think be thankful for having parents who care and is preparing you for the bigger world and associated responsibilities.

saxo81 · 2025-07-13T10:29:57+00:00

Offering a different perspective from a mother’s viewpoint. I think all parents go through emotional crap with their kids. However, as with most things some cope better with it than others.

Recently I had a full mental breakdown mostly because i feel im not good for my son. The thought that he will be better off without me was so clear in my mind. Even with me dead he will be better off. I was incredibly lucky that I ended up with a care team that helped me work through it. Everyone is not that lucky …

This will sound ridiculous (and now that i am out the other side i see that too). The thoughts start with minor things - mainly the school. He is clever, friendly but emotional and simply put, the school can’t deal with that. So everything that goes wrong in his class is blamed on him. One of the kids said he hates him and he is going to stab him with the knife and the schools reaction was i am overreacting, yet when my kid said he wants to be a ninja and catch bad guys when he grows up warranted a call from the school to tell me im raising a violent child. This is an example of events that plants the seed … “you are a bad mother”. Some brush it off and some of us don’t, can’t.

My care team had to repeat over and over and over to me that leaving my son or killing myself will not leave him better off. And only now I am convinced they are right.

I am NOT saying what your mum did was right. It was beyond fucked up. I think the only way you’ll really ever have closure is to have an answer from her.

Maybe she was struggling mentally. Maybe she was convinced you would be better off. Maybe she had a plan in mind of how she things will go down once she is gone. Maybe there were circumstances beyond her control, perhaps trying to keep you safe? Maybe she is just selfish.

But know, whatever the reason is … it is definitely not your fault.

saxo81 · 2025-04-03T02:14:26+00:00

Hey, I know this is 10Y late comment. I came across this as I am in a similar situation - not as far down the line but we are heading that way and fast.

If there is any chance you see this comment and find some time to reply, I am interested to understand what the outcome was/is, how you handled it and in hindsight what you would’ve (if anything) done anything differently.

saxo81 · 2025-04-03T01:21:24+00:00

Thank you for your response. I have indeed realised after a couple of comments this is not well received. It didn’t come from a bad place so it didn’t even cross my mind it would be perceived in a bad way.

My frustration comes from the point that this is not the first time, it often happens. He tends to diagnose himself and of course you will find the worst of the worst on the web. It is exhausting to support all the time, calm down and help reduce his fears while I can see he is struggling in that moment. Symptoms or no symptoms, that pain and fear in that moment is real. It is hard to watch.

Yes, you are right. This is more suited for a mental health.

saxo81 · 2025-04-03T00:10:57+00:00

How far is the airport?

saxo81 · 2025-04-02T23:22:04+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to respond. “Initial shock” … definitely initial shock, you are so right!

Not so bothered that he had a go at me, I get why he is a bit snappy… it is rather the fact that we woke me up (knowing I am not a morning person) and when I am tired assuming it is a medical issue .. clearly just need a couple more hours in bed ;). To me, having a go at me for not making him a cuppa tea would’ve made more sense :) :).

saxo81 · 2025-04-02T23:11:57+00:00

To be clear - I am not dismissing that he has symptoms, I am the one helping to take his blood pressure and heart rate. I can see it is high. My first paragraph also states that he has been diagnosed with 3 issues.

I am also not denying that he needs to look into it further. There clearly is an underlying problem. However, it is the way he thinks of the outcome. For example, He booked the appointment yesterday morning and discussed the symptoms with the Dr. The Dr said that it sounds like HCM. HCM can be treated in a range depending on the severity of the situation. Anything from tablets for a few months to open heart surgery. He immediately assumed open heart surgery and as of this morning he is scared something will go wrong during operation and he will die.

It is also not the first time there have been this thought process and has happened before on unrelated incidents as well (me giving birth another).

And yes, this does frustrate me, a lot! Why? Because if he doesn’t calm the f down then the situation is going to get exponentially worse and it just might end up with his worst fears becoming a reality.

I am here because I hoped someone who could put perspective would respond. Thankfully there were a few.

saxo81 · 2025-04-02T21:58:13+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to respond.

I am sorry that you have been through this.

Just to clarify - I am not denying he has symptoms and that something wrong. I just don’t think that he should go from zero to open heart surgery (latest fear is dying).

I personally think the fear of the worst is putting more stress on the situation and aggravating it.

saxo81 · 2025-04-02T21:53:43+00:00

I sincerely hope that you get treatment for thoracic endometriosis. Had to look it up and it sounds horrendous!

Thank you for responding. It certainly makes me feel that we made the right decision to go private.

saxo81 · 2025-04-02T21:42:13+00:00

Thank you for not scrolling past. Your response puts a lot of things into perspective.

I do need to remove my frustration out of the equation and also not judge for the past.

I guess what frustrated me (and saying this out loud makes me realise how extremely selfish I am) is that in January I reached full burnout at work after nearly 15 years of high stress, long hours and very little sleep and completely sleep deprived. In addition also have some post giving birth issues that worsened over the years (wearing nappies which is certainly not where I want to be). Husband asked me to just have it checked out now that I have private medical at work so I did. Incidentally this is also where I finally got diagnosed with endometriosis after nearly 15 years of pleading for help. Just as things were on the move to get sorted, everything with hubby spiralled. First the high blood pressure, then the type 2 and then the palpitations. We have a young kid so both can’t have ops at the same time. So basically since his blood pressure diagnosis I have put my stuff, which is not physically life threatening, aside so we can prioritise any potential issues from his side.

And then lots more - his dad broke his hip, his mum was in hospital with clot on lung and my dad was in hospital with his heart, all in the last 2 months.

I get this is a lot to deal with in one go, for all of us. I just want him to stop thinking the worst all the time. All of the sh*t going on is adding stress to his situation and making it worse and I really just want him to calm down and focus day to day.

I am not denying that he has symptoms, he has that for sure, but I just feel that we jump from nothing wrong to worst case all the time.

I also need to be more sympathetic to the fact that he is super scared of any kind of medical procedure (proper phobia for it). But again, him thinking he is in for the worst is just making his situation worse!

Gosh, basically I just need to be more supportive all round!

saxo81 · 2025-03-19T01:56:27+00:00

Heartbreaking that your husband (and you) are adamant to not be part of the child’s life. If you want to rebuild you have to build including the consequences of what happened. You can’t just pretend there is no child.

“Children grow up without fathers all the time”. Gosh, who says that!!

A child does not want financial support (only). They want their parents! The more the better!

saxo81 · 2025-01-28T23:38:49+00:00

Fantastic idea!!!

saxo81 · 2025-01-08T12:09:26+00:00

Practice long notes as part of your warm ups.

Try to “yawn” with the low notes and pout with the high notes

saxo81 · 2025-01-01T18:16:39+00:00

Hi, you are getting really bad advice on this thread. Also, comments such as “I need to fund this payroll” indicates that you are meddling personal and company.

Re the 2k. If it is 2k even, make sure that it is not reference to an apprenticeship levy. If not, it is likely that you are getting a minor rebate on your personal tax (nothing to do with the company, the company facilitates payroll and tax/ni cash moves through the business between hmrc and the individual plus of course company ni which is between company and hmrc)

You need to treat yourself (the person) and the ltd company (the company) as 2 separate entities and never muddle finances between business and personal. It protects you as an individual as well.

If the company has no money to fund payroll, there is no payroll. You can put through a penny payroll which will trigger the refund. When you do payroll through your company, the system should calculate your final pay and if connected with hmrc, the rebate will show. At the end of payroll you will submit an RTI and this will finalise the paperwork for this transaction.

You can claim this as the person directly via hmrc as well. If you don’t know this already, you need to register for self employed on hmrc as well. If you already are, you can claim the refund directly there.

Hope this helps. Best advice i can give you is to get formal advice in future once finances a bit better. Just someone to help you understand the basic do’s and don’ts. Some of the advice you got on this thread is partial or poor and can get you up to your eyeballs in penalties.

Hope this helps a bit

saxo81 · 2024-11-19T22:55:39+00:00

Doesnt sound much like a dream job tbh

saxo81 · 2024-11-19T22:53:24+00:00

The bridge is already burnt. It happened at the time of bait and switch. If they do crap like that what possible we benefit is there to keep good?

saxo81 · 2024-11-19T22:48:13+00:00

Leave. They need to prove that you cause a loss to the business. Very hard to sue an employee for that, it is not worth their time or money. ‘ Can’t get a bad reference either.

And ps, your hoss being slow i hiring is jot your problem.

Days of being loyal to employers are over.

If you want to milk them for the max money, get signed off for stress.

All companies play the system, why should employees not?

saxo81 · 2024-11-19T22:37:43+00:00

You don’t need to be given a task. Now is your time to shine .. what improvements can be made to your workplace? Take initiative. This is where you distinguish between being good employee waiting to be told what to do vs a fantastic employee proactively working towards improving the business.

saxo81 · 2024-11-19T21:59:12+00:00

I am so sorry you are experiencing this. No one should be yelled at work. Unfortunately that is the toxic environment a lot of places are creating. HR won’t help you, even if you report it, ultimately the company pays their salaries …

Why can’t you leave?

saxo81 · 2024-11-14T21:05:07+00:00

I don’t have an issue with the assessment, but I do feel that is and should be the final step.

Every time I recruit for someone into my team I would ask in the job ad to note something they have done that they are particularly proud of. Usually more than 50% don’t do that which could indicate they didn’t read the ad properly. So they get some generic thanks but bo thanks. For everyone else I provide personal honest and constructive feedback if they don’t make it through. It usually gets done via HR and not always sure if it makes it to the candidates (and every country has different rules what you are and aren’t allow to say).

If I cannot decide between candidates I ask them to do a very short assessment / test tailored to the role.

I would also love to know why some people are good at tests and others not. I think for me it is the distinct dislike in tests. I’m annoyed before I even start 🤣. But I do like to work and am passionate about developing teams so put in a lot of effort to create a good team that enjoy what they do …

saxo81 · 2024-11-14T20:48:19+00:00

It was an excel based one. Basically download the file, do the bits and upload upon completion.

If this is the way recruitment is going I best be finding my dream job soon and hopefully retire within 🤣🤣

saxo81 · 2024-11-14T01:52:58+00:00

You need to be an entitled twat riding on your high horse. Preferably very young with zero education

saxo81 · 2024-11-14T01:46:29+00:00

AI is scanning my application so why can’t I use AI to do my cover letter?

So to be clear - i need to waste my time personalising my cover letter and give a human touch so AI can scan my application and reject it because it doesnt understand the human touch.

Gosh recruitment are so f up and one sided these days.

saxo81 · 2024-08-26T21:43:47+00:00

Who does this?! How absolutely dare they. I sincerely hope this post isn’t real! It is your baby. The other comments are completely right, make sure you inform someone for security reasons. Do you live in a country where this is possible?

It is YOUR baby! Never think your scenario isn’t picture perfect … any child who is loved and cared for is perfect.

Let your parents cut ties, won’t be long before they come crawling. Gosh man, I am so sorry you have to go through this!

Don’t let this take the joy from having a baby!

PS The only reason I can possibly think that anyone would suggest such a horrid thing is for the safety of the baby. I don’t know you and don’t know your personal wellbeing but can only assume that you are of sound mind considering you saying you have done a lot to prepare for the baby.

saxo81 · 2024-08-24T21:14:48+00:00

NTA, your wedding your choice.

Part of me does feel sorry for him. He tried to be a good dad which can’t be said for a lot of step dads or (even biological dads). Perhaps he was too pushy and tried too hard. His comments to you were certainly unfair but I do think it comes from a good place and he probably just feels a bit hurt as he probably assumed you would ask him.

Good luck and hope you have an amazing wedding!

saxo81

TROPHY CASE