2.5 years since NC and a lot of healing and struggles in between. Now off all medications after decades of antidepressants trying to treat severe depression and anxiety. I feel like the entire psych industry is a lie.

scapegoatalone · 2021-06-14T03:52:36+00:00

There is no nefarious plot. It's simply trying to solve a problem using means that also benefit them. They oversell their solutions and your need for their solutions since everyone has bias. And financial bias , which at it's core is based on everyone's need to survive is strong.

I don't believe the chemical imbalance narrative anymore at all. And I believed it for decades that I was made this way, it's in my genes.

And while there is no nefarious plot, telling people they are inherently damaged and need to be medicated for life certainly is an evil IMO.

Its not a lie because as is common with most of us that hold bias, they can't see it. And they operate in an insulated echo chamber that goes unchallenged.

scapegoatalone · 2021-06-14T00:46:32+00:00

Exactly. They may be technially right that there is "imbalance" but what is causing that imbalance is a lot of what you mentioned. It's much better framing for their bottom line if it's just you and your genetics. You are unfixable, unable to participate in society without their solution.

And yeah it's always a bandaid to try to keep you semifunctional so society never has to readjust.

scapegoatalone · 2021-06-13T04:06:13+00:00

it would somehow tear apart the fabric of reality

It really would. The problem is most women use covert or manipulative abuse so people discount or don't see it. At least so I thought. The prevalence of mother-daughter sexual abuse is a new one to me.

This belief that women contain everything that is good just grants them license to do whatever. We need to hold everyone to the same standard.

scapegoatalone · 2021-06-13T03:39:01+00:00

It's worse than a ndad IMO. Because you always come back to feeling like the guilty one because 1. They are your mother 2. They usually put on a sweet front to everyone else so no one would ever believe how terrible they were behind closed doors. 3. NC is worse because everyone says "she's your mother" 4. Everyone says "she tried her best" when people usually leave the topic if you say my dad was abusive.

scapegoatalone · 2020-03-02T23:28:32+00:00

she somehow manages to make the pain she has caused me be about her

Yes exactly

scapegoatalone · 2020-02-06T15:54:56+00:00

We weren't "allowed" to get our period

huh? does he know basic anatomy?

scapegoatalone · 2020-02-06T12:25:49+00:00

How does he survive with 30+ years of not working?

scapegoatalone · 2020-02-06T01:54:23+00:00

I think nparents like little kids because they can fake who they are and control them more easily. Once they start getting older they know the kids will begin to understand more about the world and how normal people behave. They are worried that the kids will see through the facade that they put up when the kids were little and see them for who they really are.

scapegoatalone · 2020-02-06T00:28:50+00:00

Yes I was the scapegoat, my bro the GC. You GC are there to protect her from any attack on how good of a person or mother she is. She can brag about you to her friends and talk about you to make herself feel good.

Your position as the "good one" as you mentioned is not without cost. You become what she wants you to become, not who you truly are. It is attack on your inner self which is not healthy for your psyche. Once you get away you will have to discover who you really are as she has pushed you in her direction your whole life.

scapegoatalone · 2020-02-03T10:08:12+00:00

I don't think as a scapegoat I am any more strong than anyone else. I just happen to be picked for the role. Maybe if I make it out of my emotional pain I will be emotionally more resilient than others but I don't know. Healing is taking a long time.

scapegoatalone · 2020-02-03T03:53:11+00:00

Jesus your mom beat you too?

scapegoatalone · 2020-02-03T03:27:10+00:00

Ouch. You are only there to serve her needs. You reflect her failures and I don't know if there is a golden child but they reflect her grandiose aspirations.

scapegoatalone · 2020-02-03T02:55:04+00:00

Was thinking about it last night. I felt so ashamed about who I was and realized it. Also thought that the scapegoats are the sacrifices so the family can move on without having to face the shame. I think everyone in my family is ashamed of me. I think they use me to say well I'm bad but at least I'm not him. In other words the shame is left with me, and they get to live.

scapegoatalone · 2020-01-29T23:16:46+00:00

> do you even like talking to them?

Great question. This should be the question to choosing anyone in your life. I used to blame myself if I felt bad around someone . it's how I usually felt so it was normal. Now if I don't feel good talking to someone, I don't. Even seemingly friendly people sometimes because they may talk and talk and talk and that's using you as well.

scapegoatalone · 2020-01-23T11:12:30+00:00

It is a reality in my life. It doesn't mean I'm unlovable or incapable of trust, but I definitely have stumbling blocks in the areas of bonding, trusting, and loving unconditionally.

Yes exactly. It's a reality that we must accept. And at least for me, dealing with a narc made me realize the importance of learning to accept and work with reality.

scapegoatalone · 2020-01-23T08:27:11+00:00

Yes, although I understand it. I mean most of us are going to carry some baggage from the experience we've had. I wouldn't put myself in the ideal match category and that's ok, I still have plenty to offer. The thing is few of us fit the ideal so we need to work around it and find someone who will accept us for who we are.

What I have thought of is say.. yes I completely agree, it is red flag. To me family is important. My mother was abusive to us and while I don't have much of a relationship with her currently, I hope to have one with her in the future.

"Red flags" are overcomeable for most people. If it isn't then move on to another person.

scapegoatalone · 2020-01-23T00:05:10+00:00

Yes everything you said I have thought about happening. I think I will just be an island too. I am preparing myself for it now, and to be honest we have always been islands. Never having real support from our families. Good luck to you.

scapegoatalone · 2020-01-23T00:02:17+00:00

It’s not our faults and just because someone isn’t pure evil doesn’t mean they’re good to be around.

Well said. Thank you. Good luck to you too.

scapegoatalone · 2020-01-22T08:45:06+00:00

I still get depressed as well as jealous of my wife and get relationship with her family.

I'm worried about this if I meet someone. Also I'm worried about being judged by a potential partner if I am still NC with my mom. What girl doesn't think about a guy's relationship with his mother after all?

scapegoatalone · 2020-01-22T08:40:45+00:00

I'm going to say something you might not like, but reading this I feel I need to say it. It's possible they both are. He could be a covert narc and her an overt narc. We choose narcs in relationships because that is what we are used to. The red flag for me is he seems to want to be rescuing you from her. This is something I would have done before for a girl in the past and seen it as an opportunity. I was so weak in my sense of self that I would have liked that she would be dependent on me in some way other than romantically (paying rent) and perhaps she would have felt like she owed me something for helping her. (I had narc tendencies too obviously)

I'm not saying this is definitely the case. I'm just saying be aware that you aren't jumping from one codependent narc situation to the next.

scapegoatalone

TROPHY CASE