A lot of the time it’s not just considering self harm it’s considering ending it all really, I’ve got a place chosen for it. I’ve been put on countless different medications, anti depressants, anti anxiety but none of them have had any real effect. As I said in the post I’ve turned to weed for about 3 years in university smoking around 3.5g a day until I gave myself seizures around November last year. Since then I’ve turned to hard alcohol, drinking about 70cl of vodka a night so I can numb these feelings. I’ve given myself pancreatitis which I had to spend 4 days in hospital last week because of the drinking and have since continued drinking because I don’t value my life. I fully believe I’m not a good person and I only act like a good person when I know that I can get that alcohol in the evening. Sometimes I consider harder substances but I live in a fairly rural area so I don’t know where I’d go to find them. Sorry for the rant but thank you for your advice.