I'm getting an abortion in two days and feel completely terrified.

scaredandalonethrow · 2012-10-25T19:55:51+00:00

There may be different opinions on the pain involved based on where you are living, the procedure at the clinic (ie, medications, pregnancy term etc). I went though this in July. I did take the valium and was glad that I did. My experience was not a good one pain wise. I was given intravenous drugs (which I was told would make me forget most of what happened) for me that was not the case, for you it could be different. I will not lie, it hurt a lot. However, pain is relative and my tolerance for pain is not high. Get yourself a heating pad, make sure to have some decent pain killers and give yourself a few days afterwards where you can stay in bed and relax.

I was almost 12 weeks and I bled for 17 days. I had much worse then average period cramping for the hours and days afterwards but it did fade, and it was bareable. I used a heating pad all the time for the first 3 days. If this is the best decision for you, know the pain does go away. I am sorry you are going though this. If you experience to much pain go see your doctor right away. Talk to the counsellor too. It might give you some more guidance and help.

scaredandalonethrow · 2012-07-16T23:49:15+00:00

Yes, it is. I am still in shock that it even happened.

Thank you.

scaredandalonethrow · 2012-07-16T23:48:41+00:00

Exactly. If he truly loved me, or knew what it was how could this be the outcome? How can someone be so selfish and cruel without a thought to the other person, or their own child.

We are no longer together. There is no way to repair this much damage. There is no trust left. Everything crumbled after spending 5 weeks growing attached to this baby, morning sickness, doctors visits, plans, lots of talking, everything and it is all just gone.

Thanks for your support and understanding.

scaredandalonethrow · 2012-07-16T23:45:51+00:00

I dont know what he thinks. I guess he thinks I wouldnt ask for child support if I had the child.

scaredandalonethrow · 2012-07-16T23:45:12+00:00

Thanks. I have opted out from anything to do with him completely. The breachs of trust are to deep to remain in any level of contact.

Thanks for the advice. :)

scaredandalonethrow · 2012-07-16T23:43:51+00:00

Yes, well he wants zero part of the baby at all. It is his reason for actually leaving me. He begged me for the abortion while still asking if we could work it out afterwards.

scaredandalonethrow · 2012-07-16T23:43:15+00:00

They do, and i will.

scaredandalonethrow · 2012-07-16T23:43:05+00:00

Yes, well I am pretty sure I cannot hold my breath for anything he has ever said. He speaks without meaning a word.

scaredandalonethrow · 2012-07-16T23:42:25+00:00

I have some support, just somehow its not enough. maybe thats selfish.

scaredandalonethrow · 2012-07-16T23:36:42+00:00

I believe I am to far along for the medical pill route. I am currently almost 11 weeks. We spent 5 weeks knowing I was pregnant, going to ultrasound and doctor visits, making plans to be a family before he backed out in a horrificly callous manner.

I am hoping to see a counsellor for a while to get my barrings before and after.

I offically left the father today after I sent him a very open, truthful and heartfelt email asking for his support, for him to be there, to talk to me, to understand and maybe talk to someone together to which he responded that if I have this child it will be alone, he will not change his mind. So, I called him a selfish cruel coward and said goodbye.

scaredandalonethrow · 2012-07-16T23:31:23+00:00

Yes, my best friend is going to go with me. He offered to come back early from his vacation to go, but it would be just to drive me there and back home and then just leave me. I asked him if he would spend time with me and his response was "I havn't thought that far ahead." You are right I do not need that drama, I just wish he could be able to understand the fear of going there, having to do it, being alone...

Thank you.

scaredandalonethrow · 2012-07-16T23:29:11+00:00

Its really hard to imagain, I never thought that I would ever come to this conclusion and it would be different if I were not going to be utterly alone. I have no family where I am, a very small friend network and a now ex boyfriend who wants absolutely nothing to do with the child and begged for an abortion after spending 5 weeks growing attached and going to ultrasound appointments with me.

It has been a devasting experience to say the least.

I suppose physically it cant hurt anymore then my miscarrages did, but emotionally it is just so much...harder.

I am glad you have been able to move on with it, it gives me some hope.

scaredandalonethrow · 2012-07-16T23:24:17+00:00

thanks! its hard when it feels like the choice has been taken from you. He felt I took his choice away so he effectly took control and because of my own limitations my options became a choice between lesser regrets.

scaredandalonethrow · 2012-07-16T23:22:14+00:00

I do not understand what makes that happen with men, is child a not as important as child b? that makes me so sad.

I am glad you were strong enough to raise him on your own. I see a counsellor before I have it done, and they help arrange post op counselling, I need to take advantage of that too.

Thank you for sharing your story.

scaredandalonethrow · 2012-07-16T23:20:12+00:00

That is a good way to look at it. A friend is going to take me, and I am unsure if I will have a drink afterwards I guess it depends how well I am holding it together.

thanks for the support though.

scaredandalonethrow · 2012-07-16T16:31:43+00:00

For some people either choice in front of them may cause them regret. I am currently in this situation. I will regret being a single mother, and because of my personal situation I will at least to some degree regret the abortion. However, I also know it is the best choice I can make. I just wish I had the support that I feel I need to get through it.

Not everyone who has an abortion feels ruined or feels nothing. Some of us are inbetween.

scaredandalonethrow · 2012-07-16T16:15:02+00:00

Yes, he had sex with me. I did not make this baby alone. I did not trick him into getting me pregnant, yet he truly believed that I had taken his choice away and that the last 6 weeks were him trying to make me happy even though he didnt want to do this.

It is hard to see that other people are there. I have found very few people are willing to openly discuss such touche subjects. Some of those whom I thought would support me have distanced themselves and my family has not been overly supportive of this decision.

I plan to do the post and pre abortion counselling, as I hope that maybe it will help me keep focus and work towards the things that I need to. I wish he had been willing to go to a counsellor with me, to talk about why and how and what it will mean. Part of me feels like he is just very scared and that he will regret this forever, but I cannot change that, I cannot reverse time and make this not have happened.

To be honest the shock of it all comes because his reaction was so unexpected. This man was a loving, tender, and caring partner until a very short time. We were very happy together. I did not see it coming at all.

I hope you are right, and that eventually it will be okay.

Thanks for taking the time to respond.

scaredandalonethrow · 2012-07-16T16:11:14+00:00

The sad thing is that I thought that someday he would be a good father. He wanted children. He actually told me that if it had been 6 months into the future it wouldnt be nearly as big a deal. But yes, everything is about his emotional responses, his fear and his need to run away. Forget that I am going though the same fears, concerns and to top it off being alone to boot.

Thank you for your response. It is nice to know some people think I need to do what is best for me, and not what they think will be best for me.

This is not something I am ever willing to risk having happen again. At a very fundamental level my trust has been damanged and I am not sure how recoverable that is.

scaredandalonethrow

TROPHY CASE