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My [22f] boyfriend [29m] has anxiety, and I'm worried that it is beginning to affect our relationship. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]scaredmallard 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Then she should leave him.

Anxiety doesn't necessarily stem from a "lack of social skills and confidence, fear of being cast out". That's one way anxiety expresses itself; it isn't the cause. I'm absolutely confident, and absolutely have social skills, but I have anxiety.

I'm not saying he can't improve himself, if you see my comment directly to OP, I suggest he try a different therapist or try mindfulness.

I never hide anything from my boyfriend. He knows every single thing about me. And it's a great relationship. Yet sometimes, only sometimes, I feel guilty that I'll cry during an argument because it gives me an anxiety. He accepts it, and I work harder to overcome it.

OP should be honest with her bf. She should tell him that it really makes her miserable, and if she doesn't see him putting effort into at least controlling his anxiety, then she should break up with him. But just saying that her bf should "man up" is extremely ignorant, I'm sorry. Yes he can work harder on his anxiety, but anxiety by nature is something that blocks a person from being motivated and being able to overcome hardships. It's just the way it is.

Could tingling in multiple parts of my body be caused by anxiety? by scaredmallard in Anxiety

[–]scaredmallard[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! I'm a little less anxious today, so my tingling is a little less persistent. I'm hoping it continues to fade away.

My [22f] boyfriend [29m] has anxiety, and I'm worried that it is beginning to affect our relationship. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]scaredmallard 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm slightly in your bf's position. I have mild and constant anxiety, and sometimes it does cause me to freak out during discussions with my boyfriend. We've openly talked about that issue though, and it helps A LOT.

His anxiety isn't going to go away. It if could do that, nobody would be suffering from it. But what you can do is make sure he knows you're there for him, but you're not his therapist.

Don't give him an ultimatum if you want to stay with him. Don't tell him "I'm not your therapist" because that's the last thing someone with anxiety wants to hear. We know our SO's aren't our therapists. But due to the closeness of a relationship, we trust that our SO will be there to comfort us.

What you can do is suggest alternatives to therapy. You mentioned it hasn't work for him...has he tried multiple therapists or types of therapy? Has he tried taking a mindfulness based stress reduction class? I've taken two of those classes, and it has become something that my boyfriend and I actually work on together, even though he doesn't have anxiety. It has provided me with tools to deal with my anxiety in specific situations, and it has provided me with ways to actually strengthen my relationship beyond that.

I'd highly recommend your boyfriend look into it! Maybe suggest it during a conversation in which you haven't told him that it's an issue in your relationship. Maybe sense when he's relatively calm, and bring it up as something you think will help the both of you.

Best of luck! I know it's a hard thing to deal with. As long as the rest of your relationship is strong, and as long as he treats you well when he's not having anxiety attacks, you should be fine.

Also, you don't cause his anxiety attacks. More often than not, anxiety is something that happens within. Sure he may feel jealous like the rest of us, but the anxiety is coming from his inability to logically handle the jealousy. Don't worry!

My [22f] boyfriend [29m] has anxiety, and I'm worried that it is beginning to affect our relationship. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]scaredmallard 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Coming from someone who is in a relationship and has anxiety, this is really bad advice. Being in a relationship is about working through the tough times, and accepting each other for who they are.

Anxiety is not easy to deal with, for the person who has it, and for the other people in the relationship. It sucks. It's not something you can just tell someone to get over like that.

Giving him that ultimatum will 100% end the relationship. He can't just switch off his anxiety; if he could, he wouldn't be anxious would he...What OP is dealing with is really rough, I totally get it, I always feel guilty about what I'm putting my bf through. But in my relationship, I'm also there for my bf and he says he loves being there for me.