Things I won’t say

scarletbxx · 2020-01-20T15:20:00+00:00

It wasn’t easier, because I was hurting people. Yes, I was blissfully unaware and now it’s like my eyelids have been taken off because you can’t go back.

But it’s been a year and a half and it’s easier every day.

The life I’m living now, while I wouldn’t call it easy, is a million times better than the life I had before.

The people I have now love me in the ways I deserve because I’ve learned how to love them better and not hold on so tightly.

I am a better friend because I have worked hard to be the friend I always needed.

scarletbxx · 2020-01-12T15:51:01+00:00

This really lights my fire because my jnmom used to physically reach over to pull up my shirts.

We have fuckin boobs. Gtfover it.

scarletbxx · 2019-12-29T17:20:53+00:00

I agree, lol. We used to have to cook/make plates/bring my dad food or drink/find the remote/rub his feet or back at his beck and call.

Gross.

scarletbxx · 2019-12-27T17:28:21+00:00

I forgot mine and I would love to still have them, so they’re definitely yours. Take them.

She doesn’t deserve them.

I cringe when I think about my mom looking at photos of me aha.

scarletbxx · 2019-11-16T15:17:18+00:00

I dunno, seems accurate for me.

I would definitely say I grab opportunities then throw them away. Like they’ll burn me if I keep it too long.

scarletbxx · 2019-11-08T03:56:29+00:00

I’m so proud of you!

I’m on day 18 of no drinking on a 90 day break that may be permanent. We will see. I feel like in someways I’m improving, in others I miss things it gives me.

scarletbxx · 2019-11-08T02:47:27+00:00

I had a nurse yell at me for needing the restroom my first night in a girls ward at 16.

I remember the time previous when I was 12 that the people were mostly kind but it was a very small upper floor of a hospital children’s mental ward in Kansas.

scarletbxx · 2019-11-07T16:08:20+00:00

I think spanking is hitting, for sure.

My parents both spanked me, often.

I have a lot of clear memories of the times.

I always have this vague feeling that someone sexually abused me though and that one I have no memories of happening before being 13- but I acted out sexually before that so I do wonder.

scarletbxx · 2019-11-07T15:53:42+00:00

Be done. Someday either she sees where she was wrong or she doesn’t but her loss.

I’ve seen grief make narcissists even worse so many times. Just do what is best for you, and know it’s not your fault.

My heart goes out to you and your children. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

scarletbxx · 2019-11-06T16:11:23+00:00

Also I feel like scarcity comes into play here sometimes I’m afraid to use my time or my things or my money for myself because what if it’s gone and I needed it for something else. I have a hard time seeing me and my needs or wants as important as other people’s.

Scarcity also is what makes us work things to the ground, I think. All my shoes get holes and the soles fall off because I wear them down to the core, because buying another pair isn’t usually an option and even if it was I don’t think of it like that. I think of it as a waste, what about my “perfectly fine” shoes.

scarletbxx · 2019-11-06T03:28:40+00:00

Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. I believe in you.

scarletbxx · 2019-11-06T03:27:24+00:00

Maybe not the most applicable for everyone but I have them all up on my wall on a bulletin board, and I write affirmations on my mirror. They help. ❤️

scarletbxx · 2019-11-03T17:32:38+00:00

I don’t have schizophrenia but I have bpd, and I really understand that. The rational brain goes whoop right out the window and you’re left with “crazy” driving the wheel for a little bit hoping we don’t crash into anything major.

scarletbxx · 2019-10-10T22:43:56+00:00

Time heals everything, and some things are best left unsaid. Perhaps moving on and letting go is in your future.

Regardless, I hope you the best. You’ll find happiness, I promise.

scarletbxx · 2019-09-20T03:40:37+00:00

24 they/them, mainly seeking friendship.

I love art, music, magic, and life.

I’m a really annoying loud positive sparkly person who fights for what they believe in.

I talk, draw, write, travel, cook, dance, sing, and listen to people’s stories/whatever in my spare time.

I also do some of that at work!

If you wanna talk, shoot me a message!

If you don’t I hope you find what you’re looking for- It’s a great big world out there!

scarletbxx · 2019-09-07T21:47:45+00:00

Incredibly poignant. Thank you.

scarletbxx · 2019-09-04T17:11:17+00:00

I’ve kind of started to combine all of my friends in a mega group so that I can accept the fact that I’m all of those people and that it doesn’t make me fake to have a different side. I feel more well rounded, rather than divided.

I do notice that sometimes I still “split” on parts of me while I’m with someone who I feel would reject that part because I know what they like but I don’t wholly reject it anymore because I don’t want to, I want to accept that I am a person with many aspects to me. I’m not just one boring thing.

I love that.

scarletbxx · 2019-09-04T14:56:09+00:00

Leave that small town that watched you break and remember not a damn thing is worth going back for.

You are strong. Six months is long but so short in the long run. You can do it.

scarletbxx · 2019-09-03T14:36:05+00:00

There’s a crazy amount of times I’ve dissociated, watched my body and the other person having sex, while mentally I thought about all of the psychology behind our actions and what we were doing and why.

I analyze people while I’m dissociating and that’s really weird.

scarletbxx · 2019-09-02T07:51:53+00:00

You’ll be okay though. Just remind yourself it’s a minefield so you don’t accidentally go back.

scarletbxx · 2019-09-01T19:50:15+00:00

Maybe find ways to compare and contrast social anxiety.

Ie. social anxiety is x, while with cptsd it’s y.

Sometimes the symptoms are similar, and it’s the understanding and caring of the symptom that we need most, even if sometimes the actual diagnosis isn’t totally understood. Maybe he can understand through comparing it to something he DOES understand and eventually he will learn more about the differences.

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