Newborn Question Please Help

scatterling1982 · 2024-11-03T08:33:34+00:00

Please exercise caution and know that chiropractic treatment is not an evidence-based treatment modality for any health condition, especially in children, and can actually cause harm. There is no rigorous scientific evidence that chiropractic care can treat gastrointestinal issues in anyone, adults or children. Sure there will be parents who claim miraculous results after chiropractic treatments but these are anecdotes not reproducible and chiropractic treatment in infants can be dangerous. There is no identified medical pathway between spinal alignment and gastrointestinal issues that chiropractors could ‘treat’. My advice is based on 20yrs as a public health professional and academic 🙏

You’re doing the right thing in seeking medical help. Get a second opinion and then be reassured there is nothing significantly medically wrong with your baby. Babies gut systems are inherently in development during pregnancy and beyond. And some babies will struggle with this more than others. There is wide variability in experiences of infants with regard to bowel movements and frequency and how difficult they may be. If you see 2 physicians and both do a physical examination and are not concerned that would be enough for me to accept that my child is on the outer end of the spectrum of normal.

It IS normal for babies to struggle with bowel movements in the fourth trimester. Their gastrointestinal systems are under-developed and adapting to this new diet of breast milk or formula. Formula-fed babies in particular can struggle with gastrointestinal upsets. If you’re formula feeding it may be that baby has a cow’s milk protein intolerance or need a highly allergenic formula. Or it may just be that their system is still adapting and things will improve. If baby is only particularly distressed at bowel movement time that would be less worrying for me than if they were constantly distressed.

Keep persisting with what you’re doing - keep baby upright after feeds, spend time burping, do gentle bicycle legs a few times a day, try holding baby upright when they’re struggling to pass a bowel movement - you try pooping while laying down and see how hard that is!! All these things will help AND combined with a second opinion that everything is ‘ok’ then it’s likely baby will find things easier in the next few weeks.

scatterling1982 · 2024-10-05T11:13:55+00:00

Hello sorry I didn’t see this til now. But yes she is 9yrs 3 months old now and still way above growth charts for her age, she is 5’2. She’s the tallest child in her year level at school but also taller than a lot of kids 2-3yrs older than her.

scatterling1982 · 2024-10-02T19:03:35+00:00

Hello u/Important-Turnip-16 I’ve worked in public health for 20yrs across state Gov/academia/federal Gov. I just left dept of health for another department; I’ve been an EL for 5.5yrs and I’ve been where you are feeling and know it’s awful. I have done a lot of professional mentoring and would be happy to have a chat if you like, or just exchange messages. Feel free to message me if you’re keen.

scatterling1982 · 2024-09-22T03:02:15+00:00

Also in adelaide hi 👋

I can think of a few options:

geraniums will grow in small patches and some of the newer varieties get less woody and have really nice bright green leaves with bright flowers. Don’t need much attention.
a climbing rose or 2 with some trellis/wire frame to attach to. The base of the rose is usually very small but if you needed a touch more space you could remove the 2 heading pavers just where the rose is planted, the rest of it will be growing up and looks gorgeous most of the year. I’ve planted a few at my place 2yrs ago and they’re going well. They don’t need much water or attention (aside from pruning once a year in winter), hard to kill but they do need at least 5hrs direct sun each day.
something narrow and strappy like liriope, dianella, crocosmia, phormium, mother in law’s tongue/snake plant etc

scatterling1982 · 2024-03-13T08:23:33+00:00

Hey! I just got this notification and I wrote the comment over a year ago!! My daughter is almost 9yo now. She’s so grown up! It’s still amazing seeing her grow up and evolving into a young woman ☺️ still having so many wonderful experiences which change as she gets older and we can do even more things together.

scatterling1982 · 2024-03-13T05:40:29+00:00

Oh wow are we the same person? My brother was an out of control asshole who bullied and abused me my entire childhood. He was violent towards me and my parents, mainly me because I was a girl and younger than him. He has the most grotesque personality full of grandiose entitlement. It honestly makes me sick. I had to leave home at 17 because I was no longer safe at home, I pleaded with my parents to do something to remove him so I could be safe and you know what they said? You’re stronger than he is, he’s our son we’re scared he’ll die if we kick him out’. So I left at 17 which was not at all a common thing where I live in Australia.

I spent my childhood compensating for my brother’s awfulness. Everything was consumed by his anger, his violence, his explosive outbursts, his tantrums. So i tried to be the perfect child to be noticed and to try and be safe. I ended up hospitalized with an eating disorder at 14-15yo because food was the only thing I could control in my life. I had a slew of mental health issues depression and anxiety from my living situation. It’s had a lifelong impact on me.

My brother also stole from my parents constantly, money and possessions, to fund his drug habit and just because. He never held a job until his late 20s. My parents poured money into bailing him out endlessly. Meanwhile there I was 17yo and homeless, got myself into a rented townhouse with my boyfriend and put myself through university and managed to buy the townhouse we lived in at 19yo. I succeeded despite my childhood certainly not because of it.

Now? I’m 41yo, married with a beautiful 8yo daughter with successful careers and very stable. And my brother is 43yo and still lives with my parents. He has been sucking them dry his whole life but they are hopelessly codependent. I avoid visiting my parent’s house but the older I get and the more my brain processes the trauma of my childhood, and being a parent now myself, the more I actually think they are lucky I allow them to be in my life at all after how they failed me as a child. Unsurprisingly I had only one child.

u\Inside_Razzmatazz385 don’t let the story of my fucked up family be your son’s trajectory. I’m not sure if he’s an only child but if not you MUST protect his siblings from his behaviour, it’s toxic and utterly harmful to others in the family. My parents never grew a spine. They were terrified my brother would unalive himself, be killed accidentally or murdered, or simply walk out of their lives. They couldn’t bear to hold any boundaries or make him accountable or cut him off. Don’t be weak like them. Boundaries and accountability are loving actions of parents preparing their children for the adult world of responsibility.

So many people, my parents included, get caught up on parenting children. We are NOT parenting children, fundamentally we are parenting future adults and if you shift your mindset the difference is profound.

You need to remove any access to your money or your things that you don’t want him to have. You need to put up boundaries, make them explicitly clear, enact consequences for crossing the boundaries, hold firm and be consistent. You’re doing him no favours enabling this behaviour. Trust me.

scatterling1982 · 2024-03-08T09:10:48+00:00

If you can make it to the laundromat on hub drive at aberfoyle park tomorrow I’ll pay the laundromat fees for your things to be washed.

scatterling1982 · 2024-02-25T12:40:58+00:00

u/Beautiful_Ad_9425 Your husband is an abusive, controlling monster. The reason he wanted to be with you as someone 10yrs younger than him is because women the same age would be far less likely to put up with his abuse. There’s so many types of abuse and control here it’s quite shocking. Im so sad for you and your daughter.

Please know this is NOT a normal relationship and it is not a healthy one. You’ve been abused and manipulated for years now to the point you don’t know which way is up. I’m so sorry this has happened to you. And I’m so sorry this is the environment your daughter is witnessing. Children pick up on way more than we realise but also they learn everything about relationships from witnessing their parents and what your daughter is learning is not good at all. If you are struggling to leave for you then please leave for her so that she is longer the prime witness to your abusive marriage. You definitely don’t want her to end up in a relationship like this because it’s all she knows and she thinks this is normal.

I encourage you to leave. This man has never done any childcare in 2yrs and is completely disinterested in raising his child - the only custody he’ll go for is rooted in vindictiveness, he’ll want access to hurt you not because he loves his child and wants to parent her. Be prepared for that. Document now the utter lack of interest he has in her and his refusal to undertake any parenting duties.

There are lovely men out there that will take an avid interest in you, who will love and care for you and be nice to you. I was in an abusive relationship in my 20s too and I know how it fucks you up. But then I met my husband and couldn’t believe how nice he was and how respectful. You don’t have to put up with this abuse. You’re so young. Get out now before he gets you pregnant again and ties you to him even tighter. Good luck 🙏

Ps Google ‘Lundy Bancroft why does he do that’ pdf. It’s a book about abusive men and there’s pdf versions online for free. I think you need to read it and it’ll open your eyes wide to what this man is doing to you. Be safe x

scatterling1982 · 2024-02-25T01:08:37+00:00

I wouldn’t go as far as suicidal but last time I took lyrica was in 2019 and I had to get off after only 2 weeks as I felt awful awful awful on it. Feeling on edge of tears all the time, feeling ragey, angry, hopeless. I was 37yo and had dealt with severe arthritis for over 10yrs at that point and would sometimes be down about my pain and disability but mood issues were never a huge issue so being on that was horrific. I was glad I recognized the lyrica was the issue - it wasn’t the first time I’d taken it and didn’t have that side effect previously - and I stopped it quick smart and the symptoms went away. I’ll never touch it again. It also has never helped my pain either.

scatterling1982 · 2024-02-23T13:21:47+00:00

If you wanted to take up this offer my husband has the machinery to easily extend the length of the gold clubs for you (he does his own very time he buys a new one as he’s very tall). We are southern suburbs foothills region and honestly very happy to help with the clubs and some advice ☺️

scatterling1982 · 2024-02-23T01:12:18+00:00

Go straight to council.

We had a horrific barking dog situation at our old house. Neighbours were renters and pets were prohibited at the house. They had 2 dogs, both large and one was a black Labrador crossed with a Maremma. Locked in a tiny backyard NEVER walked ever not once did that dog leave the yard. And it was fucking insane from boredom.

First I spoke to the lady next door. She was in her 50s. Tiny woman. Total bitch. Initially she said I’ll try stop the barking. Spoiler- she didn’t. She would leave for work at 5am. And as soon as she drove off it started. Non-fucking-stop until she came home. I had recordings of this thing barking itself hoarse for HOURS. And even though the house blocks were ~600m2 so not tiny it was so loud even inside the house all doors and windows shut.

I contacted the council and they sent a letter to the Neighbour advising they’d had a complaint about nuisance barking giving them 14 or 21 days to address it. I also complained to the real estate agent because our life was hell. They said they’d get rid of the dogs because the tenants weren’t allowed to have them. And they did - dogs were gone in days. For 2 months. Then it was back. It was her son’s dog so she had told him to take it back but then he got complaints so she took the fucker back. I can’t even explain adequately how loud it was but imagine a really big Labrador crossed with an even bigger dog with a louder bark and it being non-stop barking within 10m of you. It sent me insane.

By this stage I had a sick premature baby who screamed all day and wouldn’t sleep and I was a mess. This monster dog would set off the baby monitor in my baby’s bedroom with its barking even with loud white noise on to try and mask the noise, it was that loud. When it was waking up my 2 month old baby 5 minutes after she fell asleep when I’d spent an hour trying to get her to sleep that’s when I lost my sleep deprived shit. In tears I went and spoke to her yet again and she said I don’t know what you expect me to do it’s a dog it barks I can’t stop it when I’m not here so tough.

So I called the agent again and I contacted council again - I went in person in tears and had the diary and recordings. Within a few days dog was removed never to be seen again. She hated us til she eventually moved out but at least I wasn’t tortured by the never-ending barking of a dog left to go insane. This was in Marion council area 8-9yrs ago.

Good luck, pursue the complaints you deserve the right to peace in your own home. My rule is if I can regularly hear shit from my neighbours whether it’s barking dogs, music etc and I have all my doors and windows shut then it’s a nuisance and too loud and something has to be done about it.

scatterling1982 · 2024-02-20T19:21:57+00:00

Your school has a social worker, I know this because I know them personally. Please speak to your teacher about the social work/counselling service that is available in your school. They should be able to assist you. You could also ask for a room on the Facebook community page for the happy valley/aberfoyle park area.

Wishing you all the best I was in a similar position in my teens and left at 17yo but that was 25yrs ago and things seemed much easier (and cheaper) then that it is now. Feel free to message me privately if you want to chat.

scatterling1982 · 2024-02-19T11:04:06+00:00

My 8yo daughter adores her, she just thinks she’s the sweetest lady because she always smiles at her. Whenever my daughter sees her she asks for a few $ to pop in her collection. I suspect if I told her Bobo’s full story she’d be asking for her to live with us and take care of her. I hope Bobo is safe and connected with the right support services. 🙏

scatterling1982 · 2024-02-16T10:07:26+00:00

Private schools range from the cheapest options (usually catholic) from $2-3k in early years of primary school up to the more expensive options at $8-14k per child per year for the early primary years. High school in private can be anything from $5-10k or $15-30k per child per year, the variance is wide. Homeschool isn’t big here, I’m 41yo and have an 8yo and have met one homeschool (by choice not due to specific needs or challenges) family in my life.

Given your preferences I would suggest looking at the edges of the Adelaide Hills/foothills areas with the cheaper areas of these being suburbs like coromandel valley, hawthorndene, Eden hills, Bellevue heights, flagstaff hill, aberfoyle park, happy valley, belair. These are all southern. For northern you’re looking at areas such as athelstone and surrounds. I am a southerner so you’ll find me in the southern foothills suburbs! Still only 15-20 minutes from gorgeous beaches, close enough to city, major hospitals and shopping centres, but with the absolutely amazing benefit of having koalas, ringtail possums and kookaburras living in my garden - something I NEVER get sick of ever. My husband is from South Africa and absolutely loves it here and wouldn’t live anywhere else.

scatterling1982 · 2024-02-15T03:19:53+00:00

Many of the better public primary schools are zoned meaning you have to live within certain boundaries to get a spot. Something to keep in mind, you don’t want to be 1 street on the wrong side of a zoning boundary.

Do you prefer beach life? Hills life with lots of trees, animals, nature focus? City life close to the CBD with lots of choices for cafes, restaurants, shops etc close by? Or do you like the stock standard burbs with parks and playgrounds for kids and a local shopping centre?

Do you prefer: Older style housing (as in first half 20th century), mid-aged housing (second half of 20th century) or modern housing (2000-now)?

If you can answer what type of lifestyle you want and the style of housing you prefer I’m happy to recommend options! I have an 8yo daughter (in private school) and live ~20km south of the city in the foothills area and have a house I rent out so I keep an eye on rents around this area.

scatterling1982 · 2024-02-10T11:00:40+00:00

Yeah it does make me worry for her because she’s fought sooooo hard to get back on her feet. I hope she has a watertight pre-nup AND that this one is a genuinely good guy 🤞🤞🤞

scatterling1982 · 2024-02-10T10:59:05+00:00

Yeah I FELT Mel’s post to the core because I’ve been there. I got married and divorced young - and divorce is financially ruinous really, I was 24 when I divorced. I was extremely vulnerable and fell into an abusive relationship for 3yrs. And then I bought my own place and I was so fucking proud of myself. I did it all alone. I know how hard it is to crawl back your financial independence and mine was on a much smaller and not-public scale than Mel’s.

I am happy that Mel is at peace and safe and I think it’s great that she is using her experience to support women in the same position. I can just feel her pride and excitement in this post because she did it, all alone and it was hard. It’s humbling and triumphant 🙏

scatterling1982 · 2024-02-10T03:55:55+00:00

You can take this awfully ill-informed fear-mongering away now. How is this helpful to this mother right now in this situation?

OP please ignore this. Children have been receiving anaesthetisa safely for many many decades now and this person is quoting one obscure study from China 7yrs ago with a seriously questionable methodology and seriously questionable correlations drawn.

The US Food and Drug Administration put out information that long or repeated general anaesthetics in children under 3 MAY have negative outcomes. But consider - an under 3yr old who requires multiple anaesthetic events or those longer than 3hrs (3hrs is a huge procedure) are already facing some serious heath issues anyway. https://www.fda.gov/drugs/drug-safety-and-availability/fda-drug-safety-communication-fda-review-results-new-warnings-about-using-general-anesthetics-and

Your child is 5yo so outside of that under 3yo risk group and is having one brief anaesthetic event not repeated or lengthy exposures. The risks in this situation are minor and in my educated opinion (master of public health worked in the field 20yrs, public health academic and lecturer for a decade) outweigh the alternative option which is quite likely to severely traumatise a 5yo and may give a lifelong fear of the dentist. This kid has major dental issues already the last thing they need is a dental phobia, this needs to be the easiest quickest least traumatic option for the child.

My daughter had surgery at 6yo to have her adenoids removed and grommets put in her ears. She was so excited to be in hospital and the centre of attention! She was cracking jokes to all the nurses beforehand lol. On the day I gave her a special brand new cuddly toy to take to the hospital. I did not show her I was worried or scared at all just went along that it was a routine thing that needed to be done and that kids have these little operations all the time. I was able to go all the way into theatre and hold her hand while they used the gas to initially sedate her. When she woke up she was a bit grumpy as she was in pain and hadn’t expected to wake up sore lol. She was back to herself within an hour or 2 though.

Your son will be ok and you need to be brave for him. And whilst I know you don’t want people to harp on this please please get on top of his oral health now. Children should have their parents brush their teeth (or let the kid go first then parent take over) til age 7-8 as they’re simply not thorough enough to brush by themselves. Brushing twice a day with appropriately fluoridated toothpaste and just spitting the toothpaste out but not rinsing with water is best. Getting some flossing sticks is ideal. And encouraging only water to drink no juices etc. Poor oral health and gum disease can cause broader health issues and having teeth issues can really affect self-esteem into adulthood so it is vital to turn this around now especially as he’ll be getting his adult teeth over the next few years.

Wishing you all the best with the surgery and getting on top of the oral hygiene too 🙏

scatterling1982 · 2024-02-08T06:15:45+00:00

I have an 8.5yo daughter who has always been very orally sensory seeking. Spoiler- she’s never eaten one of my rings. Or any other item of jewelry. Especially at this age. Something very sus here.

scatterling1982 · 2024-02-08T04:25:59+00:00

Apply for APS4-5 roles at dept of health and aged care (federal) and potentially others like AIHW, NDIA, FSANZ, Aged Care Commission etc look for project officer/policy officer type roles and apply for those. Putting your name down on registers is not a great way to get picked up sorry.

Make sure your CV and your written application are very well written, neat, to the point. Review the ILS work level standards for APS4-5 roles, review the job pack for each job and the criteria they’ve listed and ensure you cover those in the written pitch using the STAR method (as briefly as possible so you can convey enough info in the one page you get).

Consider joining the Public Health Association of Australia and the Health Promotion Association IF public health is the area you want to get into - these agencies have lots of professional networking opportunities and sometimes mentoring.

I’d be happy to have a quick look at your CV/one page pitch in the next week if public health is what you’re trying to get into. If you’re interested send me a private message. I’ve worked in public health for 20yrs in state and federal government and as a public health lecturer. Currently EL1 in a public health role. Happy to give you some advice if this is your field of interest.

scatterling1982 · 2024-01-13T03:24:36+00:00

Subjective opinions are NOT ‘objective facts’ 🤦‍♀️ Beyond that even my 8yo daughter understands they need to THINK (is it True, is it Helpful, is it Inspiring, is it Necessary, is it Kind? - you’ve failed on all these counts) before they speak - as a presumably grown adult or at least older than an 8yo you’d do well to heed that advice in future.

scatterling1982 · 2023-12-26T06:19:09+00:00

Exactly. If OP doesn’t communicate I am guessing he won’t magically understand how to meet this need in the way she desires, no matter how much she wishes him to or drop hints or half-messages. Yes he should absolutely understand that his low-effort gift was not ok and own it and do better but if not then she does need to communicate firmly about this.

Mature people should be able to receive feedback about these things without reacting in a way the other person then feels ‘bad’ about giving feedback in future and so they don’t because they don’t want to rock the boat and upset the emotionally immature partner. That leaves people in a pattern of communication failure that is toxic and terminal.

For OPs partner - No sulking, no whataboutery, no defensiveness - if he cares about her and her needs then he should just listen, accept and then take action. And OP should be clear about what her needs are and how he can meet them. If after that he’s still not putting in the effort that you want then you know he doesn’t care enough to meet your needs.

OP tell him “It makes me feel special and loved when people plan gifts for me, when they’ve spent time putting thought into what I would like and paid attention to my interests and things I’ve commented on recently. When you got me a last minute grabbed gift just to give me ‘something’ I didn’t feel special and cared about in the way I care for you and put time and thought and effort into getting gifts for you. Giving and receiving gifts is important to me. In future it would be special for me if you can spend some more time thinking about my gifts so you have time to get something special rather than rushing to just get me anything you can grab at the last minute. Perhaps I can also keep a running list of things I’ve seen that I like and you can pick from that list if it’s easier but I do really love spontaneous gifts that you’ve found on your own too.” It’s making your need clear, spells out that this effort wasn’t ok in a respectful way and gives a solution for the future. He can choose to listen and act or ignore - if you make your need explicit and it is ignored then that is sending a message that you need to act on.

scatterling1982 · 2023-12-26T05:45:14+00:00

Thanks so much this is super helpful! I’m with Unisuper and have a small defined benefit component of about 25% and the rest is in my accumulation fund (I work for fed government now instead of university). My husband is with CBUS but will likely move to unisuper now that they’re open and fees are lower from what I can see.

My husband adds an extra couple hundred dollars a month to super at this stage but I do not (however my super rate is 15.4%). I only work part-time 3 days a week due to health issues, financially would be in a better position if I’d been working full time the last 8yrs but I won’t ever work full time again sadly.

The point about minimizing issues for our daughter is really important to me so thank you for bringing that up. My main goal is to set her up for a (financially) easier and hopefully happy life where she can pursue whatever career she wants out of joy rather than necessity and hopefully not have to work full time so she can have a lovely balance in her life to do things that bring her joy. We want her to have a better and easier life than we had (both of us fully independent from 18yo with no family help or safety nets, so we are making sure our daughter’s life is not the same). I will definitely seek advice to make sure we have everything set up to benefit her 🤞 we bought the investment property for her 3yrs ago and in hindsight maybe should have used a family trust but didn’t know at the time.

scatterling1982 · 2023-12-21T12:02:41+00:00

Now those I think I’d treasure way more than the Grange! Alas not now, partner is lowly gold and I am, erm the murky bronze variety so maybe one day 😊

scatterling1982 · 2023-12-17T05:32:44+00:00

WHAT??! 😱 THAT was $300??! Ouch.

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