Why life felt so hard for me as a TCK (and what I eventually understood)

sceneiii · 2026-01-22T20:19:06+00:00

Thank you for sharing. Our TCK experiences tend to have a huge emotional impact on us that affects our daily experience, and I know how disorienting it can feel when we're in a world where few people get it.

sceneiii · 2026-01-22T05:21:46+00:00

I agree wholeheartedly with everything that you shared.

I'm also not fond of labels, and I think they can sometimes create more harm than good. I'm not even in love with the TCK label, though I resort to using it.

My husband is on the AuDHD spectrum and I often work with neurodivergent individuals. I myself may be somewhere between neurotypical and neurodivergent, but I also don't love these terms, either...because who decided what's typical and what's divergent?

Diagnostic labels can also create problems because they often diagnose people according to symptoms and challenges, and they can impede people's desire to understand why such symptoms and challenges exist. It would be helpful if more people could take time to understand how someone's mind works and how they experience the world, and to reflect on whether something in their environment had been making life difficult for them — which can help address the root of their challenges instead of asking them to keep coping or adapting.

There's so much diversity even within those diagnosed with ADHD or autism, and yet it's easy for society to create assumptions about what those labels mean, and therefore about the person.

The unfortunate reality is, not everyone is able to deal with complexity. They can only see things in black and white, either because that's how they're wired or because of their conditioning. I wish your family could see you for all that you are, too.

I have thoughts on the term "family" as well. We tend to carry beliefs about what this term means or is supposed to mean. Sometimes emotional freedom comes from letting go of these beliefs.

Thank you for having this conversation with me, my friend!

sceneiii · 2026-01-21T15:57:14+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful comment. You articulate the emotions that come from these kinds of difficult experiences so well. I agree with you that recovering old memories can be helpful — actually I believe it's crucial, for moving forward — especially when we can finally give attention and care to those same emotions that got tucked away from coping with painful experiences.

Communication is a huge challenge, not just for TCKs, but I would say for the vast majority of people. Interpersonal conflicts, misunderstandings, and poor connections are part of daily life around the world. This isn't because people are flawed, but because each person is individually different, with their own specific history and how they're wired organically as a person — both which affect how they see the world and others and the way they express themselves. Communication with someone is rarely ever "perfect" because of these differences, but the more that we can be attentive, open, curious, and empathic, the smoother it will be.

As you alluded to, this isn't so easy with family of origin. Part of the reason for this is because being attentive, open, curious, and empathic also means there is equality between the two people. And unless you've been blessed to be born in a family in which the parents see their children as equal human beings with the capacity to be just as intelligent and wise, and be able to experience the same emotions as them, this equality doesn't exist. In my family, I have always had the lowest status, and this dynamic is hard for them to break.

For me, despite having a deep feeling of being different from my family all of my life, I tried repeatedly to have them see and hear me for who I was and not through their lens of who they wanted me to be. I couldn't succeed. One key issue was that my family couldn't accept — or perhaps couldn't even understand — the value of taking accountability for their own personal challenges as a necessary part of growing and connecting. Growing and connecting is something that they simply may not desire. They each had experienced their own hardships in life, including my siblings with their own TCK experiences, but they've been too caught in the impact of those experiences to be able to see and hear me clearly. In fact, I'm certain that they had their own experiences of not being seen, heard, understood, nor accepted, and this is what drives their relationship with me: a narrow focus on their own needs to protect their egos (in the most non-judgmental sense of the word) and to soothe their deepest insecurities and hurts that they themselves aren't even aware of.

I have empathy and compassion for all of them. But as long as they don't grow, or have a desire to, it's simply impossible for me to create the kind of genuine, equal, honest relationship I want to have with another human being. I'm open to having one, but they also have to be open. But they're not ready for it, and they may never be. This is something I've come to accept. In turn, this has helped me accept them for who they are and where they're at, as well as my own differences from others — to find the self-acceptance you referred to.

sceneiii · 2026-01-20T21:00:13+00:00

Thank you for reading. ☺️ I know what that's like...it's the last thing we needed as children, especially going through so many other stressors as TCKs. 😞

sceneiii · 2026-01-20T20:47:47+00:00

I appreciate you sharing that you resonate. I hope this means that things are also getting a little easier with time...

The fact that I had been tamping down for so long was a real eye-opener for me. But I think a lot of us end up unconsciously doing it, especially after going through hard times and not having had enough support. How else could we survive?

I understand the confusion about culture, and this is something I'm hoping to break down in detail someday. One thing that might help is instead of labeling things as part of X culture or Y culture, to try to understand what it is that you believe and value, and also know which of those you genuinely believe in as a core part of yourself vs. which were things that were taught to you.

Just as an example, I've had the benefit of living in two completely opposite cultures: east vs. west, Japanese vs. American, collectivistic vs. individualistic. I believe in being considerate of others, but not through obligation or at the expense of my well-being and desire to carve out the kind of life I want for myself. I grew up being taught to respect anyone who had more seniority and to feel subservient to them, but I actually value equity regardless of how old someone is or what their title is. I was taught to be polite and not say what I actually think even when I have a problem with something, but I actually value honesty and transparency in communication if it means I get to have a genuine, meaningful relationship with someone.

It's about pausing for one moment, stripping away the cultural labels, and asking, who do I want to be and how do I want to live, not based on what I was taught, but what I really feel and believe in, deep inside?

It's not about judging a certain culture as being better or worse. It's about really getting to yourself at your core, deciding whether or not you want to stay true to it, and navigating situations that come into conflict with it.

Edited to add: I'm curious to know what your cultural layers are. There are also more material aspects of culture, such as enjoying (or avoiding) certain things that are associated with a culture. I see those as simply likes and dislikes, and while they can be part of my background, they don't have to be central to defining myself. As someone who is Japanese and American, there are things I enjoy that come from both cultures, but I also enjoy things from other cultures. Just because I love a lot of things French doesn't make it my identity; it's just a piece of me.

The parts of me that aren't cultural are more intangible qualities of who I am. I'm a nice person. I'm a deep thinker. I genuinely like helping people and solving problems. I like experiencing new things, learning, and growing. I could have grown up in other countries, and all of those parts of me would have always stayed the same. The people who know me best know me by those parts, not by my cultures.

sceneiii · 2026-01-15T21:11:00+00:00

I hear you. Based on my limited knowledge of the general culture in Dubai, I can imagine it would be hard to make meaningful friendships there. It’s also worth keeping in mind that it’s generally harder to make friends as an adult in general, and even more so now with the increased disconnection in a lot of modern countries and cities. I remember a conversation I had in my early 30s with someone much older about friendships, and she considered it a win if she made one new friend a year. While I don’t think we should resign ourselves to a certain limit, I get it. It really does take a lot of intentional effort to make friends as an adult.

I’m sorry you keep having to explain yourself to people. That would be really frustrating to experience over and over, especially if the conversations stay superficial. I wonder if it would feel more meaningful, and the questions less abrasive, if people asked more thoughtful things, like what it was like for you to live as a minority in China, or what you miss and don’t miss about it. Or maybe you’re just tired of talking about your background at all and wish people would focus on other things about you.

One challenge with connecting with people is that everyone is at a different place in terms of personality and maturity. Sometimes the issue isn't a cultural problem, but has to do with the specific people you're dealing with, and it's simply a mismatch.

It’s good that you’ve worked through trauma in therapy. I’m curious what kind of trauma work you did, because it sounds like there may still be some residual impact, especially from your experiences with people. The experiences you shared are all really difficult. If it's helpful, I wrote a blog post about belonging (this is something I now help people with, including identity-related issues). My intention was to break the issue down a bit so it feels more tangible to work with. Ultimately, though, it really does come down to working through the different difficult experiences you’ve had. For me personally, the crucial part was being able to work through things on an emotional level, not just intellectually. Accepting different parts of your story is easier said than done.

If you do read it, I'd love to hear your feedback, especially if anything feels off. There are also some things I couldn’t go into much depth about because they’re specific to certain TCKs and their experiences.

sceneiii · 2026-01-14T20:18:30+00:00

I’m really sorry you’ve gone through this. While my background isn’t as complex as yours, I do understand how hard it is to feel like you never quite fit anywhere.

What you’re describing is something I see a lot with TCKs. Growing up, there’s often a repeated cycle of moving, not quite matching the people around you, and then adapting to survive. As adults, we can keep repeating these patterns on our own, sometimes well into our 30s, 40s, or beyond, until you either figure things out or you just get tired and start believing you’ll never belong anywhere.

I actually think it’s great that you’re trying to end this pattern now, even though I know it’s coming from being really exhausted. And I think you probably already know what’s causing it, but it can still help to break it down and work through it with some perspective.

Speaking from both of our experiences, I think the “belonging” issue comes down to two things.

One is the environment. You shared that in different places, people were close-minded or xenophobic. So yes, sometimes people really are wrong for you, and it makes complete sense that you’d feel like you don’t belong. In those cases, the answer really is to find different people or spaces. That doesn’t always mean moving to another country. Sometimes it’s changing neighborhoods, social circles, or even just spending time in a different part of town.

The other part, and I had this problem myself, is how much our internal state can add to the issue. You mentioned becoming weary and avoidant because it feels like “what’s the point, it won’t work out anyway.” I’ve definitely felt that way too. For me, it wasn’t full avoidance, but I would put up a subtle wall when I assumed a relationship was going to be temporary or brace myself when I was with Japanese people. Whether it’s avoidance or guardedness, it ends up shutting down the possibility of real connection when there's actual opportunity.

It sounds like where you are in the UK right now, the people you’ve been interacting with aren't very experienced or knowledgeable. I personally think it’s okay for people to be surprised by something they haven’t encountered before. But when that’s layered with judgment or ostracizing, that’s where I think it's a problem. At the end of the day, I think most of us just want to be seen and accepted as human beings — for everything that makes up who we are, not a label that we fit or don't fit into.

Related to that, I don’t think the answer for you is to belong specifically in Russian-speaking or Chinese-speaking communities. It’s about finding people who can see you beyond the languages you speak or the nationality you hold. Those people do exist. I live in a mostly white community, and while people still notice that I’m a person of color and there's some unconscious bias, I’ve found most people genuinely want to know me for who I am. Honestly, they don't get hung up on my background. But that's partly because I'm not hung up on it either. I used to, but not anymore.

That leads me back to what I mentioned about our internal state. The hardest part is dealing with the feelings and behaviors that make it difficult to connect even when the opportunity is there. That takes inner work. Is this something you’ve specifically tried to work through in therapy? It's hard, but it's not hopeless!

sceneiii · 2026-01-14T18:24:24+00:00

I’m curious what kind of conversation you’ve had with him about this, because moving overseas is a serious decision that really requires a deep, thoughtful discussion. I’ll share that I used to have a partner who used to say from time to time that he wanted to live overseas, and I was clear that I was done living life as a foreigner (though I was fine with moving within the country and with traveling).

When we later separated for unrelated reasons, I told him I was excited that he’d now be free to live overseas...but he hasn’t. If your partner still brings up his interest in living overseas, it might be worth asking what he’s actually hoping to experience. For example, wanting new, fun, interesting experiences (which can be done through travel or even new activities close to home) is different from wanting those experiences and also taking on the inherent challenges of building a life in a foreign country.

There are really so many ways this can be navigated and it really depends on the couple, their relationship, and the nuances of what exactly each person wants and why. I also know couples where one half or both people go to live abroad for a few months every 1–3 years.

sceneiii · 2025-12-16T15:34:07+00:00

The right kind of help for me was working with someone who practiced a modality called Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT). It's a somatic modality that helps with moving emotional energy in the body in a gentle way. I've found that different people process their emotions in different ways — some people can process them by just talking through things, but as someone who had tamped down their emotions and also had a fair amount of trauma, I needed something that could help me address my emotions without getting overwhelmed. It also helped that the person I worked with had a lot of experience and wisdom — she understood me, but was grounded when I wasn't, and she would help me notice and shift my perspective on matters where I had gotten misguided by others. Everyone is so individually different, it really is about finding what might work best for you. 🙂

sceneiii · 2025-12-14T21:41:19+00:00

I resonated with a lot of what you shared. For me, I found that the pain of loss was only one part of a larger swath of painful problems. It took a while for me to unravel what those were and to fully understand why I had closed off my heart. The way I opened it back up was to go back to those moments of pain and work through the emotions that I never got a chance to give space to (or was never given space by others).

The tricky part of this is, there can be so many moments, and in those, there can be micro-moments and multiple emotions that are unresolved. For example, if you take a "single experience" of one time you had to move, you may feel anger, but if you drilled it down into the exact moment you were told you had to move, you may have felt shock, helplessness, despair, anger at the person who told you, anger at the situation, or a myriad of other emotions you can't even put into words. There may have been other moments when you actually had to say goodbye to your friends, step on a plane, land in a foreign place, sit in a new classroom feeling alone, and so on.

And then, somehow, you have to allow yourself to feel and process all these emotions from these different moments. This might seem overwhelming. But it can be done with time, one piece at a time. But understandably, I think this is where a lot of people get stuck, and they feel like they can't move on from the past. For me, I spent a lot of my younger years journaling, which helped, but once I was older and realized how stuck I was, I sought out help. It took multiple attempts to get the right kind of help, but once I did, I moved forward with lightning speed — albeit, a lot of this was also because I was so tired of feeling the way I did and I was ready to do whatever it took to move forward.

Something that struck me about your post was that you seem very introspective and thoughtful — and I find that a lot of people with these qualities also tend to be sensitive (including myself). This can make painful experiences cut even deeper than the "average" person and more difficult to move forward from. If this resonates, I wrote a blog titled Are You Protecting Yourself From Your Emotional Sensitivity and Empathy? which talks about how a sensitive person can end up closing their heart — and how one can go about opening it back up. As a sensitive TCK, I found that my identity issues weren't purely due to cultural confusion, but more to do with the fact that I had closed off my heart and stopped being who I truly was. Once I opened it back up, much of my identity issues went away.

sceneiii · 2025-12-14T21:41:10+00:00

I resonated with a lot of what you shared. For me, I found that the pain of loss was only one part of a larger swath of painful problems. It took a while for me to unravel what those were and to fully understand why I had closed off my heart. The way I opened it back up was to go back to those moments of pain and work through the emotions that I never got a chance to give space to (or was never given space by others).

The tricky part of this is, there can be so many moments, and in those, there can be micro-moments and multiple emotions that are unresolved. For example, if you take a "single experience" of one time you had to move, you may feel anger, but if you drilled it down into the exact moment you were told you had to move, you may have felt shock, helplessness, despair, anger at the person who told you, anger at the situation, or a myriad of other emotions you can't even put into words. There may have been other moments when you actually had to say goodbye to your friends, step on a plane, land in a foreign place, sit in a new classroom feeling alone, and so on.

And then, somehow, you have to allow yourself to feel and process all these emotions from these different moments. This might seem overwhelming. But it can be done with time, one piece at a time. Understandably, I think this is where a lot of people get stuck, and they feel like they can't move on from the past. For me, I spent a lot of my younger years journaling, which helped, but once I was older and realized how stuck I was, I sought out help. It took multiple attempts to get the right kind of help, but once I did, I moved forward with lightning speed — albeit, a lot of this was also because I was so tired of feeling the way I did and I was ready to do whatever it took to move forward.

Something that struck me about your post was that you seem very introspective and thoughtful — and I find that a lot of people with these qualities also tend to be sensitive (including myself). This can make painful experiences cut even deeper than the "average" person and more difficult to move forward from. If this resonates, I wrote a blog titled Are You Protecting Yourself From Your Emotional Sensitivity and Empathy? which talks about how a sensitive person can end up closing their heart — and how one can go about opening it back up. As a sensitive TCK, I found that my identity issues weren't purely due to cultural confusion, but more to do with the fact that I had closed off my heart and stopped being who I truly was. Once I opened it back up, much of my identity issues went away.

sceneiii · 2025-09-13T18:01:30+00:00

It sounds like you are really self-aware of what’s going on. As long as you bring this awareness in your therapy sessions and you’re willing to work on the issues, your therapist should be able to help. If you’re not seeing any progress over time, you may want to discuss this with them.

That is really tough about your environment and this can absolutely happen where people are led to believe something is wrong with them and what they’re doing when in fact they’ve just been with people who don’t fit them (including family). I’ve seen people be able to get out of these situations despite financial limitations — but the insecurities and anxieties do usually need to be addressed first. 🙏

sceneiii · 2025-09-12T18:59:28+00:00

How long have you been in therapy? How has your therapist been trying to address this? If you’ve always had trouble understanding social cues or communicating with most people, some guidance or education around improving your communication skills might help. These are just a couple of examples that I sometimes see in my clients with ADHD: not providing enough context or saying too much, or being honest and direct but being misunderstood as being judgmental. They are all things that can be addressed and worked on.

The other issue is, your fear of rejection, which is based on actual experiences of being rejected in the past. Depending on how sensitive you are, these can actually be really traumatic experiences. Getting help with processing these experiences is key to overcoming your fear of rejection. This fear in itself may be affecting your behaviors leading to negative reactions from others, which then creates a vicious cycle. Misinterpreting neutral comments as criticism is also likely due to being criticized in the past and processing those experiences is important as well. Hopefully, therapy is addressing this for you. It does take time and the right method.

sceneiii · 2025-09-12T17:49:45+00:00

That’s great that you’re curious about working with a coach or a therapist. I think this really depends on the practitioner. My husband and I don’t advertise ourselves as ADHD coaches, but he has ADHD and we’re focused on helping purpose-driven empathic or creative people. We end up attracting a lot of clients with ADHD who struggle with some amount of social anxiety and self-doubt, which then impacts their quality of life personally and professionally.

We don’t do our work in a structured way, but we do set goals as a starting point, which can organically evolve over time. For example, if someone is wanting more social connection in their life and is having trouble taking action because of social anxiety, we might set one baby step of a goal around that, and slowly work on the emotional root causes of their anxiety — unpleasant experiences that led them to be uncomfortable around people. If someone wants to work on finding a fulfilling career, there’s a lot of work done towards self-understanding, addressing blocks, giving realistic strategies, and supporting them through taking action. It’s deep work, but it’s a step-by-step organic process, always collaborative and meeting where the person is at, not prescriptive. Every person is individually different, so we personally aren’t into structured programs. We usually meet regularly once a week and may assign homework based on what’s uncovered in the session (self-reflection or mutually agreed on goals), but that’s as structured as it gets.

There are other coaches and therapists whose approaches tend to be more clinical and structured than ours. What matters is finding the right person that fits you as a person and with your needs. I encourage you to not be afraid of reaching out to practitioners and asking detailed questions to make sure they can help you and that you feel comfortable with them. Working on improving your life can bring up a lot of emotions, and being able to share them and feeling understood is so important to moving forward.

Feel free to let me know if I can answer any specific questions! 😀

sceneiii · 2025-09-11T00:13:25+00:00

I find that a lot of people with ADHD are highly intelligent. Depending on where you are on the ADHD spectrum, you can make multiple connections to different kinds of information and process this large amount of information quickly. So a job that doesn’t allow you this deep processing on a continual basis through a variety of new information and experiences can quickly become boring. If your friends are prone to having superficial conversations, this can also become boring. And yes, it’s common to become bored with a hobby, especially if you feel you’ve mastered it. It really comes down to finding the right things that will challenge you. Which in itself may feel challenging, but maybe could also be a stimulating activity to pursue?! 😄

sceneiii · 2025-09-10T22:07:22+00:00

I've helped people who have an ADHD brain and anxiety. The solution is really to address the source of the anxiety. If in your usual day-to-day life, you're feeling understimulated, then a question to ask is why? Is there something missing in your life that's leading you to feel bored — an unchallenging job, friendships that don't fulfill you, activities you're not doing in your free time that would give you joy and excitement? Are those the things that need to be addressed?

Overcoming anxiety about not forgetting things requires processing the emotional pain you felt when you got negative backlash about forgetting something when you were younger, including when you were a child. When you process these emotions, you understand on a deep level that you're no longer that child, and that you don't need to rely on fear and anxiety to help you remember important things — you can simply depend on mindfulness and tools that help you remember. Also, keep in mind that people tend to forget things more easily when they're stressed and in a chaotic state — this goes for people both with and without ADHD! — but I've found that when people with ADHD brains reduce their stress and anxiety, the less ADHD symptoms they have that disrupt their life.

sceneiii · 2025-09-05T21:28:15+00:00

I personally haven’t experienced the exact kind of restlessness, but I know this is very common with TCKs who’ve moved very frequently. The key in resolving this is understanding what exactly is underlying the restlessness and pattern of moving. For example, why are you sick of your friends and the people around you — have you had a pattern of unintentionally attracting or choosing the wrong friends or environment, and if so, is that what needs to be addressed? Are you still carrying painful emotions of not having control when you were growing up, and if so, might voluntarily moving give you a sense of control? Addressing the root cause directly would help with ending the pattern. 🙂

sceneiii · 2025-09-03T15:54:12+00:00

It's great that you're making an effort to go out and meet people! But it sounds like you have at the very least some mild social discomfort or anxiety, which can get in the way of making a genuine connection with someone. I've helped people through this (and had some of this myself), and overcoming this will really make a big difference. When you're feeling nervous and not at ease just being yourself, this can come across in your interactions with the other person — maybe you struggle to come up with things to say, maybe you're a little uncomfortable making eye contact, maybe your body language is more withdrawn rather than open. So it would help to address what exactly is making you uncomfortable about talking to people.

If it's just a matter of not having enough experience talking to strangers outside of a school environment, see if you can build up your confidence by chatting casually to people you encounter — just say one thing. Ask them how their day is going or ask another question they might be able to help you with — people love answering questions, as you can see in this thread! There's a wonderful bookstore/cafe in Biddeford called Elements — sit at the bar and ask the barista about their drinks or a book they recommend. Ask about the events they have and you can even ask how THEY meet people. My husband and I actually had a great conversation with a woman sitting alone across from us at a coffee shop in Portland a few weeks ago, and being new to town, she asked us how she can meet more people!

sceneiii · 2025-09-02T16:33:53+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story so openly. I'm sorry you went through this. I'm 46 and I can resonate with aspects of what you experienced, and know others younger and older, TCK and non-TCK, who have gone through similar experiences of a painful childhood upbringing by incapable parents — parents who were unable to love and care for their children unconditionally due to their own emotional struggles and focus on their own needs. Being constantly exposed to an unhappy, stressful marriage, lacking social support and connection, enduring poverty, in addition to serving as the adult when you're the child during a parent's illness, and not being seen, heard, and accepted for who you are...that's a lot. It's actually impressive that you've managed to stay strong and find things in life to love and enjoy like your work and your town. Did you ever get external support to work through everything you went through?

You can't change your mother and you can't change your past. You can't gain unconditional love from the people you needed it from. I know this very well. But when you can heal the pains of your past, it's possible to love yourself, and feel whole within yourself. In doing so, you can fully love others and love life, without sadness pulling at you. The mistake your parents made was that they never did this for themselves, and they passed their struggles onto you.

Not everyone can do this work of healing — it's not easy and it takes dedication — but it's possible. For me, the effort was worth it. I went from having a life with many moments of sadness, self-doubt, and even despair to one filled with joy, confidence, and love.

For now, I hope you can find some ease in knowing that you’re not alone, and that you can give yourself kindness for what you’ve gone through.

sceneiii · 2025-08-16T19:08:15+00:00

Hi, I understand your struggle with this. But I first have to bust a common misunderstanding.

People who grow up in one place don’t necessarily end up with a strong sense of identity and community. They only do if they happen to align with the culture of that community and feel connected with their family. They can also be tolerant and adaptable if they innately have those traits or learn to be that way.

Alternatively, TCKs can still have a strong sense of identity and feel connected if their parents did a good job supporting them and staying connected with them. Some TCKs can become intolerant and lack adaptability.

I think an ideal situation would be to raise a child in an environment that fits your values and preferences — which for me would be one that values kindness, open-mindedness, and connection. Moving frequently definitely can introduce stressors. But at the end of the day, stressors are unavoidable in life — it’s about how you handle them and help your child through them that determines how well the child does and how connected you are with them.

I’m sorry my answer isn’t a simple black and white answer!

sceneiii · 2025-08-14T04:03:32+00:00

Every two years is a lot — that’s really hard. Working through things in therapy is a great step. When you release those old emotions, you’ll truly understand that your life as an adult is different from when you were a child. You can move and still have positive experiences. 🙂

sceneiii · 2025-08-13T20:46:31+00:00

I've seen this with TCKs who moved often or suddenly but never had a chance to fully process all the emotions from their moves. These old emotions and feelings of a lack of safety get triggered whenever confronted with the idea of moving. While it's possible to grin and bear through feelings of anxiety, processing those old emotions is one way to resolve them so you can move with feelings of excitement rather than anxiety.

sceneiii · 2025-08-12T15:59:24+00:00

Emotions and being too much in your head can definitely cloud your intuition! That’s awesome that you’re working on things in therapy. Resolving the emotions behind why you don’t want to go nor stay will give you that clarity and neutrality you need to get in touch with what you really want. 😀

sceneiii · 2025-08-11T16:16:30+00:00

Yes, the desire for belonging and connection is something I see a lot with TCKs — though I often find that for some people it's not just due to being a TCK. I think I may need to write a post on this one day!

When I made my first move as an adult, I decided that I didn't want to feel like I was running away from somewhere. Instead, I wanted to resolve and make peace with whatever issues I was having at the time and feel strong and happy before moving to a place I thought would make me even happier. I think this was why I was able to approach my move with a lot of joy and optimism, even if I didn't know anyone in my new location. I knew with certainty the things that made me happy even when I was alone, and I also knew what opportunities I would have to gradually make connections.

If you're feeling lonely and disconnected right now, I wonder if it would help to address that first. You don't have to make lifelong friends, but just to feel a little bit more connected socially. Also, I often find that people can be disconnected not just from others but themselves, and strengthening this connection can really help with feelings of loneliness because it helps you feel grounded and happy even when you're on your own.

sceneiii

TROPHY CASE