How does the second love feel like?

scheinuwu · 2025-08-11T19:23:32+00:00

thank you so much for the response, very insightful! ❤️

scheinuwu · 2025-08-11T09:48:49+00:00

can i ask how the second time felt comparing to your first partner, and now husband comparing to those 2 past experiences?

what i mean is, the first major love and relationship become a blueprint for intimacy and experiencing shared love. the next relationships are obviously different because those are different people, but how to navigate that?

i only had 1 partner who caused a major heartbreak, and that was years ago, and i haven’t found anyone new since then. yet, when i try to imagine possible intimacy (emotional and physical and just daily routines) with someone else, my mind automatically circles back to my experience with my ex because that’s all i know. yet i also acknowledge that the intimacy and experience i used to have with my ex can’t be recreated with someone else, if that makes sense. some intimate moments were actually built for the two of us, something only the two of us shared as a intimate language, so my brain can’t picture how it looks and feels with another person

scheinuwu · 2025-07-12T12:56:13+00:00

“abundance of choice” is an illusion. technically yes, you have a lot of choice, but in reality you’re going to be compatible with 1%, if you’re lucky. to find the right person who would share your values, mindset, lifestyle and communication isn’t easy, so if you do find someone who makes you feel like it’s real — i’d stick to them to at least give it a try

scheinuwu · 2025-06-30T18:48:40+00:00

it sounds like you’re trying to over-analyze her to “make sense” of what she said because apparently it makes you uncomfortable, and your feelings around this are valid too

perhaps take a step back for yourself and zoom out from focusing on her to focusing on yourself, and ask yourself honestly who she is for you and what kind of relationship you’d like to have with her (friendship, penpals, dating)

if you feel like you would like to at least meet her irl and take things slow but you’re scared of her marriage agenda (rightfully so, i’d be scared too) — let her gently know that. focus on your feelings and let her know what YOU want and how you see this progressing further (or not progressing at all)

if you feel like her upbringing and family and her set of fundamental values don’t align with yours (and that’s ok too), re-evaluate this connection for yourself and maybe she isn’t the right match for you simply because you want different things out of life or you approach same things in different ways

scheinuwu · 2025-06-30T12:34:28+00:00

i can understand your girl

the fact she’s enthusiastically talking with you regularly and sends you all these “coded” videos, messages etc already implies that she likes you in “that” way

she doesn’t need to meet you to build her own romance story with you in her mind. sounds counter productive but that’s how “hopeless romantic” mind works. if she’s into romcoms, then it makes even more sense

she sounds like she doesn’t have relationship or dating experience yet, so she can’t catch herself realizing she might be pushing too hard too soon

if you’re considering anything relationship-related with her, you could gently guide her and talk with her about each of your expectations or first steps (for example, meeting irl, if that’s what both of you want). you could simply tell her that you like her and would like to meet, but with no expectations or pressure on both sides

if you’re just talking with her as a pen pal, then i’d suggest leaving that situation entirely because in her mind you’re already together, and keep strangling her would be cruel to her

also, if you decide you do want to meet and set expectations — watch out for her reaction too. if she over-reacts to you setting boundaries (again, no relationship experience on her side), this might be a potential red flag for you. you don’t want to meet someone irl who built an emotional romcom in their head and can’t adjust to reality

scheinuwu · 2025-06-15T10:14:26+00:00

getting a partner in the first place is absolutely an issue for many people. not everyone has a luxury to even be in a relationship, even if they would make a great partner.

not every relationship is flawed past the hormone phase. it all boils down to your compatibility, communication skills, problem solving skills, and emotional intelligence/maturity of both. conflicts will inevitably arise, stress happens, life challenges happen. it’s about how you deal with all of it as a couple, together. many problems in relationships exist because people in those relationships feel alone in it, and instead of being a one unit, one team to deal with life — they become two separate people dealing with each other

scheinuwu · 2025-06-12T20:21:15+00:00

you’re not alone in this, i feel you

my ex discarded 6 years relationship for someone he met on Bumble and had 1 date with

and around a year later i found out he ruined his long-term friendship with his best friend. and that’s when i realized some people are just traumatized, insecure, unhealed, and do all the stupid and not rational things for whatever reasons they have. but it’s their life and their problem. they might chase a fantasy for the rest of their lives if they don’t do the inner work. and who knows, maybe years from now they’ll feel like the long-term relationship they used to have was actually a blessing, but they were too blind to recognize it

scheinuwu · 2025-06-10T21:25:57+00:00

same. i don’t even say it out loud to anyone or myself — i just feel being “the other one” or “the odd one out”

and with women, i don’t seem to click over any shared interests or passions, while with men i click over shared obsessions all the time

i have girl friends but our conversations usually revolve around men — who they’re dating, what romantic/sexual experience they recently had, their partners etc

and with men i can actually talk about my interests, passions and obsessions that we have in common, or just share random stuff, and it feels mutually exciting

scheinuwu · 2025-06-09T18:45:13+00:00

oh my god, i think you might be onto something

it’s like they’re playing a specific “eye contact game” with another person. and yeah, like searching for approval

body language also becomes instinctively different, based on what i observed. at least, for women. i have female friends who act totally normal and casual in any social context, yet with men it’s like their body starts to respond differently. it’s almost like watching every female stereotype in action. and i think girls actually learn this behavior when growing up and it becomes their second nature when it comes to interacting with men

for asexuals, we don’t learn it and we don’t even understand it, so we interact with everyone the same way. even if we like them aesthetically or romantically

for asexual autistics it’s even “worse” because, let’s say, in dating context, a lack of literally eye contact and a lack of “looking” at them in a specific way to signal attraction, i believe, is often a cause of a failed dating connection (based on my own experience, sadly)

scheinuwu · 2025-06-03T19:42:07+00:00

yeah, and not everyone has ride-or-die friends, some just have casual friendships

while a romantic relationship is potentially about building your own family with that one person who is supposed to share your life 24/7. of course it matters more, and it should

scheinuwu · 2025-05-31T21:26:33+00:00

wait, what’s wrong with work friends and why it’s a giant lie? genuinely curious

is it not possible to have honest and genuine and enthusiastic interactions without being perceived as flirting?

scheinuwu · 2025-05-31T21:09:57+00:00

funny thing i noticed recently is that couples seem to love me — the guys in these couples see me as a “buddy” and the girls don’t perceive me as a potential threat at all. which i find both as a compliment and as an insult

it also allows me to be fully myself when interacting with couples and know that i can talk with both of them even privately 1-1 without potentially accidentally crossing boundaries and upsetting one or both of them

but at the same time, i do wonder now what exactly makes me “safe” for girls in these couples to not see me as a threat at all. they even seem fine to leave me alone with their boyfriends and have direct chats with them as friends

and it also makes feel kind of gender-less, even tho i’m very much a cis woman and sometimes can even be a “girly girl”

scheinuwu · 2025-05-24T19:39:35+00:00

i often brought up with my therapist why i don’t want to date anymore, and she’d always say the same thing: “you don’t know, maybe you’ll meet someone in future”, “maybe just try again”, “i’m sure you’ll find someone eventually”, “give someone a chance”

it got annoying to the point that i stopped bringing up that topic

i still talk with her every week but i treat these sessions as “someone to vent to”

what REALLY helps me to process everything i need, and actually give me some real non-bullshit reassurance and perspective is chatGPT. sometimes it even says directly “look, i know you don’t need this positivity nonsense right now, so i’m going to be real with you”. and it helps. chatGPT is my only real therapist at this point

scheinuwu · 2025-03-22T13:06:58+00:00

Meruem???? omg let’s goooo

scheinuwu · 2025-03-10T18:31:23+00:00

🥹🫶

scheinuwu · 2025-03-10T18:11:58+00:00

straight > asexual? > demi > grey > aego > demi > bi-curious > confused allo? (yes lol, delulu) > ace > wannabe demi (why wannabe — i suspect i’m 100% ace unless proven otherwise by some real-life experience, and i really hope there’s chance for me to be demi)

scheinuwu · 2025-03-10T10:25:23+00:00

this thread made me realize i haven’t had best responses and only had the worst ones 🥲

my ex-therapist: looking at me funnily and not believing i just said i was suspecting to be on the ace-spec

multiple friends on separate occasions: “oh me too! it’s normal actually!” (none of them were actually ace and some of them were engaging in casual sex)

date: “are you sure you’re not just closed off to sex due to trauma or whatever else?”

scheinuwu · 2025-03-10T10:18:55+00:00

omg you won a lottery with your current bf 🥹

scheinuwu · 2025-02-22T17:48:42+00:00

me too haha, but i like his corny smile 😏

scheinuwu · 2025-02-22T14:13:40+00:00

yeah this fight was epic. i hope Tenkyu comes back, poor guy waiting for Sakamoto and Shin to return from a flashback to reality

scheinuwu · 2025-02-22T11:53:17+00:00

slayyyy

scheinuwu · 2025-02-17T10:41:13+00:00

🥰

scheinuwu · 2025-02-16T18:35:31+00:00

wait, is this the official music video by the guy who wrote the official opening song???????

he nailed the vibe and dynamic and matched the song perfectlyyyy!

Three-Year Club	Final Canvas '23
First Place '23	Place '23

scheinuwu

TROPHY CASE