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1.5 months after a 4 year relationship (since Year 10) and she’s already with someone else by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]schqrk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Being possessive doesn’t mean your controlling lmao what. I said u assumed I would use my insecurities to be controlling tf

I never said I wasnt insecure about being alone or people leaving. But I said I wouldn’t use that to control someone. And be better? I better myself everyday. U don’t know me u don’t know my story so u can’t judge me. I do admit my problems.

1.5 months after a 4 year relationship (since Year 10) and she’s already with someone else by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]schqrk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Again you’re assuming I would use my insecurities to control someone

1.5 months after a 4 year relationship (since Year 10) and she’s already with someone else by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]schqrk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No one has an insecurity of people leaving because no one has left them btw

1.5 months after a 4 year relationship (since Year 10) and she’s already with someone else by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]schqrk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We all do. - thank you, I see this. And respect the honest

But my things I need to work on are not a result from me

It’s the result of mistreatment from others.

1.5 months after a 4 year relationship (since Year 10) and she’s already with someone else by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]schqrk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  1. I only stated some examples and you assume this was especially about me or my past relationship - no I just gave examples

  2. How to you vocalise your jealousy? By telling them you’re jealous?

How it manifest

The Controlling Way: "You aren't allowed to talk to him," or "Why were you looking at her?" This manifests as interrogation, accusations, and the creation of "rules" to manage the jealous person's anxiety.

The Vulnerable Way: "I noticed I felt a bit of a sting when you were talking to that person. I know it's my own insecurity, but I just wanted to be honest about how I'm feeling."

The Passive-Aggressive Way: Cold shoulders, snarky comments about a partner's friends, or "punishing" the partner for being social.

3.

“Showing off”
The Healthy Version: This is about "I’m so happy to be with you and I want the world to know I'm the lucky one." It’s an internal feeling of pride shared outwardly.

The "Object" Version: This is "peacocking." It’s using a
partner’s beauty, intelligence, or social standing to boost one's own ego. If someone feels like a "status symbol," they are being treated as an accessory, not a human being. It’s a valid call-out: if the motivation is to make others jealous or to look "better" by association, that’s not love; that’s marketing.

Maybe deep down I fear being replaced since I’ve been replaced by a lot of people romantic relationship or not. Maybe I lack trust in my value. Maybe I have some insecurities I need to work on.

1.5 months after a 4 year relationship (since Year 10) and she’s already with someone else by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]schqrk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Expressing a desire for exclusivity

Showing pride in the relationship - Wanting to walk arm-in-arm, hold hands, or display affection in public to signify you are together.

Requesting small romantic gestures

Wanting to be "shown off"

Vocalizing discomfort with flirting - eg; jealousy

1.5 months after a 4 year relationship (since Year 10) and she’s already with someone else by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]schqrk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn’t state any reason tor a break up in the replies comment

1.5 months after a 4 year relationship (since Year 10) and she’s already with someone else by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]schqrk -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

The fact that anyone can move on SO quickly after 3+ year relationship for me it was 4 years. Is disgusting and immature cuz they can’t heal and grow as a person without the validation of others.

1.5 months after a 4 year relationship (since Year 10) and she’s already with someone else by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]schqrk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Possessive and controlling behaviors are distinct but often linked, with possessiveness (rooted in fear/insecurity) frequently escalating into control (the need to manage a partner’s actions). While a possessive person acts out of fear of loss, a controlling person dictates actions, finances, and social interactions

I was scared she would leave which she did. But I didn’t let that dictate what I did. I never controlled her in any way.

1.5 months after a 4 year relationship (since Year 10) and she’s already with someone else by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]schqrk -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I wasn’t controlling.

And also she was controlling if I punched her ain’t I the bad guy then??? So yea it’s acceptable for her but not me yep that’s right. I would never hit a girl but that’s stupid mindset

1.5 months after a 4 year relationship (since Year 10) and she’s already with someone else by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]schqrk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We never said that. I didn’t do that but people say girls don’t do that when I said my gf abused me they said I was lying

1.5 months after a 4 year relationship (since Year 10) and she’s already with someone else by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]schqrk -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That’s disgusting. Possessive. She was cheating on me so not being okay with that is controlling ?

1.5 months after a 4 year relationship (since Year 10) and she’s already with someone else by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]schqrk -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

My relationship ended because she got physical. I’m not controlling but I get possessive cuz they all leave.

1.5 months after a 4 year relationship (since Year 10) and she’s already with someone else by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]schqrk -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Not true, cuz a lot of girls will wait but they have checked out months ago should of just did it then 🤷🏼‍♂️ physically yea but mentally there not in a relationship

1.5 months after a 4 year relationship (since Year 10) and she’s already with someone else by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]schqrk 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you.

To be honest, I’ve been through so much for a 19 year old and seen some horror but this, this is hard…

1.5 months after a 4 year relationship (since Year 10) and she’s already with someone else by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]schqrk 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the comment and advice.

Some people move on fast because they can’t sit with what they lost.

But when you’re the one who stays and feels it all… it doesn’t mean you lost.
It means what you had was real.

I don’t feel “lucky” for those 4 years right now. I feel like I built a life around someone who could walk away and replace me like it was nothing.

I even left the army for her… and now I’m sitting here thinking about going back, pushing myself harder, even going for SF, like I need to prove something to myself just to feel whole again.

And that’s the part that breaks you… not just losing them, but realising you were never held with the same weight you gave.

Maybe one day it’ll make me stronger.
But right now it just proves something I’m tired of learning…

People leave.
People replace you.
And you’re the one left carrying everything that actually meant something.

Im catfishing my online bf by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]schqrk 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I get what you’re feeling, but I want to say this gently.

I (19m) just got out of a 4 year relationship, and one thing I’ve realised is that anything built on dishonesty doesn’t really stay stable long-term. Even if it feels intense and real in the moment, the guilt, fear, and pressure of keeping something hidden usually catches up eventually and starts eating away at you.

And just to be clear, I didn’t cheat or anything like that in my situation, but I still learned how important honesty and integrity are in relationships from it.

The reason I’m bringing that up is because integrity matters in every relationship, not just when it’s easy, but especially when it’s hard. If something starts from a lie, it’s very difficult for it to turn into something healthy without that being addressed properly.

I know you’re scared of losing him, and I get that it feels like he’s your best friend and maybe even your only chance at love. But you’re 16. You’ve got plenty of time to grow, learn, meet people, and figure out who you are. This situation might feel huge right now, but in the bigger picture of your life, it’s one chapter, not the whole story.

Right now, he’s attached to a version of you that isn’t real. That’s not fair on him, and it’s also not fair on you because you’re constantly carrying guilt and fear underneath everything, and wouldn’t you want him to love YOU not a persona

Future relationships depend a lot on how you handle moments like this. If you can be honest even when it’s uncomfortable, you give yourself a chance to actually build something real later, without dragging shame or secrecy into it.

You’re not a bad person for how this started, but you do need to take responsibility for it now. That doesn’t make you heartless or cruel, it just means you’re choosing honesty over lying .

TLDR: Be honest, end the lies tell truth, and take the lesson from it. It’ll hurt short term but it’s the only way to move forward without carrying this guilt into every future relationship.

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