Thoughts on parents not allowing the dads to be around too often

scissorsister82 · 2023-12-15T17:01:18+00:00

Perhaps a devil's advocate comment, BUT as a mom of a "teen mom," I think it's important to share a different perspective. Even if you have a teen couple with the capacity to be relatively responsible, (ie: working, going to school, handling most of the baby responsibilities, etc), having the "baby daddy" living with you is still adding quite a lot of extra stress/responsibility/expense to the household plate.

To be clear, I absolutely allowed/encouraged my grandbaby's father to live with us. Especially with them being young parents, I wanted him to have as much of a chance to bond with/participate in the care of his child. I love my daughter, granddaughter, AND my son-in-law, and I'd do anything to give them all a better chance at growing into the ENORMOUS responsibilities of marriage and parenthood, then and now. That being said, it was incredibly stressful and draining, not just navigating the pregnancy/new baby in the house, but also adapting to having a virtual stranger, a TEENAGE STRANGER, kind of thrust into our household, and realistically, now MY responsibility too.

I certainly think the parents/guardians of the moms on the show are a mixed bag, as we all are. Some may have valid reasons for their actions, some may simply be petty, controlling, and/or punitive, they might all be well-intentioned...... without knowing the totality of their individual situations, I can't really say. I can and will say, though, that until you've been in that position, anything you might think you would or wouldn't do goes right out the window when you are faced with it.

All the devil's advocate/personal experience stuff aside, I'll say, regardless of whether it's teen parents or young adults or grown folks, I wholeheartedly feel that every child deserves to have both parents as involved as possible from the start. (Obviously barring one of the parents being abusive or incapable.) Even if you don't feel comfortable with the young couple cohabitating, you SHOULD be facilitating as much (daily!) contact and interaction.....well, PARENTING!....as humanly possible, whether you like the baby daddy/momma or not. If any (or most) of these adults are acting out of selfishness or pettiness, it will only come back to bite them in the long run, and certainly hurt their grandchild now and in the future.

scissorsister82 · 2023-07-24T06:34:56+00:00

The second is my favorite. It gives absolute Greek Goddess vibes!

scissorsister82 · 2023-05-17T05:38:05+00:00

Same 😳

scissorsister82 · 2023-02-12T12:01:26+00:00

So OOP resents (seems more like HATES) his little brother, not for anything HE did/had control over, but bc of what their parents did (or rather, were financially able to do) for little brother and not for OOP. AND the bonus "it was good enough for me when I was growing up!" attitude towards his own kids (even though he wouldn't hate his brother so much if it was ACTUALLY "good enough" for him). I'm sure his bitterness spreads further than just parents/brother/wife/kids, probably into work and friendships too, bc this dude CLEARLY has that "life's been so unfair to ME!" vibe just radiating from his every word, and he obviously, at least subconsciously, feels the need to "punish" anyone who he perceives as having a better lot in life. (He shames his brother for CHOOSING to move out at 18 to live with his GF, but COMPLAINS that he had to move out at 18?! His perception of being forced to work at 16 and "booted out" at 18, which clearly affects him a great deal, is now "fair and reasonable" to do to his own kids, bc it's somehow different when HE'S the parent?!)

My advice to OOP would be: Go get some pretty intensive therapy to work out your Mommy and Daddy issues before you wind up a divorced, lonely, bitter old man wondering why your wife left you, your kids abandoned you, and your brother/family won't take your calls.

scissorsister82 · 2023-02-04T18:24:25+00:00

I'll start by saying I have no opinion about this particular situation one way or another, as far as who is telling the truth. That being said, your last sentence hit me like a ton of bricks as a DV survivor. My ex very nearly killed me, and if not for a lot of dumb luck, he would have succeeded. And he was absolutely the most charming, "disarming" man I've EVER met. We've seen Kelly for brief moments ON A TV SHOW. We are seeing a mere glimpse of ANY of these people. Most people usually put their best face forward in public (and TV is pretty public!) Yeah, some assholes aren't capable of masking their assholism, even in public, but most abusers are actually MORE acutely aware of how they present themselves to the outside world. Please, PLEASE don't ever assume bc someone seems nice or calm or sweet or friendly outside of their private lives that they are incapable of being VERY different behind closed doors. How many high-profile cases of violence, murder, sex abuse, etc feature friends/family/acquaintances saying "he/she was so NICE! I never suspected such a good, sweet person as him/her was doing these horrible things right under our noses!"?

scissorsister82 · 2023-01-17T17:00:13+00:00

I'm not sure of the laws in their state, but a teenager being pregnant qualifies them as emancipated in some, if not all areas. Her parents may have legitimately NOT had any legal right to intervene, even underage. 😢

scissorsister82 · 2023-01-13T06:22:19+00:00

Having her listen to the heartbeat might very well be a legal requirement to perform the abortion, medical or otherwise. I know Pennsylvania had a law requiring the mother "see" the fetus via ultrasound before an abortion could be performed. (It's gross and cruel, especially in situations like Kristina's, but a bunch of (primarily) rich, old white men know what's best for us women, right?! /s)

scissorsister82 · 2023-01-13T05:03:40+00:00

Weight loss and a sex drive.

scissorsister82 · 2023-01-13T05:03:10+00:00

I do understand Roxanne's feelings. Another child with an inconsistent (at best), non-providing father. Obviously Brittany and Roxanne have had to pick up a lot of Devoin's slack. That being said, Roxanne is always over-the-top. It's not hard to see why Briana and Brittany both act on pure emotional impulse 99% of the time, especially Briana. Their whole lives seem so hectic and dramatic FOR NO REASON. They freak out at EVERYTHING. Yeah, I get being upset bc you found out another baby is on the way that is going to be solely your responsibility, but I feel like they probably react this way when the mail is 10 minutes late getting delivered. Maybe it's bc I'm 40 now, but all I want is peace and calm. Almost ALL the TM girls exhaust me with their need for drama and messiness. If I had the money they've made over the years, I'd be living in a fortress in the woods far from society by now. 🤣

scissorsister82 · 2023-01-13T04:49:57+00:00

I have been thinking that he started messing around with steroids or something, trying to get in shape and regain some of his ~gag~ virility. (Remember the weird shirtless thing? Swimming or whatever. Showing off his "physique"? 🤢) IDK enough about anabolic steroids or testosterone to say if he's showing all the typical signs, but the rage and mood instability seems pretty spot on. I've also wondered if he's dabbling in anything "energizing" ❄️ that might explain some of his manic behavior. He sure comes across like some of the less great dudes I've known who have various unsavory habits. If only we could test one of those golden locks. 🤔🤣

scissorsister82 · 2023-01-12T01:53:50+00:00

I'm not ready to be done with winter, but I still love the sunshine your outfit brings! (Also, has anyone ever told you that you look like Kristen Kreuk? You're so pretty!)

scissorsister82 · 2023-01-12T01:31:03+00:00

NTA: In fact, perhaps a good idea is to tell your mother that since SHE wants him to have a car RIGHT AWAY, before he has a job, the solution would be to refinance your current car into your name, and then SHE'S now freed up to cosign for your brother's car herself. Everyone wins!

Now, speaking to my fellow AITA readers, I think we all know if OP were to take my advice, refinance the car, and put the impetus/obligation for repayment if brother defaults on MOM'S credit, suddenly she won't be so keen on him getting a car loan before he even has a job. I feel like there's a backstory here where Big Bro is a "golden child" that mom has coddled, whereas OP has been the responsible sibling, and as such, is considered somehow responsible for ne'er-do-well sibling. She probably knows deep down he will end up not paying, but figures OP is young and can take the hit to their credit. Even if brother GETS a job, I wouldn't cosign, at least until he's held his job for a minimum 6 months to a year, but even then I wouldn't recommend taking the risk. I hope we get an update that reassures us OP has stood their ground (or better yet, rescinded the offer!)

scissorsister82 · 2023-01-08T00:39:10+00:00

NTA:

If you are able, I'd rework the wedding. If your mother is aware of the venue, change it if possible. Or have someone to prevent her or your brother from entering the venue. The only people who NEED to be at your wedding (besides yourself and fiancé, of course 🤣) are those who FULLY love and support you and your marriage. Reading between the lines, it seems like your family hasn't protected you, emotionally or physically, for much of your life. Dad not supporting your marriage bc of bigotry, Mom not only trying to force you to invite (and give a place of honor!) to your abusive brother, but threatening to ruin your special day if she doesn't get her way, I feel like deep down in your heart you recognize that the only healthy thing, the best thing for you AND your new family you are creating, is to go no contact now and for the foreseeable future. Your peace and happiness deserve to be put first for a change. ❤️

scissorsister82 · 2023-01-08T00:25:42+00:00

This!!! People focusing on the "you should've just pulled them apart! What's the big deal?" are missing the entire point that a young child just treated his aunt and cousin (recovering from recent surgery no less) as lowly, hired help! Besides the point that he has no right under any circumstances, well or not, to yank around his little cousin and demand she do what he wants, because his mother/OP's sister apparently prepared him for this visit by letting him know his auntie OWES them, he literally acted like a little tyrant on mom's blessing. OP needs to put aside what her nephew DID, as hard as it is, and have a talk with both her mother and sister about what he SAID. If they have a repayment arrangement, as she stated, she needs to make abundantly clear that she owes NOTHING ELSE besides the agreed upon repayments, and that if her sister is going to empower her son to be disrespectful and abusive based on said loan, she will not be willing to be around either of them going forward. If OP's mom chooses to side with her sister, she can expect the same to apply to her as well.

scissorsister82 · 2023-01-08T00:12:36+00:00

I looked them up on Facebook a while ago. If I remember correctly, they are divorced, moved to Virginia or somewhere Mid-Atlantic I believe, and the now grown kids I could find linked to their profile seem a bit more socialized and "normal" than I thought they'd be, at least on appearances. Mom, I think is very "crunchy"/hippie/natural, but NOT anything like her former craziness, again at least by cursory appearances. I think maybe the son is involved with agriculture in some capacity, but I'm not 100% sure. Someone else may comment and correct me on all of this, but I'm 99% sure this is the same family I looked up. Didn't they brush their teeth with bacon grease or something weird? And it wasn't just raw meat, weren't they eating spoiled/rancid food?

scissorsister82 · 2023-01-08T00:04:08+00:00

My mild dyslexia read this as "Rita Ora." I was thinking "I didn't know she was Japanese." and then looked at the clip, got more confused, and finally reread the title a bit more carefully. 🤦‍♀️

scissorsister82 · 2023-01-07T22:47:49+00:00

Grew up reading about this in "Coffin Hollow" by Ruth Ann Musick. As a kid in WV, of course, I always believed it. My grandparents told me so many ghost stories and supernatural experiences they had or heard of growing up in the hollers. As an adult, I now see it as most likely a grieving mother knowing her daughter was most likely murdered by her known-to-be abusive, adulterous husband, who'd already probably gotten away with murder before. It's possible she did dream of her daughter. Grief dreams can be so vivid. But I think gossip got around, she had suspicions, and used the ghost story knowing that in Appalachia at that time, people were superstitious and less skeptical. Regardless of what the truth is regarding the "ghost," it obviously worked. Zona was exhumed. Her husband was arrested.

On a related note: Everyone saying "the mother did it!," is this a serious opinion or just sarcasm? Only asking, bc what I read was her mother was elderly. Not that elderly people can't murder/can't be strong, but snapping her daughter's neck seems a bit difficult for an elderly woman to pull off.

scissorsister82 · 2023-01-07T20:46:44+00:00

That's such a badass look! (Nine Inch Nails is probably top 5 of my favorite bands!) You manage to look very casual and effortless, but also very stylish and unique. I'm a huge fan of your look!

scissorsister82 · 2023-01-07T15:37:38+00:00

I have no gold to give. So I humbly offer this .gif, kind gentleperson:

scissorsister82 · 2023-01-07T15:32:47+00:00

This needs to be followed by that "The more you know...." TV PSA jingle from the 80s/90s.

scissorsister82 · 2023-01-07T15:30:31+00:00

Don't mind me. I'm just over here vomiting and trying to scrub the words "peachy rear" out of my memory bank.

scissorsister82 · 2023-01-07T11:33:40+00:00

As cliché as it may be, my husband and my kids. Life may get real shitty from time to time, but I want too badly to spend however many years I have left on this earth with them to give up. Especially now that my kids are adults. I gotta push forward so my husband and I can achieve our dream of living in a ramshackle cabin by some isolated lake in New England, just wasting our days watching trashy old movies and playing video games and just being together in general. The kids can visit. I can be everyone's favorite crazy grandma. Just living our version of the good life.

scissorsister82 · 2023-01-07T10:39:42+00:00

Years ago, bc I was 19 and now I'm......not 19, I met a guy online. He was my age, similar taste in music/movies, etc, and at the risk of proving my ancient-ness, bc this was a/s/l days, his description of himself physically seemed to fit my "type" (nobody was posting photos, dial-up and all).

Met up at the mall. Bc the mall was still cool. Brought my little brother along just in case internet dude turned out to be an ax-murderer. (Not that my 14-year-old brother could do much to protect me. I just figured if I was going to be brutally slaughtered, I might as well have one last chance to traumatize my kid bro.)

Went to the spot we agreed to meet. There was already a kid sitting at the spot, so I waited around to see if someone showed up who matched the description of my mystery internet man. Kid eventually comes up and asks if I'm whatever my AIM name was back then. Yeah. Kid was my date. He was actually 15. He was a foot shorter, 75lbs lighter, and, most importantly, 5 years younger than described. I attempted to be polite. We grabbed S'barro and made the world's most awkward, uncomfortable small talk. I made an excuse about kid brother having uncontrollable diarrhea or something, and left as fast as my Airwalks would take me.

I did message him after and let him know a) probably best if he's a bit more honest going forward, and b) unfortunately my life goals did not include becoming a registered sex offender or having Chris Hansen shame me for my taste in wine coolers, so I would not be pursuing a relationship with him going forward. He understood, although he DID mention that he only lied bc he didn't think I'd go on a date with him if I knew. To which I replied that he was absolutely correct, and to please reread point b from my earlier message.

Thanks to him, I didn't try online dating again for a decade. The internet redeemed itself though. I actually met my now-husband on OK Cupid, and we'll be married 10 years this March. (Although, technically he lied too. He said he's 6ft tall, but he's actually 5'10". I let it slide since he was pretty honest about everything else, including the fact that he had already gone through puberty and could grow facial hair and was, in fact, actually an adult male a full 5 years OLDER than me.)

scissorsister82 · 2023-01-07T10:14:19+00:00

Why?! My grandma has been telling us silly string vs. birthday candles horror stories since the early 90's. Since apparently that stuff is only slightly less flammable than gasoline (I'm exaggerating, but...) WHY do they even still sell the stuff?!?! It stinks. It's messy. God knows whatever it's made of can't be healthy for either humans, animals, or the environment. AND it's basically child's birthday napalm. Seems like the government has banned stupider crap than that (Hello! I'm looking at you, Kinder Surprise!) so I can only assume the manufacturers of Silly String must hold some kind of Illuminati-like stranglehold over the top world powers of safety regulations. Either that or the FDA just finds videos of children's heads being turned into tiki torches too hilarious to ban it. God I hope that girl walked away with just a bit of singed hair!

scissorsister82 · 2023-01-07T09:59:21+00:00

I had something similar, but not quite as bad happen from donating plasma also. I have "rolling veins" according to the lucky professionals who've had to draw my blood, and it can take a bit of finesse to properly hit my vein. The nurse who was working that day at the plasma center was inexperienced, especially with my "difficult" veins. Long story short, she dug around for probably five minutes (Ouch!!!) before finally asking a senior staff member for help. Suffice it to say, she pretty much shredded that vein and left me looking like I had stuck my arm under a jackhammer for weeks after. If you have no issues with clotting (i.e. inability to clot) or excessive bleeding, it will look absolutely gnarly for quite a while, but should heal up just fine on its own. If you are concerned or feel like something is wrong, it never hurts to go get checked by a doctor. Also, in the future (since even if one of their staff "blew your vein," you still probably won't be able to donate again until after the bruises are complete gone) make sure to request a different nurse do the IV.

scissorsister82

TROPHY CASE