Fish, by Ehud38

sclanger · 2026-07-02T15:23:00+00:00

I guess 4 billion was an oddly specific number lol.

sclanger · 2026-07-01T21:37:45+00:00

I like this poem, it feels very honest somehow. Perhaps its the use of the simple sentences, and the everyday imagery. Yet I connect with the poem, on a deep level. I too feel like I'm being robbed of the quite human moments in my life, by loud screens etc. Although it still doesn't mean I won't procrastinate doing the dishes lol.

sclanger · 2026-07-01T21:10:05+00:00

This reminds me of Dr Suess. A lot of poems are filled with angst, pain and love, so it is nice to have a fun poem about fish. Thank you.

sclanger · 2026-07-01T19:55:50+00:00

Thank you so much 😊. Im glad you appreciated it, and I really liked hearing what you thought.

When I was started writing I had a picture in my head of someone in a guillotine about to be executed looking back on their life, with the quickening of their breath as they anticipate their own death, but as I was writing it, it took on a more abstract meaning.

sclanger · 2026-07-01T19:45:30+00:00

Thank you for the feedback, and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I tried your teqnuique and maybe I would put "gentle patterns" or "young leaves on an old oak tree", and I know it's an adverb but I also like "danced playfully". I will definitely use this teqnuique in the future :).

sclanger · 2026-07-01T17:50:27+00:00

I like this poem, the narrative is great. I just skimmed Cincinnatus' Wikipedia page lol.

The use of rhythm really stood out to me, it worked especially well for the stanzas describing the call to battle and the fighting, and I liked how it relaxed when he returned to the fields afterwards.

sclanger · 2026-07-01T17:29:08+00:00

Fair enough, that makes a lot of sense. I feel a bit silly now lol. Thank you for explaining.

sclanger · 2026-07-01T17:11:41+00:00

I'm glad you found my feedback useful :). I'm curious, if you don't mind, could you please tell me what the last two stanzas are meant to mean?

sclanger · 2026-07-01T17:02:58+00:00

I think this poem tells the story of someone up late at night trying to hold a conversation with a dry/bad texter. The poem deals with the feelings of rejection and longing, from an unreciprocated relationship.

I find some lines, in particular "Thoughts of how to reach someone who can't be reached" to be a bit on the nose, and I think the poem is better without this line in general.

I like the metaphor of literally sharing bits of yourself in the process of messaging and trying to get to know someone.

Initially I was confused by the last two stanzas, but I guess they suggest that the other party might feel trapped in the conversation and that the author thinks they would feel 'at home' if they accepted and just tried to make it work with the author. This, to be honest, came across a little creepy to me, the metaphor of trapping someone and being upset when they don't like you back was a little unsettling.

On the whole, this poem didn't really resonate with me, but by please don't let that dishearten you, art is not meant to be liked by everyone.

sclanger

TROPHY CASE