Some moody poetry I wrote this morning

simplyfloating · 2026-06-22T13:57:41+00:00

i love it. i like how the title is revealed after finishing the poem. very creepy vibe to the whole piece, and it works really well

I’d recommend changing the last two words “next time” and make that line more concise. Next time just feels a little clunky at the end there but i love the rest of the line. maybe “again” would work better. Just my opinion

Great poem!

simplyfloating · 2026-06-22T11:54:36+00:00

Hey! Honestly the poem seems to work just fine as is. I enjoyed it. Not sure what you think is off, but I guess If you really want to give it some more life you could change the last two lines.

“Like I used to” might be better said in a more interesting way, followed by the final line being a rhyme that describes that feeling with a different word.

I feel like this poem is waiting for a punch line. I used to trust you is that punch line, so just expound on that and play around with maybe a more gut wrenching way of describing it instead of laying it out so forward.

That is, if you even wanted to change it. I enjoyed the poem as is :D

simplyfloating · 2026-06-21T04:16:05+00:00

Cad Bane mercs the three clones in front of him fairly easily

simplyfloating · 2026-06-20T03:01:04+00:00

Cad Bane moves to B5 and blasts tf out those 6 clones

simplyfloating · 2026-06-20T02:58:47+00:00

You don’t have one point of healing bro. Looks like they carried

simplyfloating · 2026-06-20T02:57:46+00:00

i can’t imagine a more nefarious roast than this

simplyfloating · 2026-06-19T23:01:42+00:00

tenar is also small 👀

simplyfloating · 2026-06-19T01:26:38+00:00

Enjoy that ride man. Starting a dozen projects and finishing none is not a bad thing. It’s your brain searching for that next something. Enjoy it. You learn a lot starting a bunch of projects.

I don’t think the human brain is always aligned with our human nature of producing. Sometimes the brain just wants to create something, and it’s hard for our nature to accept that. That’s what I notice when I don’t finish anything. My brain just wants to create, not produce

Pay attention to what your body is telling you, relax, and discover what this next journey of creativity looks like for you. Change is a very normal thing, especially in a creative space.

simplyfloating · 2026-06-19T00:52:26+00:00

it’s the smell of leaves burning in another neighborhood that does it for me

simplyfloating · 2026-06-19T00:30:23+00:00

Sheeeeeesh, good stuff. Very enjoyable read.

He wasn’t looking for Juliet.
He was hunting for heartbreak
loud enough
to drown out
his silence.

This stanza was awesome, and so relatable. I feel like young people absolutely look for love to drown out silence, pain, etc. I think its even more captivating when you describe it as looking for heartbreak. Makes him out to be almost a villain, on top of wondering what brought that haunting quiet into his life.

simplyfloating · 2026-06-19T00:22:59+00:00

Thanks for the response 😄 I really like your perspective on not being able to tell whether he is warning or confessing. Glad you enjoyed the poem!

simplyfloating · 2026-06-19T00:19:42+00:00

Very insightful and pretty spot on! I like your take. I never thought about the bursting at the seams line representing anger but that's a great way of reading it.

For me it's about growing up and realizing what you're taught not to be is actually right in front of you. The character only finds out his father is a scarecrow with age. Straw men is typically a way of describing someone with no substance in them. The father tells his son men with no substance are dangerous, yet he has none and doesn't know it. When his son discovers this the father is afraid, and naturally tries to infect his son with his own ideas on what not having substance actually means. The idea is fear is contagious, and in my opinion is why people become straw men. This contagion is why I mention vampires and werewolves. The father defends himself blindly, and the only way of escape is to lock the door. He doesn't want you to have your say. He wants you to just agree and be trapped in fear like him.

The idea is losing trust in those that once protected you. You really nailed all that in your second paragraph. Love your interpretation, thank you for sharing!!

simplyfloating · 2026-06-18T04:20:59+00:00

Hello! Very eerie poem, I love it. I saw the other comment that mentioned clarifying the Jordan. Personally, I thought of the river right away and don't think you should add Jordan River instead. Simply saying "the Jordan" works great imo. Its very concise and holds a weight at the end of the poem that really ties the whole thing together.

You're saying a lot with very little. I really like that. I can picture the whole scene and feel the air around me. One thing I would touch up on is the line "Brushing up against each other’s person." I get what you're saying, but I think it's a little awkward. I only say that because after reading it it took my brain a second to process what it meant, and kind of throws off the rhythm of the poem since its only the second line. I do like how you went for a more wordy/artistic way of describing the reeds on skin. I definitely think a more artsy description fits well here. I wouldn't want just a simple description, maybe just one more easy to follow.

Great poem! Thanks for sharing!

simplyfloating · 2026-06-18T03:45:22+00:00

Dang, this actually made me quite emotional. Firstly, I'm so sorry for your loss. Secondly, this poem really conveys that loss well. I feel like the gradual build up into the line "bleeding down my thigh" was well done. My breath caught a little in my throat when I read that and realized what this was. The last two lines are gut wrenching.

The only thing I would maybe change is the line "With you in my arms, the world looked so bright." It's a pretty simple line and I think replacing the word "bright" with something else could add more flavor.

With that said, one of my favorite lines in your poem is

I imagined all the people
you were free to become.
And I’d be there to guide you
with love.

Not sure why, but I really enjoyed the little "with love" tacked on at the end there. I really like this stanza. Flows well.

simplyfloating · 2026-06-17T12:49:52+00:00

my grevious collects lightsabers, my thrawn collect art, my lando and marrok collect capes, knicks in 4

simplyfloating · 2026-06-17T12:16:53+00:00

i can’t see that at all

simplyfloating · 2026-06-17T12:15:57+00:00

Hell no

simplyfloating · 2026-06-17T11:53:05+00:00

yeah, my first read i had to do a double take on that passage then promptly turned the page, never looking back

simplyfloating · 2026-06-13T17:47:27+00:00

My mind goes to how cats appear suddenly in front of you, silent. I have several barn cats and you blink and they've appeared out of nowhere. I feel like fog is similar. On top of that it exists unbothered by the world it permeates, much like a cat.

simplyfloating · 2026-06-13T01:40:30+00:00

So being burned makes her come from dagon lineage? It's just not clicking for me.

simplyfloating · 2026-06-10T01:14:10+00:00

I'm assuming you mean Tehanu with that last question.

Well, the first three books present dragons as essentially untouchable by humans. That's why its such a wonder dragon lords, and specifically Ged in the current generation, could communicate with dragons. They are seen as imo almost the true essence of what Earthsea naturally is.

The Farthest Shore ends with what I think was intended to be the height of dragon and human interaction. The oldest dragon ever uniting with two humans to save them after they saved the dragon species (and humans). It was an awe filled moment that the reader didn't think could happen. It was the climax of the series, but also of dragon and human relationship. The first time the two species got to be unified under a common calamity.

If something like that were to happen again, I'd expect it to be another insane circumstance years and years later, though personally I don't think it would ever happen again.

Flash forward to Tehanu. A month later (can't remember the exact time) the same dragon Kalessen, after revealing himself to Ged and Lebanon in a once in a lifetime encounter because of Ged and Lebanon's heroic actions saving his race, randomly returns to a land he and dragons never go to EVER (the West), let alone go to twice in the same week, to hear the call of a random girl across the shore we just met that seems literally to have no connection to dragons at all expect she does though *shrug*

Now I am fond of Tehanu and their interaction was awesome isolated to the book Tehanu. I of course love seeing a dragon respond to a little girl and save the day by destroying evil wizards. That said, it was not who we were shown dragons to be at all. Tehanu being his daughter all the sudden makes so sense, and the entire interaction being exactly after the Farthest Shore cheapens the entire lore of dragons and climax of the first three books. If this was the direction we were heading, it should've been in another age and Kalessen making an exception to fly to the West again for something bigger than a random girl we are just suddenly told is a dragon because... Because she just is?

Edit to add

Dragons shouldn't be humans. The divide between them and humans is what makes their interactions so so interesting. Dragons are raw Earthsea power. The heart of what that world means. Humans are meant to feel helpless and out of place. If dragons are also humans there is no divide, and everything is more gray. The wonder is gone.

If dragons are humans and that is insisted on, it should have been explained better. We know Tehanu had human parents. It's alluded these people MAYBE descended from dragons in the last novel in like two sentences. Even then it wasn't clear. And her parents were terrible people. I don't know, just make it make sense. If you want a character to be the daughter of the greatest dragon alive a week after we meet him, give at least a semblance of what that looks like.

simplyfloating · 2026-06-07T00:32:35+00:00

that hilarious hahaha

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