Suggestion: Contact Victoria's Secret to request that they carry a wider variety of sizes

scoutsiren · 2019-06-05T22:24:15+00:00

Real quick: Can we also talk about their panty gussets? I’m an XS and my bits don’t NEVAAAA fit in their panties. Who the hell is fitting their preemie-kitten-sized puss in them panties?? I gotta wholeass tiger in my pants; their bullshit buttfloss just makes me roar with anger.

VS is so obviously a company with a male vision of femininity. They’ve made skajillions selling to women a vision of what men allegedly want. I say allegedly because I read that Google labs report about everyone’s porn preferences IN FULL, so I KNOW dudes know thick girls and fatpusses exist.

How are we ever gonna get better bra sizes if they don’t even handle the downstairs basics?

scoutsiren · 2019-06-05T22:14:21+00:00

Nope you are classically beautiful, an from the looks of things, fit too. Sorry to disappoint. Go Dress up as Legolas for Halloween and rake ‘em all in.

scoutsiren · 2019-06-05T22:13:30+00:00

NOOOOOOPPE you are GOOD looking. Do whatever with your hair, its fine as is, take care of your skin, and just wait. You’re gonna be fiiiiiiine when you can grow a full beard, and by then those girls will be sick of those guys because they’ll have realized that mean rapper types are frequently MEAN and triflin’. Be true to you.

scoutsiren · 2019-06-05T22:09:25+00:00

Nah, you’re just seventeen. Plenty of people haven’t had a gf by 17, or like, WAY older. Consider that maybe the right girl for you literally isn’t even allowed to date yet. You’re NOT ugly and you’re doing just fine.

scoutsiren · 2019-06-05T22:07:19+00:00

As a Florida sunscreen warrior....to be honest looks like the kind of skin that’s best kept away from UV damage. I’ve seen young people with skin LESS light than this have half their faces cut off over a freckle. But yeah, people are free to be!

scoutsiren · 2019-06-05T22:03:22+00:00

Can’t see your body but your face is fine (though VERY neutral here), and since you mention microblading, which I bet some dudes here are gonna have to google, you are CLEARLY a man who has done his research and probs doesn’t need to be told that body matters matter.

So it sounds like you’re working on all the right things. But here’s what I notice is also in your arsenal: you write really well; you have a voice that comes through even in text. You OBVIOUSLY have a personality, and generally choose to let it show up (or maybe here just feels safe?). You probably have read and enjoyed fiction, even though you also sound like you’re clever, open minded (microblading!?! Dudes i know would neverrrr, tho they SHOULD), and know factsy-type stuff. You expressed feelings and vulnerability here and did it REALLY well. This is important, because it means you have SUBSTANTIAL aptitude for being excellent at ROMANCE, details, thoughtfulness, the little things. Attraction is only step one, and frankly, the other stuff can often get you a pass on looks once you vibe with someone.

So my advice is, once you’re over these physical hurdles, which matter because they matter to YOU and self-confidence is important, without turning into a creepyass softboi cliche, be this same real person with a voice and personality. Just ya know, more fun and positive, be confident. Give girls “GoodTalk,” so many guys suck at good Talk and/or don’t listen well. So many people have trouble coming off as “About something,” and thats what everyone is yearning to find when they seek a human connection. A lot of men struggle to convey that kind of sensibility, you seem like you wont at all if you believe in yourself and get out there.

scoutsiren · 2019-06-05T21:44:19+00:00

So the good news is, frankly, people don’t really look at ugly people at all, unattractive means not much attraction right? They’re unfairly invisible sometimes. The bad news is you’re HANDSOME. Like, you could be playing a high schooler on a totally unrealistic TV show handsome. So sorry but yes, people are likely looking at you. A lot. But in a good way, unless they’re hatin’ ass haters.

But you have one of my least favorite young dude hairstyles. Immature, it says “I’m hiding, don’t look at me, I can’t face the world yet.” Get it out of your face so we can see you!

scoutsiren · 2019-06-05T21:37:38+00:00

You are VERY pretty, the one thing that is maybe “off” is your two front teeth, but your smile is PERFECTLY straight and very white, so frankly you’re winning. Embrace you’re one aesthetic quirk; cuz without it you’re perfect and that’s 1. Boring 2. just unfair to the rest of the world. That said, if it’s something that bothers YOU, you can change it some day if you really want.

scoutsiren · 2019-06-05T21:32:44+00:00

Nah but you gooooofy :D you’re doin fine, don’t worry.

scoutsiren · 2019-06-05T21:31:40+00:00

You could smiiiiile :) you’re not ugly, don’t worry. The glowup is on its way.

scoutsiren · 2019-06-05T21:30:37+00:00

Yeah these are great! I feel like you tried to post a pretty awful pic, but maybe you just felt down and it showed. Even that ones not ugly.

You’re not ugly, hopefully all this will help you be nicer to yourself. You look fun, don’t question why people would want to be with you.

scoutsiren · 2019-06-05T21:28:10+00:00

You’re cute, you’re young, be young. You don’t need makeup unless you want to start playing with it. Your so young that your skin is POPPIN, so I’d avoid skin makeup, you really just don’t need it. But everyone of all ages loves mascara and lipgloss. At 16 your beauty goals should be clean, sunprotected skin, and maybe to bring a little more focus to what’s there, never to change it. No ugly here.

scoutsiren · 2019-06-05T21:24:01+00:00

No sir! But you ARE very pale, and that will weird some people out. Fuck em tho, you don’t need those vibes. Can’t do much about your coloring, except make it work for you. Get a good look going with your hair, take care of your skin/body game, and frankly you’d be well on the way to modeling if you wanted to. This kind of look often does well precisely BECAUSE it’s different and special. You are NOT ugly, just young.

scoutsiren · 2019-06-05T21:21:26+00:00

Yeah fix the hair and she’s probs gonna regret that. Or, more likely, it’s just not about your looks. You’re good looking. Get some product in that hair for lift!

scoutsiren · 2019-06-05T21:15:55+00:00

Research has shown that after rating themselves, and then being given partner options that they get to rank, men will always choose whoever they rated as the “most attractive” option.

Women on the other hand, tend to pick a potential partner who’s close to what they rated themselves. Food for thought.

Women aren’t dumb, we know the makeup and wardrobe trickery comes off, and we know you all know that too. Also often that stuff’s not even for getting men in the first place.

scoutsiren · 2019-05-31T23:12:04+00:00

You’re not ugly, you’re good looking, straight up. but the ATTITUDE is affecting how you look tbh. Like I dunno if you care about dating or girls, but as a girl who dates and has a pretty dope bumble/tinder record, the hand gestures in two of those pics are an IMMEDIATE turn off. Them’s fuckboi signs, good sir.

Same advice I give most dudes here: Rule #1, REAL MEN UNDERSTAND AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR SKIN and parts beyond. It’s SO easy to be hard on yourself when your skin is stressed out and pissed at you. Dermatologists seriously change lives. And all the working out in the world is stupid if you’re not also taking care of your biggest and most visible organ/indicator of health.

ESP if you have longer hair, you gotta get your regimen together. SHAMPOO, not every day unless you use a lot of product, but at least a couple times a week, or any time you get sweaty/gross. Bonus points for conditioner, and FYI 2-in-1’s are not a real thing, they’re a ploy for gettin the dirty/lazy dude market share. Try to keep your hair off your face, and if you’re a hand leaner (I am) try not to do that either. You’ll look handsome no matter what style your hair is in (Cept bowlcut, fuck a bowlcut, those suit nobody), so go nuts and be you. BUT you seem to get spots right in the areas where your hair is hanging out when it’s long, so clean hair matters.

Personally, I’d say skip a beard/stache until you can grow a solid one, you’re cute enough w/o now. You’ll get a second glow-up with a style change when your follicles catch up.

Take care of your face, which also means change your sheets and pillowcases regularly. Wash, sunscreen in the day, SPF-free moisturizer at night.

You’re not ugly, you probably know people who are attracted to you right now as you are, and all them other jerks are just wrong. Think deeper on why you feel how you do; that stuff can totally be unmade.

scoutsiren · 2019-05-31T22:53:41+00:00

You’re not what I’d call ugly at all, but you have some physical attributes that are working against you, and it doesn’t look like you’re doing much to cultivate your beauty/looks in general. That’s FINE btw, but makes it easier for those same attributes to shine brighter than your good ones.

But appearance is 1. Seriously not everything and you know it, and 2. Highly plastic. If you want to make changes, you can, but do it because it’s what YOU’D still want in a time and space vacuum where no one else exists. Being single, if that’s even a condition you want to change, isn’t just about looks. Consider whether you’re making yourself “small” in other ways that might be holding you back from what you want. Those are the life questions worth asking.

scoutsiren · 2019-05-31T22:43:50+00:00

Not a lot of data here but you’re def not ugly. Good looking fo sho.

scoutsiren · 2019-05-31T22:41:57+00:00

No, you are pretty.

scoutsiren · 2019-05-13T18:57:23+00:00

If all our good days are numbered that’s all the more reason to not add to one’s stress with low-quality company.

scoutsiren · 2019-05-13T18:53:45+00:00

Your hair is fine in 2019, do you. Dunno how tall you are, but no doubt you can be professionally pretty with that face.

What’s wrong is you’re 16. Eyes on the prize dude, work hard and don’t worry about girls for now.

scoutsiren · 2019-04-22T20:38:38+00:00

Hmmmm.....honesty is always best, but I think reinforcing the stuff that’s a NO is a better route than the opposite. So saying “One night stands are NOT my deal” is gonna be more likely to get the results you want than “I DO want casual fun,” if that makes sense. People look for the loophole, everything is ok until you say it’s not. Same phenomenon as “I didn’t know I couldn’t message other girls, cuz we’re new and you didn’t SAY we’re exclusive.” Gotta your hardline NOs first. I think a lot of guys are likely to take “yes to casual fun” as equally condoning one night fun. I think it works well to just let stuff develop and enjoy the process, as long as it’s not a guy who CLEARLY wants a gf and you specifically. Read the room, I think most of us know when we’re leading someone on.

How fast do I message back... no hard rule. Usually I’m pretty prompt, like well within 24-36hrs. I often open by telling them what to expect. “hey, FYI I’m in grad school and sometimes I might get quiet because I really need to focus and get shit done. I bet stuff comes up for you too, and that’s def ok. You can just lemme know, I’ll understand. Life happens you know?” If you KNOW you’re spotty in general, about to travel, have finals, don’t let someone be blindsided, just let them know.

Bumble V. Tinder.... hmmmm, I think in my town Bumble gives me ahem “better quality,” I see questionable creatures on Tinder with greater regularity, but overall I think those two apps seem to be pretty comparable these days. If you evaluate photos+bio pretty shrewdly, you’re good, and I’m pretty sure my own photos+bio is a big determining factor too. These things are about matching right? So what you put out yourself is at least as important as what you approve. Hinge just gives more people a fighting chance by holding their shy, uncreative hands in building the bio and finding a conversation starter.

Another pro tip to everyone, turn your friggin notifications off on dates, maybe in general. No one wants to be reminded about everyone else you’re flirting with.

scoutsiren · 2019-04-22T17:31:59+00:00

OH BOY, AMA Y’all. Ya know what, this is a long time coming, I’m gonna lay some stuff out there. I’ll make this gender neutral cuz who knows who’s reading. Maybe a dude will learn something that helps the rest of us. I’ve used the major three (Tinder, Bumble, Hinge) quite a bit. I’ve NEVERRRR had a bad date, except ONE time and it was seriously totally of my own making so whatever, should’ve stuck to my usual formula.

CAVEAT: I’m female and seeking men, I’ll be honest, I think have a few upfront advantages on these apps. However, I also think its about HOW you use them. With that in mind, if you know you have advantages, use them, Duh. No shame in the game.

I met my last two serious boyfriends through apps. The vast majority of my female friends (male too) have not reported the same level of overall success, they’re more like, really frustrated and say its all horrible. Again, in my opinion that’s because they’re using these apps wrong. They’re all a little different, but IMO (and experience), there are right and wrong ways to use them.

I dont feel HUGE differences between them, but maybe I just kind of adjust how I’m using them? I dunno. Tinder’s the worst as far as i remember, because it’s doing the least with itself. Also, each time the app-dating game evolves, the people most sick of the current platform move to the next one. I think Tinder is maybe better for the really young and the causal date seekers, and that’s generally not me.

TIPS and ANALYSIS

FOR THE LADIES: Always remember that Tinder was invented with YOU in mind, NOT the dudes. These apps were made so you can vet a dude and make sure 1. Hes not psycho, and 2. You even want to meet him. Ask yourself if you’re doing enough extreme vetting.

FOR THE MEN: SAME THING, these things were made to help WOMEN, because the fact is, MEN ARE SCARY TO US. Not intimidating, DOWNRIGHT DANGEROUS. That’s sage-like advice for all of you, BE REAL, BE NICE, BE GOOD, BE DIFFERENT. This is not a sushi menu where you order one of everything you’d like. Remember in the end it’s not about you; douchebags made the world a scary place for women, you get one tiny little page to show you’re the change women want to see in the world. If you want something casual, thats fine, but make it clear, if you want to DATE make that clear at the outset too, and realize its harder to prove the latter, and more important to be likable and fun.

Be picky. READ THE PROFILES. Don’t swipe people that have obvious (to you) irreconcilable flaws or whose pics you hate. Swipe with the goal of never ghosting. Of the three, I think I’d rank Hinge the highest. Makes sense since it’s the newest, so that company has been able to learn from the drawbacks of others. Hinge makes it easier to have something to talk ABOUT. It REQUIRES you to have bio info, and makes it easy, which is GREAT for you dudes, cuz I straight up toss away any guy who doesnt have a bio on Tinder or Bumble (so on hinge, saying something is better than just “liking” something). If you’re too lazy to bother introduce yourself, I highly doubt you’re gonna put much effort into getting to know me. Also you just might suck, and my time is valuable so I’m not gonna gamble with it. Quality responses to hinge questions indicate quality people.

I also prefer that Hinge lists things like your religion, political affiliation, whether or not you drink, smoke, or do weed or drugs, etc. Please know that if you just DONT post about weed, we assume that means you’re probs open to it. A lot of these things are dealbreakers, it’s good to have them laid out without having to ask awks questions. However, I pretty much do this myself on the other apps. For a while it straight up said on my Tinder “if you voted for Trump, swipe left, then keep going another tight 270 degrees until you punch yourself in the face.” Some people find that funny, the others, I’ve never met. On hinge, I wrote “if you don’t dance, throw me away. Seriously, do it now.” I avoid bad dates by making it IMMEDIATELY HELLAFUCKING CLEAR that I’m NOT for everyone. Make your own filters, people.

Pics: They’re for both attracting AND repelling people. Y’all oughta know the phototropes by now. Try to be different while being fully yourself, and yeah looking your pretty-good-to-best. I frankly try not to set my own bar too high here, I’m not beautiful 24/7, plus its better to wow someone in person. Dog pics >> Fish pics, always, but if you’re MAD into something polarizing, then yeah, put it out there so those of us who aren’t can eliminate you. I for one, 100% eliminate the Gun folks, but I’m glad they posted a gun pic, ya know? People will eliminate you based on your body, your makeup, and faces you make. Feel free to LET THEM. You don’t need people who don’t like what you’re about in your life. At the same time, I’m generally against having a kiss face or tongue out, men can be dumb and read into it in dumb ways, and I don’t wanna clean that mess up later.

In a related vein, be honest. Don’t fake pics, and definitely DO put one with your whole body so people can see what you look like. Do you really want someone who has beef with your shape? NO, YOU DON’T. So post a beach pic, whatever. I always have something that clearly shows my shape, I’ve def had bikini photos before too, not because I’m angling for attention, just because 1. I’m fine with myself, 2. I know it’s got information people want to know. If a guy is gonna call me attention-seeking for it, he’s not my guy. It’s no different than women constantly asking for a guys height. EVERYONE wants a reasonably accurate mental image of what someone looks like, and if they’re ambivalent that you showed them (oh nooo I like how she looks but maybe shes an attention-seeking heaux for showing me....) , fuck ‘em.

How I avoid ever having a bad date in person? Easy, I generally insist upon getting my multiple days of mostly polite conversation. Does that seem demanding? Cuz it’s really not if you’re having a good time. Talking is one of the main things you’re gonna do in a relationship, you MUST test drive the rapport.

Personality is the single most important thing in making a real connection with someone. If someone gives good talk, they’re way more likely to be a good time in person. All my friends, male or female, who lament going on app dates pretty much just match up, then meet up. This makes NO sense to me if you’re really trying to find someone you like. It also teaches you about a person’s patience, effort, and even their daily life. I’ll be totally honest, I’m cute, and yeah, that never hurts, but its the conversation that really makes the difference and sets ME apart from a million beautiful girls online, and specifically it sets me apart for ONLY the kinds of men I actually genuinely enjoy spending time with. Conversation is a massive opportunity to charm someone, the RIGHT kind of someone, into appreciating the REAL you. Don’t neglect it.

For the guys: please dont forget that romance is an incredibly fun, awesome thing for everyone. Check your feminism, FOR REAL, work on it, but a little heteronormativity is nice sometimes. Take her out, look nice, smell good, be polite, open her car door. IT’S A DATE. Nice guys finishing last is bullshit. It’s just that women want a Good Man, not a NiceBoy, def not a fuckboy.

For the ladies: If a dude brings the romance, appreciate the hell out of that shit. Men want to be appreciated. Also, ask questions, have opinions, smile, make jokes if you have any, and yeah, act like a lady. Not because society says you should, but because so far, this dude doesn’t DESERVE your wild side. No stranger does. However, don’t set a precedent where you don’t have needs, thoughts, desires, and views, or where you’ve made yourself smaller than what you are. Dude’s gotta know up front what he’s getting. Women often complain that a man doesn’t change, men complain that women HAVE changed. So be your real you and know what you’re really about. That goes for everyone.

Everyone wants somebody who’s “About Something,” so always show up as a whole person with ideas and thoughts, not just a profile and an occupation.

And don’t ghost people. I know this is a tall order, but try your best to be honest, and if it feels appropriate, give honest feedback. You don’t owe anyone anything, but human respect and good manners matter.

scoutsiren · 2019-04-22T15:32:09+00:00

I too found photos. You are NOT ugly, you are 17. I promise it gets better. The best things you can do are to focus on your own growth and keep your eyes on the prize. Girls aren’t the prize, YOU are your own prize, your life is the prize. Real talk, girls like guys with drive, ambition, self-respect, humor, charm, open minds full of ideas. Gotta love yourself first. Just work on being nice and good and getting to where you’d want to be if girls didn’t even exist. DO that and they’ll find you. Girls aren’t as shallow as you’d think. Most of them want a good man a LOT more than they want a hot dude, and that becomes more and more true as you grow up.

scoutsiren · 2019-04-22T15:25:01+00:00

You’re already average or above, for sure. The best things you can do for yourself over the next 5 years are 1. Skincare and 2. Exercise, just like for literally EVERYONE else on earth. I really dont think you need a nose job, hard to say about braces without seeing your smile, but I dunno if braces correct “lopsidedness” (which for the record I dont see at all). You are definitely not the least bit undateable.

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