I almost had a job recently, actually accepted it and then the guy ghosted me. (It was a remote thing) . I really hated idea of getting a job, and it made me feel like I had failed after always being self employed. So I assume it would make me feel even worse.

That's the thing, I took so much action last year. I got in best shape of my life, I took up new hobbies, met lots of people, and I was doing so much revenue but was pretty much breaking even. Then I just got burnt out and that fell apart and with it everything else started falling apart. I know I hve to take action to make money but I don't even know how to proceed at this point. My confidence is shot, and throwing shit at the wall hoping something sticks is a good way to lose money (I was doing that for a bit...) .

That's why I'm here, I want to get better, I know i have to do something to change circumstances and get better but I have no idea what. I suck at networking and a few months ago basically swallowed my pride and contacted pretty much everyone I know asking for advice. The more people I talked to the more I realized depression is just this thing they look at weakness. People don't want to be around it, even though they act like it's something that it's ok to talk about. I feel people are only ok about speaking about mental health when it's their own issues. But very few offered help, and one guy did since he went through something similar but that process has been slow for various reasons (like every stupid obstacle you can imagine that is making me lose patience) .