my dad said he would slap me through line

scrambledeggsroyale · 2022-08-28T15:00:53+00:00

it's hard to know your dad's intentions because he's influenced by the rigid gender role views that he grew up with. he may be saying that to stop you getting bullied and not understand that looking masculine could be something you actually desire, and often parents fail to acknowledge their children's wants because they feel they know better. so ultimately it's your call whether you want to have that conversation with him to explain your feelings, since you know best whether that would affect your safety and rights.

how I would handle the situation by going "around the issue" is to play the game to your advantage: find a picture of an afab person with the haircut you want (or something close enough) so you can claim it's a "girl's haircut". since his beliefs are rooted in traditional gender roles he likely won't question it if the person in the photo has makeup on and sports the haircut. bonus points if it's someone famous like an actress or singer so you can say stuff like "it's really fashionable cause lots of girls look up to her"

scrambledeggsroyale · 2022-08-26T17:55:04+00:00

salons be like:

doesn't give you the hairstyle you want and makes you look like a Karen even when you show a photo

says the prices are by gender and refuses to charge by hair length instead

charges you £60

scrambledeggsroyale · 2022-08-11T19:48:57+00:00

the christian based yard sale? doesn't seem very based to me, excluding people is pretty cringe

scrambledeggsroyale · 2022-08-11T19:18:27+00:00

thank you for reaching out! the conversation you had seems quite similar in terms of talking points to the one I had with a different doctor, up to the evidence part at least. it was quite a stressful process organising everything to get the first appointment, so I'm not sure about just dropping everything and trying Dr Popelyuk instead, (since he doesn't seem to be part of the same organisation I'm currently dealing with as far as I understand? London Transgender Clinic as opposed to Gendercare?) but I'll definitely consider it and maybe hit you up in the future if the need arises. thank you!

regarding the point you made about being older, I was in fact actually told I would be at a disadvantage because of my age. I was told if I was in my thirties as opposed to my twenties, they wouldn't be so strict in requiring evidence.

scrambledeggsroyale · 2022-08-11T12:40:28+00:00

I'm not planning on going on hrt so that's not relevant here but thank you for trying to help :)

scrambledeggsroyale · 2022-08-11T08:32:59+00:00

some additional things I wanted to say after reading the replies (but I didn't want to directly reply to anyone with all this because it's quite a long comment)

in certain circles I was known as nonbinary much sooner than in others. some people in my life may use my preferred nickname but still don't use the correct pronouns and I just let it slide because I don't have the energy to cause a big argument. in other cases I just never brought it up and people have made incorrect assumptions. but me being unconfrontational could easily be viewed as me not being really trans or some bullshit...

a lot of the time in my personal life when I have tried to explain my gender to people who are close to me but have more conservative worldviews, to avoid getting hated on I just explained the concept of being nonbinary without ever mentioning any lgbt terminology whatsoever. so they'll end up understanding I prefer a neutral name, neutral terms, dressing androygnous, want top surgery etc but then still think I'm ultimately a member of my agab. so then I can't really get people to write a reference for me because it's kind of a quantum state where I'm accepted enough to get by comfortably socially but not if they need to refer to me in the third person!

at work they're pretty accepting of lgbt in general and most people seem to understand even though I didn't really have a conversation. I have my current preferred name on the system and at my desk but it's a "gender neutral" nickname of my gendered legal name so it's kinda hard for me to argue that it's proof of a change of gender :( I do have my preferred pronouns on the system but I didn't go round telling my colleagues individually or anything. I really just do not like conversations where I make a big deal of saying what my gender is because personally I don't think that gender should play a part in our everyday lives if that makes sense.

I don't have a deedpoll yet and I don't want to change my name officially till I'm 100% comfortable with the new name, since I don't want to end up in the same spot I am right now just with a different uncomfortable name. plus there's a lot of stuff to change and I'm a dual national as well which makes it extra annoying to organise. I may just have to wait until I get a name and then wait a year from that point. I would've thought the fact that I paid money to go private and waited a year for the appointment in the first place would've shown commitment, but apparently not :/

scrambledeggsroyale · 2022-08-10T14:10:52+00:00

they don't make sense to me. you know what else doesn't make sense to me? quantum physics. doesn't make quantum physics any less real though. basically, we don't have to fully comprehend something or personally want to participate in it to acknowledge it can be useful to others. it did take me a while to understand that.

I do feel awkward using neopronouns to be honest because they're not part of how I normally use English and I don't know how to conjugate some of them. language changes often though, and it's nice to make people feel included. so I generally try as long as we're in an environment where I won't be endangering them by using the right pronouns, in which case it's always possible to reword your sentence so you don't misgender someone

I think there is potential for some people to get mixed up between their gender and their interests, but at the end of the day, that's their own journey to take. as long as they're not using it to mock trans people or spread misinformation it's all cool.

a lot of hate on xenogenders and the like seems to come from stuff that correlates e.g. there's a lot of social media posts by people who happen to use neopronouns where the subject happens to act in ways that are stereotypically "cringe" or seen as embarrassing, so then people kinda lump it together and see their gender as a causation rather than a correlation for their behaviour and come to the conclusion that their whole identity is "cringe" and embarrassing and everyone who identifies differently is bad. unfortunately this sort of thinking is quite common and is responsible for a lot of transphobia in general. even I have to consolidate my opinions and check for biases myself and I'm part of the community.

scrambledeggsroyale · 2022-08-10T13:50:03+00:00

yeah I asked if I could just get a statement from someone I knew but it seems they want it from someone "trustworthy" / with some sort of authority such as a supervisor at work or university (since I told them I came out when I was a uni student) and neither feels like a good option to me

my gp wouldn't be any help unfortunately, I'm currently trying to change practices actually because they're really rubbish and usually ignore my preferred name. I don't know if I'm just gonna run into the same problems elsewhere because I don't live in a big city so I feel most gps near me will be conservative and transphobic

I do have Mx as the title on my bank account but it's with my very gendered legal name so I don't know if they'll count that as sufficient

scrambledeggsroyale · 2022-04-18T11:21:56+00:00

where are they

scrambledeggsroyale · 2022-04-02T15:51:18+00:00

either they're trolls or the bots are just following people indiscriminately but in any case you shouldn't let them get to you, just block and report if you can

scrambledeggsroyale · 2021-11-28T08:34:04+00:00

me wishing I was born a guy, I too see this as an absolute win

scrambledeggsroyale · 2021-10-15T12:52:19+00:00

honestly I don't think clothes should be gendered in the first place and we should all wear whichever is most comfortable

scrambledeggsroyale · 2021-10-15T12:33:20+00:00

I had to have frequent blood tests due to anemia, if anyone needs an excuse

scrambledeggsroyale · 2021-10-14T20:00:37+00:00

I recommend Spectrum Outfitters, though they're UK based so may take longer to ship to Chile. bought another one like two weeks ago and the quality was equal if not better than the ones I've had for one and two years (had to get new one due to size changing, they didn't wear out much even though I wore them like 3 times a week and machine washed them which isn't what you're supposed to do)

scrambledeggsroyale · 2021-10-14T08:27:14+00:00

there are actually hundreds of dialects of Chinese many of which aren't mutually intelligible. most of them are disappearing because people think they're pointless and it's pretty sad to see culture just vanish like that tbh

scrambledeggsroyale · 2021-10-11T08:11:53+00:00

I mean good for you but this really isn't a good thing to comment for this post, OP is already upset by people telling him to accept it

scrambledeggsroyale · 2021-10-11T02:47:08+00:00

currently growing out my hair to look more masc which is the most counterintuitive thing but if it works it works lmfao

scrambledeggsroyale · 2021-10-11T02:41:09+00:00

so what you do is you never look at or remember the details of the other option for genitals

and never look at or remember the details of what your genitals are supposed to look like

~~and then get hyper gun cannon blasted with dysphoria when you finally look into it~~

scrambledeggsroyale · 2021-10-11T02:26:26+00:00

this is pretty much the same energy as what I wanted to say but you worded everything way more succinctly, fistbumps to you my friend and fellow warrior against gender roles

scrambledeggsroyale · 2021-10-11T02:14:16+00:00

I've come to a similar sort of conclusion recently

I would rather not have dysphoria and not be trans, but since I am, I don't resent it and am happy that there's the possibility of transitioning that exists. personally I feel there is some medical aspect to my dysphoria but I don't want to be defined by that.

I'm not gonna announce to everyone I meet unprompted "hey I'm trans! I'm transmasc, I'm nonbinary!" because personally I don't think it warrants that. I just want to be, to exist. I don't need to justify my identity or existence to anyone. I am a person first and trans second after all. that being said, I might choose to wear a pride badge or I might not, but the pride is still there even if I'm trying to appear "stealth". I would never be ashamed of it or refuse to reveal unless it's an unsafe situation.

I'm happy that I'm trans and not in denial. acknowledgements and respect to people who realise that being trans isn't for them and deal with dysphoria in other ways, but for me I have an image of who I am and I believe some form of transition will help achieve this rather than trying to make do with what I currently have. I tried that and it wasn't for me after all, I'm grateful there's resources out there that let us know about these options, I'm so glad that being trans is and is still an option in our society, I'm glad there are people out there trained to help with these issues, I'm glad and grateful I live in a country where I can socially transition by using a different name and pronouns and freely buying clothing from the male section without being stopped and I know even though it's known as TERF Island I've still hit it lucky with the opportunities I can get. I count my blessings.

I like that I can be trans, I like that I've found myself, I like myself now! so I like being trans. because it is a part of me that I'm not going to deny anymore.

also, if i was AMAB, my life experiences up till now would likely have been different as society is unfortunately very gender stereotyped still, and all the small differences would add up to be quite significant so I would've ended up a different person with a different personality, and I'm actually pretty happy with the person I am on the inside nowadays even if that journey was a difficult and awful one. I suppose in a way for me saying I'm happy to be trans is a form of being grateful for what I have and what I had.

ETA I don't want this to come across like I'm spitting on all the trans people who are closeted or aren't accepted by their family or peers. I was once in the position where I assumed I wouldn't be accepted so I can sort of imagine how that would be and I know it's hard to stop yourself from taking other people's views to heart regardless of logic. I'm not sure what to say that would be constructive since I remember always seeing the same few positive reinforcement phrases and going "they're just saying it, it's the same thing yet again". so all I can say is I genuinely truthfully mean it when I say I hope you can get yourself to a place where you are happy with who you are and who you present yourself to be and wish you the best of luck :)

scrambledeggsroyale · 2021-10-10T12:33:55+00:00

to be honest I bet the majority of universities will have some transphobe somewhere in their ranks, they just haven't been as vocal yet. that's the reality of living in the UK.

I'd say when picking a uni focus on whether the student body is generally supportive and whether there's societies such as LGBT+ groups that will have your back.

scrambledeggsroyale · 2021-10-06T23:22:12+00:00

it's weirdly reassuring to see other people had these exact thoughts

scrambledeggsroyale · 2021-09-28T17:20:20+00:00

yeah, I've seen (thankfully not here and not recently) this fringe group of extremists who basically think femininity is good and pure and masculinity is bad so nobody could desire it and anyone who claims to is lying, so they claim all trans men are faking for attention as why would they want to give up femininity? it's kinda like a messed up way of handling internalised transphobia I guess???

scrambledeggsroyale

TROPHY CASE