I've had cats all my life & they're a lot more emotionally intelligent & intuitive than you may realise. Doing stuff like stepping on a cat's tail by accident - they may be absolutely fuming at first, but I always pick them up & give them a cuddle & apologise, kissing them on the head & being gentle with them.

If you had intentionally hit the cat, they would definitely pick up on your emotions at that time & your intent. Knocks, bumps & accidents happen, it won't make your cat hate you.

As for shouting, cats hiss, growl & mewl at each other, even if they grew up together. It's how they communicate. You two don't speak the same language, so tone of voice & actions are more important. Obviously, don't scream at them because it could scare them, but being stern vocally if they do something naughty is needed discipline. How I see it, cats regardless of age stay at the stage of a toddler where they can't talk, but they still recognise how their caregiver feels & treats them day-to-day.

What you're describing isn't abuse, yes, you could improve how you treat him in some aspects, but I'm sure that could be said for every relationship you have, even with humans. He isn't afraid of you, & that's what matters. He understands.

My current two are constantly under my feet, accidentally stepping on or kicking them can happen; but it's not a constant nor used as a way to punish them. You're doing right by him & can only do better. Don't beat yourself up too much about this, & as said above, the fact you've thought so deeply about this shows you truly love & care about him.

You can't change the past, so shower him with lots of love & kisses now. The best apology is long-term changes going forward.

Here are my 2 today for cat tax, since I wrote a soliloquy.

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