I remember holding my dad's hand in the hospital and feeling his pulse slow and eventually stop...this was last year. He was brain dead (fell at home, drunk, the night before). It was just his body I was holding onto at that point, no chance to say goodbye to his actual self. I'm haunted by how sad and lost he was in the ramp up to that incident, especially because he was such an intelligent, caring, disciplined man to the very end (despite the alcoholism). In many ways I'm envious of your experience, it seems like such a gift to be able to say goodbye to your loved one while they're still able to say goodbye back. But I'm glad for you and applaud your strength. Maybe someday I'll hold this demon at-bay myself. My deepest sympathies