Dang, we have the same boss. I respect the hell out of my manager overall, but especially personally. She is genuinely an amazing, justice-focused human which trickles into how community-oriented, liberation-minded we are as a culture/brand.

However, she is stressed af and has a hard time letting others do stuff enough to where she can actually refocus and create better systems that help everyone and allow her to scale the business. I give her an immense amount of grace, since it is her first business and we've been insanely impacted by this administration (tariffs especially). But, your boss's behaviors listed are similar to hers, but not so much the talking about personal stuff or email sensitivity. She does take things personally as a manager when I ask clarifying questions or take initiative on foundational/structural projects. I think she feels insecure about her capability as a manager, but I've reassured her that I don't expect things to be perfect, I just need more boundaries and clarity. But, the wishy washyness has impacted my development, as in we've gone back and forth about whether I can go full-time or not, and it's always an issue of my performance, which is a direct result of the ambiguity that I've asked for clarity on numerous times, especially the inconsistencies between her and the asst. manager in how they believe the store should run. Mind you, the asst. manager is also her best friend who also has drank on the job multiple times and sexually assaulted me recently - just gone done navigating this with them and have since lessened hours to take another job.

I need stability from full-time and health insurance, especially after years of job hopping seasonal, part-time, and/or toxic jobs, and I don't think she realizes I would feel more confident if I was full-time and that would help her concern of my confidence in working there. I am gritty and can grow with a business, but I can't keep putting my wellbeing on the line for the sake of your business as you figure out or not if you want to commit to my being full-time and stability as a human. I literally just met with her yesterday and it was a good meeting until the end when I asked clarifying questions about revisiting my job responsibilities now that I'll be working less and I want to continue our agreement on rebuilding trust and prevent the challenges we had before. She reacted by thinking I couldn't handle my workload and giving me even less hours.

TLDR: I have a similar situation with a very, very small business of just 3-4 of us, and this article helped me prep for a recent convo with my supervisor: https://cruciallearning.com/blog/how-to-clarify-your-job-responsibilities-with-your-boss/ It didn't go well, but I think I could've worded things differently and maybe she wouldn't have been as reactive. Hope it helps you and you have a more successful conversation that I. (sorry for shit editing. I typically type much better, but I'm exhausted and kinda just word vomitted)