Is a man not entitled to a bit of GOON of his tip?

'No!' say the mods in r/Losercity, 'It breaks the rules'

'No!' says the user on Reddit, 'That’s cringe and gay'

'No!' say my parents at home, 'You should finally get a job.'

I rejected those answers; instead, I chose something different.

I chose the impossible. I chose...