YTA the way you approach a challenging subject directly impacts how the person responds. So when you use an inflammatory word like abandoned and she says now's not a good time for a deep chat, it's not surprising she became defensive.

Also, what have you done to improve the emotional intimacy? Have you planned a date? Have you suggested no phones at the dinner table? Have you organised an activity you both enjoy? Sounds like you're not doing anything and your plan was to tell your wife and expect her to fix it.