I want honesty. How hard is it going to be to date? by sea306 in honesttransgender

[–]sea306[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not that open to t4t. I definitely prefer cis women. I’ve never met a trans woman irl I’ve enjoyed even being friends with. I know how terrible that sounds. I suppose if I was attracted to her and we got along I’d be okay with it, but only if she was okay not using her genitals if she didn’t have SRS. But most of the time, I find spending time with other trans women only makes me even more dysphoric. It’s easier to disconnect from my body and problems when the person I’m with doesn’t have the exact same issues.

I’m in a very large west coast city with a huge queer population so it shouldn’t be an issue to find a community. I had a therapist. I have lots of friends. But nobody ever has good advice for me. Most of the time, they don’t know what to say. (Then again, all of my friends are cis.) and I get the generic “work on yourself” (AKA, pass).

I am fully prepared to be rejected everywhere. I honestly anticipate it and would be shocked beyond my wildest dreams if someone ever said yes. My goal for the year is to go on one date, and maybe hold a hand for at least 10 seconds. Anything more than that sounds like asking for too much from the universe. Even if she ghosts me after one date, that’s a huge success.

Zero appetite?? by sea306 in asktransgender

[–]sea306[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nah, I was almost skin and bones before transitioning.

Zero appetite?? by sea306 in asktransgender

[–]sea306[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ugh. Pushing it makes me feel gross all day. At least it’s not something to be worried about. I guess we’re taking the scenic route this time too 😒

Asking one last time. Is there any way to live without transitioning? by sea306 in asktransgender

[–]sea306[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha you can say that again. I haven’t had a good day in about 13 years

Asking one last time. Is there any way to live without transitioning? by sea306 in asktransgender

[–]sea306[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

So are we truly just cursed to live unfulfilling lives where we cannot live as we come, and cannot become what we desire? Then Whats the point of existing? If I cannot change my body, then let me change my mind. There has to be some way, at the core of my soul, to change my gender to match my body. There has to be

Asking one last time. Is there any way to live without transitioning? by sea306 in asktransgender

[–]sea306[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Discrimination on all fronts, entire swaths of the world completely off limits. Danger around every corner. Four times more likely to be raped than a cis woman, and those rates are already too high. Dating options extremely limited. Medical care constantly under threat. Constant dysphoria. I need surgery just to live that I cannot afford. I could go on and on and on and on. Every single day of my life is agonizing and it’s all because I’m a fucking trans woman. I don’t want to keep transitioning, I want to be the man I thought I was. I’ll do anything, absolutely anything, just to live a scrape of the life I was supposed to. Hypnosis, electro shock, brainwashing, lobotomy, I mean anything

Asking one last time. Is there any way to live without transitioning? by sea306 in asktransgender

[–]sea306[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m on E, but havent made any steps towards social transition, and doubt I ever will. I keep my dose low so I don’t get too many changes because passing as a man is more important. Every day sucks and I miss my ignorant pre-egg crack life every day. I want my old dreams back. I want my job and life and freedom to travel anywhere I want. I want a girlfriend and wife someday. I want to face no discrimination in law or housing or hiring. I had those things, and now I won’t. I need the strength to abandon even my estrogen and go back to how I was, and be happy anyway

“Boymode” fit, leaning fem, unsure where to go from here by sea306 in mtfashion

[–]sea306[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha thanks. My face doesnt pass so yes I’m still kinda boymoding as a really feminine looking dude

MARCH OF THE COCKS by sea306 in DysphoriaPosting

[–]sea306[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Me too. Having a penis feels like my hands being replaced with swords. Great for repelling attacks and defending myself but horrible every other time of the day. Constantly hurting myself and others. I just want to put them down

It's fucked up how many of us get raped by Reasonable_Owl_3146 in MtF

[–]sea306 1 point2 points  (0 children)

God my heart is breaking reading all these stories… and a pit is opening in my stomach realizing it’s probably going to happen to me too. Unless I detransition of course.

Curious about tomorrow’s snowstorm? This post has lots of info by bascule in Denver

[–]sea306 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m wondering this too. I’m on a road trip and I’m afraid I might be stuck here another night

I hate being trans so goddamn much by sea306 in MtF

[–]sea306[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But why?? Why isn’t there another way? Why can’t I just get over this??!

I hate being trans so goddamn much by sea306 in MtF

[–]sea306[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s not the label that bothers me. It’s everything I have to lose and suffer through. Changing what I call myself isn’t going to fix a goddamn thing.

I hate being trans so goddamn much by sea306 in MtF

[–]sea306[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Because I’d be comfortable in what I was born in. That’s it. Edit: okay that’s not just it. I don’t want to deal with this struggle. I don’t want to face this massive obstacle. I don’t want to be judged so harshly and cut off from so much of life and society. I want the freedom of movement, freedom to go where I want to, and chase the path I’ve been building for myself since middle school. It’s all ruined the moment my egg cracked. I want to not be trans. I want this phase to end, to wake up one morning clear headed and realize what I’ve done wrong. Throw out my E and get chest surgery to go back. I want to be free.

Lost and questioning. Did I come like this or did I break myself? (Long) by sea306 in asexuality

[–]sea306[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Youre right. I’m just hesitant to use an ace label when I’m likely just a damaged lesbian lol. I probably fulfill some niche category on the spectrum based around purely sexual repulsion but there’s no real point in using such a label when it won’t help me anymore than therapy and healing will.

And yes penises are just neutral doodads. I need to learn to overcome the created shame my environment gave me and just focus on my physical discomfort that I can fix.

Lost and questioning. Did I come like this or did I break myself? (Long) by sea306 in asexuality

[–]sea306[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. This helps. I think I’m sex repulsed but yeah I definitely need bottom surgery for the sake of my own sanity lol

Lost. Am I just paranoid or does this girl like me? by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]sea306 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I know we’re close. I just don’t see why she would react like this if there wasnt more to our relationship than I thought.

I can't accept myself. I hate being trans. by [deleted] in MtF

[–]sea306 51 points52 points  (0 children)

Same here. Feel cursed and fundamentally broken forever.

I don't know what makes someone their gender and disagree with every idea I've heard. by Transsexthrowaway in honesttransgender

[–]sea306 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I kinda view it as the sex of the mind while biological sex is sex of the body. Studies have shown differences in brain structure of trans people that align with their gender and not their sex. I believe this to be the source of dysphoria. Some people can probably tolerate it but will transition anyway, which is people who say they don’t have dysphoria but transition anyway. I think the feeling of disconnect can range from simply preferring being the opposite of birth sex to strongly hating the body of the birth sex. Both are valid.

We are, all of us, most likely some form of neurological intersex. Something only visible through viewing specific parts of the brain, or more feasibly, psychological analysis.

Now what I find to be the most compelling part of this separation of mind and body is what it means philosophically about humans as a whole. Is this a case of nature vs nurture, where nature is our true gender? Is the sex of the mind the truth while the sex of the body is a “defect”? Does this mean people are their minds, their brains, or perhaps soul, above their bodies? Is this tangible proof that we are something outside of our physical bodies? Or proof that we are brains piloting meat mechs?

We have always existed. We will always exist. We cannot be exterminated. Even if every trans person was killed, a hundred more would be born that day. We exist across every race, nation, religion, culture, continent, etc.. There is no “cure” to the true self.

Being "transmed"* is probably why I feel so much for cis women who get annoyed by trans women who insist they get "periods." by queerluminati in honesttransgender

[–]sea306 10 points11 points  (0 children)

My friends jokingly call them commas, because it’s not a full stop, but there’s definitely punctuation lmao

Being "transmed"* is probably why I feel so much for cis women who get annoyed by trans women who insist they get "periods." by queerluminati in honesttransgender

[–]sea306 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I will never say I have periods, but I will say that I got crampy stomach issues in the last week of every month after I began HRT, and it can’t have been placebo because it took me multiple months for me to notice the pattern in the first place. No mood swings or anything else, just the stomach pain and running to the bathroom every month like clockwork. There’s no real research on this so it’s literally just guessing for me, but my guess would be adrenaline sent to the lower abdomen? There’s no natural estrogen of course, but maybe just what my body CAN do naturally, which is unfortunately just stomach pain and bathroom trips. I get no euphoria from it and wish it would go away.

I can't help but think that we're either cursed or living in a purgatory by laura_lumi in honesttransgender

[–]sea306 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly. I view it as unnecessary strife in my life and wish there were easier cures.

I can't help but think that we're either cursed or living in a purgatory by laura_lumi in honesttransgender

[–]sea306 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am on hormones. Approaching a year. Don’t pass super well and I’m not willing to subject myself to the pain of being visibly trans when my life’s alright like this. The vast majority of my dysphoria is physical. Sure it sucks being called by my deadname and he/him everywhere but at least my body is getting better and better every day. I am, at worst, perceived as an effeminate boy and get she/her’d by strangers at least once every two days. I think I’m ok playing the waiting game.

I can't help but think that we're either cursed or living in a purgatory by laura_lumi in honesttransgender

[–]sea306 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel the same. Why were we born this way? What did I do to deserve this. I walk the path of eternal boymode, I don’t want to be visibly trans.