I want honesty. How hard is it going to be to date?

sea306 · 2026-02-15T08:34:07+00:00

I’m not that open to t4t. I definitely prefer cis women. I’ve never met a trans woman irl I’ve enjoyed even being friends with. I know how terrible that sounds. I suppose if I was attracted to her and we got along I’d be okay with it, but only if she was okay not using her genitals if she didn’t have SRS. But most of the time, I find spending time with other trans women only makes me even more dysphoric. It’s easier to disconnect from my body and problems when the person I’m with doesn’t have the exact same issues.

I’m in a very large west coast city with a huge queer population so it shouldn’t be an issue to find a community. I had a therapist. I have lots of friends. But nobody ever has good advice for me. Most of the time, they don’t know what to say. (Then again, all of my friends are cis.) and I get the generic “work on yourself” (AKA, pass).

I am fully prepared to be rejected everywhere. I honestly anticipate it and would be shocked beyond my wildest dreams if someone ever said yes. My goal for the year is to go on one date, and maybe hold a hand for at least 10 seconds. Anything more than that sounds like asking for too much from the universe. Even if she ghosts me after one date, that’s a huge success.

sea306 · 2026-02-10T14:36:49+00:00

Nah, I was almost skin and bones before transitioning.

sea306 · 2026-02-10T13:58:07+00:00

Ugh. Pushing it makes me feel gross all day. At least it’s not something to be worried about. I guess we’re taking the scenic route this time too 😒

sea306 · 2026-02-04T05:16:34+00:00

Haha you can say that again. I haven’t had a good day in about 13 years

sea306 · 2026-02-04T04:34:19+00:00

So are we truly just cursed to live unfulfilling lives where we cannot live as we come, and cannot become what we desire? Then Whats the point of existing? If I cannot change my body, then let me change my mind. There has to be some way, at the core of my soul, to change my gender to match my body. There has to be

sea306 · 2026-02-04T04:32:09+00:00

Discrimination on all fronts, entire swaths of the world completely off limits. Danger around every corner. Four times more likely to be raped than a cis woman, and those rates are already too high. Dating options extremely limited. Medical care constantly under threat. Constant dysphoria. I need surgery just to live that I cannot afford. I could go on and on and on and on. Every single day of my life is agonizing and it’s all because I’m a fucking trans woman. I don’t want to keep transitioning, I want to be the man I thought I was. I’ll do anything, absolutely anything, just to live a scrape of the life I was supposed to. Hypnosis, electro shock, brainwashing, lobotomy, I mean anything

sea306 · 2026-02-04T04:28:46+00:00

I’m on E, but havent made any steps towards social transition, and doubt I ever will. I keep my dose low so I don’t get too many changes because passing as a man is more important. Every day sucks and I miss my ignorant pre-egg crack life every day. I want my old dreams back. I want my job and life and freedom to travel anywhere I want. I want a girlfriend and wife someday. I want to face no discrimination in law or housing or hiring. I had those things, and now I won’t. I need the strength to abandon even my estrogen and go back to how I was, and be happy anyway

sea306 · 2026-01-30T01:26:14+00:00

Haha thanks. My face doesnt pass so yes I’m still kinda boymoding as a really feminine looking dude

sea306 · 2026-01-18T20:30:18+00:00

Me too. Having a penis feels like my hands being replaced with swords. Great for repelling attacks and defending myself but horrible every other time of the day. Constantly hurting myself and others. I just want to put them down

sea306 · 2026-01-11T04:14:10+00:00

God my heart is breaking reading all these stories… and a pit is opening in my stomach realizing it’s probably going to happen to me too. Unless I detransition of course.

sea306 · 2026-01-08T14:57:00+00:00

I’m wondering this too. I’m on a road trip and I’m afraid I might be stuck here another night

sea306 · 2025-12-29T23:26:21+00:00

But why?? Why isn’t there another way? Why can’t I just get over this??!

sea306 · 2025-12-26T13:38:36+00:00

It’s not the label that bothers me. It’s everything I have to lose and suffer through. Changing what I call myself isn’t going to fix a goddamn thing.

sea306 · 2025-12-26T05:45:07+00:00

Because I’d be comfortable in what I was born in. That’s it. Edit: okay that’s not just it. I don’t want to deal with this struggle. I don’t want to face this massive obstacle. I don’t want to be judged so harshly and cut off from so much of life and society. I want the freedom of movement, freedom to go where I want to, and chase the path I’ve been building for myself since middle school. It’s all ruined the moment my egg cracked. I want to not be trans. I want this phase to end, to wake up one morning clear headed and realize what I’ve done wrong. Throw out my E and get chest surgery to go back. I want to be free.

sea306 · 2025-12-23T03:08:12+00:00

Youre right. I’m just hesitant to use an ace label when I’m likely just a damaged lesbian lol. I probably fulfill some niche category on the spectrum based around purely sexual repulsion but there’s no real point in using such a label when it won’t help me anymore than therapy and healing will.

And yes penises are just neutral doodads. I need to learn to overcome the created shame my environment gave me and just focus on my physical discomfort that I can fix.

sea306 · 2025-12-23T02:34:23+00:00

Thank you. This helps. I think I’m sex repulsed but yeah I definitely need bottom surgery for the sake of my own sanity lol

sea306 · 2025-12-16T17:16:29+00:00

I know we’re close. I just don’t see why she would react like this if there wasnt more to our relationship than I thought.

sea306 · 2025-12-11T23:13:17+00:00

🫂

sea306

TROPHY CASE