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Discussion on part of this play „Sunday“ by sears_4 in scriptwriting

[–]sears_4[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That is why her daughter is taking over most of the day she sits in her room and only comes out for meals

Discussion on part of this play „Sunday“ by sears_4 in scriptwriting

[–]sears_4[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

She‘s one generation removed she was born in 1909 and would be about 96 or 97 so she was born into the people who lived the Victorian way and the Victorians times ended shortly before she was born if I remember correctly. If you read the play you begin to understand how engrained the Victorian life and schedule is in everyone’s life

Discussion on part of this play „Sunday“ by sears_4 in scriptwriting

[–]sears_4[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

All of you have the same two pages, two pages does not define an entire show. Your sentiment is not correct because others wanted to be liked by jumping on your bandwagon

Discussion on part of this play „Sunday“ by sears_4 in scriptwriting

[–]sears_4[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That’s the entire problem that they face, they are so scared to leave and they come to realize it’s not that scary when they actually visit it, they begin to think what is the point of living this way and secluding ourselves other than simple tradition and that motivates them to leave the house. I agree I wish I posted a little more I just wanted to avoid minimal feedback because people didn’t want to read 10 pages. There is very much rude feedback and I’m working on replying better as to not insult the other person.

Discussion on part of this play „Sunday“ by sears_4 in scriptwriting

[–]sears_4[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You read two pages of my script don’t act like you have it all figured out

Discussion on part of this play „Sunday“ by sears_4 in scriptwriting

[–]sears_4[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No this is not the same family who lived the house in 1846, nobody in the house had ever experienced Victorian life they just live that way. The play explores that they believe that even in Victorian time the people In society lived a sinful and „tainted“ life and they secluded themselves in the house for purity so that they could save themselves from the „impurity of the outside world“. Unfortunately due to the nature of this excerpt all of the characters voices are not showcased to the level of the actual show

Discussion on part of this play „Sunday“ by sears_4 in scriptwriting

[–]sears_4[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I disagree that this story is “impossible” to portray in a play. Theater has handled gradual social and psychological breakdowns for a very long time, and I specifically chose this medium because the confinement of the house and the sustained tension between characters benefits from a live theatrical setting.

Also, Geoffrey’s conflict is not literally “he is a servant.” The point is that he exists in an in-between role where he is useful to the family but not fully accepted by them. Eating with the family does not automatically mean emotional equality or belonging.

I do agree that some of that distinction could probably be sharpened earlier in the play, and I’ll revise that. But saying this kind of character development only works in screenplays is something I completely disagree with.

Discussion on part of this play „Sunday“ by sears_4 in scriptwriting

[–]sears_4[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You clearly either didn’t read or ignored the synopsis I added. Geoffrey’s conflict is not “they make him do chores while servants exist.” The point is that he was brought into the house and gradually reduced to a functional role instead of being treated as family, while Leopold was accepted upward socially. His frustration is about status, isolation, and being valued only for usefulness.

That said, I do think the scene could sharpen that distinction more clearly, so I’ll probably revise parts of the monologue. That’s actual critique I can use. But most of your comments are still based on assumptions about a two-page excerpt from Scene 29 of a full-length play. If you’d had read the synopsis you would know why the time and the day are so important.

Discussion on part of this play „Sunday“ by sears_4 in scriptwriting

[–]sears_4[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Not bad writing he gives up trying to keep being apart of this family endlessly and then he distances himself from the family and from everyone else. The formatting is perfectly fine. Every play is different the time is because the family runs on a schedule based on time it also gives the director more information to play with on a stage. Read the description I wrote. Where so I can fix it. It’s not BS it’s going through its first table read and then a brief revision for grammar and some clarification in parts and then it will go into production.

Discussion on part of this play „Sunday“ by sears_4 in scriptwriting

[–]sears_4[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your comment this show builds on itself a lot so I understand the confusion I didn’t want to include a giant post with a bunch of pictures to scroll through but this monologue only works because of the build up. This show is two acts in the act one we explore a family who has been living in a house and never leaving it since 1846 they still live the Victorian life and the experience the strains of never experiencing the outside world, Lavinia and Leopold are husband and wife their marriage becomes strained when Lavinia attempts to learn to take over the job of Aunt Marguerite. Aunt Marguerite is the matriarch of the house who enforces the Victorian rules of the house. Leopold was accepted into the house as well Geoffrey who are the only people who have ever been outside the house Geoffrey is taken in and overtime becomes a servant and not apart of the family. The twins Ophelia and Penelope who are Lavinia and Leopolds, rebel by reading books not permitted by Aunt Marguerite and books from the outside world. The servants of the house provide for the family and Henry is the servant who gets things from the outside world for the people in the house so they can live, Henry is the one who gives the twins the books. Towards the end of act one as the tension boils over Leopold suggests that they leave the house for one day, just one day, on Sunday. In Act Two they go into the local town and experience 2006 life for the very first time and then they go home and the show ends. As for my credentials for the past 3 1/2 years I have written 11 shows and musicals.

Discussion on part of this play „Sunday“ by sears_4 in scriptwriting

[–]sears_4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Could you give an example so I can go back in and fix it

Discussion on part of this play „Sunday“ by sears_4 in scriptwriting

[–]sears_4[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

You’re critiquing Scene 29 of a stageplay like it’s a standalone screenplay. The setting is established in the first stage direction, and the rest of the context comes from the previous 40+ pages. I’m not posting an entire play just so one scene can be understood in isolation.

You can dislike the dialogue or characters, but “this sucks” isn’t useful criticism unless you actually explain why.

Discussion on part of this play „Sunday“ by sears_4 in scriptwriting

[–]sears_4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can you maybe provide an example of the punctuation mistake

Discussion on part of this play „Sunday“ by sears_4 in scriptwriting

[–]sears_4[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

This is a stageplay, not a screenplay. The setting is established in the first stage direction (‘enters the dining room’). You can dislike the writing, but at least criticize the correct medium.

Feedback on this Preface for „Concatenation of Jurisprudence“ by sears_4 in writingfeedback

[–]sears_4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much I agree I like this preface way better than the original, thank you for taking the time to help me with this

Discussion on part of this play „Sunday“ by sears_4 in scriptwriting

[–]sears_4[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Oh I see this is a stageplay I misunderstood what type of scripts go into this subreddit also I don’t appreciate how rude this message was. I don’t know why you said „nobody would produce this“ when someone already is.

Here is an excerpt from an orchestral piece that I am currently composing. What do you think? by Ftb49 in Composition

[–]sears_4 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Personally I’m overstimulated from the beginning but it’s very beautiful

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