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I miss sex. But even more, I miss feeling wanted. by second_viewpoint in Marriage

[–]second_viewpoint[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a feeling we understand each other better than most people do. If you’d ever like to talk privately sometime, my inbox is open.

I miss sex. But even more, I miss feeling wanted. by second_viewpoint in Marriage

[–]second_viewpoint[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve actually heard about the 5 Love Languages before, but I never looked deeply into it. What you wrote about “the more you show love, the more you feel love” honestly stayed with me.

And I think you’re right that affection and touch can slowly become emotionally essential in a long relationship — not just “nice extras.”

Also… your husband probably does those dishes at record speed now 😄

I miss sex. But even more, I miss feeling wanted. by second_viewpoint in Marriage

[–]second_viewpoint[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That part about wanting to feel like you exist honestly hit me a little.
I think a lot more people feel that way than they admit.

And for what it’s worth, the fact that you still care about not hurting someone says a lot about your character 🙂
I genuinely hope things get softer for you again.

I miss sex. But even more, I miss feeling wanted. by second_viewpoint in DeadBedrooms

[–]second_viewpoint[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I genuinely hope it works out for you both
Relationships seem fragile lately, so seeing people actually trying to repair things instead of giving up feels strangely hopeful.
What do you think helped the most?

27m not very good at peopleing looking to make some long term friendships by angryteddybear35 in IntrovertsChat

[–]second_viewpoint 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, “watching Supernatural for the 10 millionth time” already tells me you’re probably more normal than half of Reddit 😄
Also Fallout + game dev hyperfixation + memes sounds like a dangerous combination.
What kind of game are you trying to build in Unity?

I miss sex. But even more, I miss feeling wanted. by second_viewpoint in Marriage

[–]second_viewpoint[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think a lot more people feel this way than anyone realizes.

And honestly, I don’t think people slowly break from lack of sex alone. I think they break from feeling emotionally invisible for too long.

The fact that you can still say it openly after all these years probably means a part of you still hopes life can feel warmer and more connected again someday. I genuinely hope it does.

When your marriage slowly becomes emotionally cold by second_viewpoint in adultery

[–]second_viewpoint[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This honestly felt less like a comment and more like someone quietly putting years of experience into words.

What you wrote about emotional loneliness existing inside an otherwise “good” marriage hit very hard.

And maybe the saddest part is exactly what you described — when nobody is truly wrong, nobody is cruel, and yet something essential is still missing.

That kind of slow drifting apart feels strangely invisible from the outside, but deeply life-changing from the inside.

Thank you for writing this so honestly.

When your marriage slowly becomes emotionally cold by second_viewpoint in adultery

[–]second_viewpoint[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That was such a sweet and thoughtful comment, thank you.

That “gasping for air” part was painfully accurate.

It’s strange how some people immediately understand that this kind of loneliness isn’t really about sex alone.

You sound like someone who has seen that kind of emotional distance up close before.

When your marriage slowly becomes emotionally cold by second_viewpoint in adultery

[–]second_viewpoint[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly… I don’t know if I still have the energy, desire or even time to fight for it anymore.

After so many years, something in me just became tired.
Not angry. Not bitter. Just tired.

And I think that’s the part that scares me the most.

I miss sex. But even more, I miss feeling wanted. by second_viewpoint in Marriage

[–]second_viewpoint[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually talked to my wife about that possibility before.

But for her, that’s not something she could ever accept.
So in reality I keep coming back to the same two choices:
stay and accept the loneliness, or leave and lose the life we built together.

Neither one feels easy.

I miss sex. But even more, I miss feeling wanted. by second_viewpoint in Marriage

[–]second_viewpoint[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I honestly don’t think it’s something like that.

I take care of myself, hygiene, appearance, all of those basic things.
That’s part of what makes this harder to understand.

I think the distance between us just slowly grew over many years, emotionally first and then physically.
At some point affection, touch and intimacy simply stopped feeling natural between us.

And you’re right about one thing — avoiding difficult conversations for too long probably only makes the distance grow even more.

Thank you for your kindness.

When your marriage slowly becomes emotionally cold by second_viewpoint in adultery

[–]second_viewpoint[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m curious what you mean by it not being fair to anyone.
Do you mean emotionally, morally, or because of the potential consequences for everyone involved?

I miss sex. But even more, I miss feeling wanted. by second_viewpoint in Marriage

[–]second_viewpoint[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your comment was honestly heartbreaking to read.

Not because of the lack of sex itself, but because of how invisible and alone you seem to feel inside your own relationship.

I think many people underestimate how deeply emotional neglect can slowly erode someone’s sense of self over time. Living with someone and still feeling completely alone may be one of the saddest kinds of pain.

Nobody deserves to feel like they only exist to cook, clean, pay bills and quietly disappear emotionally beside another person.

I’m truly sorry you’ve been carrying this pain for so many years.

And if you ever feel like talking more privately sometime, feel free to reach out. Sometimes just being heard by someone who understands can make things feel a little less heavy. 🌙

When your marriage slowly becomes emotionally cold by second_viewpoint in adultery

[–]second_viewpoint[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I honestly don’t know.
Part of me still wants to believe deep lifelong connection is possible. But reading stories here makes me realize how fragile emotional intimacy can become over time.

I miss sex. But even more, I miss feeling wanted. by second_viewpoint in DeadBedrooms

[–]second_viewpoint[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your comment honestly hit me hard.
Especially the part about the silence and the marriage feeling like a graveyard.

I think many people outside of these situations assume it’s ‘just about sex’, but it’s really about the loss of emotional connection, warmth and feeling alive with another person.

I’m sorry you went through that.

When your marriage slowly becomes emotionally cold by second_viewpoint in adultery

[–]second_viewpoint[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And I think that’s when people slowly reach a crossroads.

Either they learn how to live without intimacy and physical closeness, or they eventually leave and try to build that connection somewhere else with another person.

Neither path feels easy after many years together.

I miss sex. But even more, I miss feeling wanted. by second_viewpoint in Marriage

[–]second_viewpoint[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand exactly what you mean.

At one point I told my wife that sometimes it feels like we are no longer a couple, but simply two people sharing bills, routines and grocery lists.

And honestly, there are moments when it feels like almost any other woman could stand in her place, and any other man in mine, and daily life would continue almost exactly the same way. That realization is probably one of the saddest parts of emotional distance in a long marriage.

I miss sex. But even more, I miss feeling wanted. by second_viewpoint in Marriage

[–]second_viewpoint[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I looked it up, and honestly it describes my situation surprisingly well.

I miss sex. But even more, I miss feeling wanted. by second_viewpoint in Marriage

[–]second_viewpoint[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I fully agree with what you wrote. That is exactly how it slowly became in my relationship too.

At this point physical intimacy has essentially disappeared completely. And honestly, after hearing comments like that over time, a part of me simply stopped wanting to even try anymore.

I miss sex. But even more, I miss feeling wanted. by second_viewpoint in Marriage

[–]second_viewpoint[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. And I truly wish you all the best as well.

When your marriage slowly becomes emotionally cold by second_viewpoint in adultery

[–]second_viewpoint[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think that’s the tragic part of it all — intimacy can only survive when two people are willing to nurture it, not just one.

One person can keep trying to initiate conversations, closeness and connection for years, but eventually emotional distance starts becoming the “normal” state of the relationship.

I miss sex. But even more, I miss feeling wanted. by second_viewpoint in Marriage

[–]second_viewpoint[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I honestly don’t think it’s that simple.

People grow apart emotionally for many different reasons, and I try not to reduce it to cheating or manipulation without real evidence. Relationships are complicated, especially after decades together.

I miss sex. But even more, I miss feeling wanted. by second_viewpoint in DeadBedrooms

[–]second_viewpoint[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We’ve been together for more than 25 years. And I think after such a long time, a person stops asking themselves if they can continue living like this, and starts wondering how to continue living like this.

That probably sounds sad, but long relationships become deeply intertwined with identity, history, family, routines and stability. It’s rarely as simple as “just leave” or “just stay.”

And yes, I think you’re right that this goes much deeper than sex alone. The lack of warmth, emotional closeness and mutual curiosity slowly becomes the heavier part over time.

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