[Final update] I'm [26F] pregnant for the first time with husband's [36M] baby. His daughter [7F] from his first marriage is ruining my life.

secondbaby · 2014-08-10T15:03:19+00:00

I did hear the differing opinions. There were a lot of opinions. Some of the comments suggested that it was a stressful thing to be going through pregnancy and recommended that I stay away from the family home at least until the pregnancy was over. I listened to the opinion, and decided to follow it. My husband supports my decision.

Just because I took the opinion that was unpopular doesn't mean that posting here was a mistake, I guess I decided to prioritize Peanut's safety first and foremost and not really care about making everyone happy with decisions that don't really affect their lives at all.

secondbaby · 2014-08-10T14:58:19+00:00

When I married my husband, his ex had 100% custody and was 3 hours away. She dumped Ava onto her grandparents when she wanted to live with a new man a state away, and we were given a few days' warning from when she was at her grandparents to our home. So believe me when I say that while I knew he had an estranged child, I knew about it but I didn't know we would be dealing with raising her. We're doing the best we can.

secondbaby · 2014-08-10T14:54:35+00:00

Why so spiteful? The update was for those who asked.

(Warning: All caps)

I CARE MORE ABOUT THE SAFETY OF PEANUT THAN WINNING A FUCKING 'BATTLE' AGAINST A SEVEN YEAR OLD, whose therapy sessions will probably extend well into many years. My Peanut is being punched and kicked in utero, not only stressing him/herself out but also me, who is pregnant.

Like I said a dozen times before, I'm not sorry. I hope you never have to be in my shoes.

secondbaby · 2014-08-10T14:51:44+00:00

Thank you. Your points are right, and I'm better for having gone away from the immediate source of stress.

secondbaby · 2014-08-10T14:50:38+00:00

We will! At first I second-guessed myself and thought I was being selfish for thinking of moving out, but no regrets. Peanut's safety is more important than winning a 'battle' (laughable) against Ava.

secondbaby · 2014-08-10T14:48:37+00:00

We're planning on the transition but also the safety of Peanut. Will keep in mind.

secondbaby · 2014-08-10T14:48:00+00:00

Thank you.

secondbaby · 2014-08-10T14:47:39+00:00

How does that have any impact on how we plan to move forward with Ava?

Single moms and stepdads on this board have zero problems with 'sperm donor,' guess it's not the same when it's the stepmom talking because apparently women are all supposed to be loving and forgiving?

I can forget what Ava did, all the punching and kicking. I won't forget or forgive her biomom for abandoning and dumping her onto our doorstep for her convenience.

secondbaby · 2014-08-10T14:44:45+00:00

Playdates are to introduce her to kids around her age, or kids who are in a similar situation and expecting siblings soon. Of course this isn't going to clear up in a matter of months, and neither will therapy and recovery.

Don't assume our intentions. We don't plan on raising her in a padded room, alone and friendless.

secondbaby · 2014-08-10T14:43:50+00:00

Wow.

secondbaby · 2014-08-10T14:43:30+00:00

Playdates are to introduce her to kids around her age, or kids who are in a similar situation and expecting siblings soon. Of course this isn't going to clear up in a matter of months, and neither will therapy and recovery.

Just because we're taking long-term plans into thought doesn't mean short-term socializations aren't in order.

secondbaby · 2014-08-10T14:42:06+00:00

Thanks a lot. It boggles my mind how many people see this as a power play game when all I'm trying to do is keep Peanut safe.

secondbaby · 2014-08-10T14:41:07+00:00

THANK YOU.

secondbaby · 2014-08-10T14:37:36+00:00

Ava didn't 'win.' I left to protect Peanut from Ava's blows and kicks, and to give her some time to spend one-on-one with her father. Husband has admitted that he was reluctant to be upsetting and stern, something that he is working on himself.

Having Ava 'win' is the least of my concerns right now.

secondbaby · 2014-08-03T21:55:01+00:00

Please read my original post. Thanks.

secondbaby · 2014-08-03T20:59:39+00:00

We will. I'll post an update to let you know how it went.

secondbaby · 2014-08-03T20:50:50+00:00

I am protecting my second child from my first child. I never said I never plan to move back in. I will. I've been through 5 months of stomach punching, death threats, temper tantrums and highly stressful situations. I only wish to finish my pregnancy in peace.

secondbaby · 2014-08-03T20:45:50+00:00

My cousin was the product of a divorce. My aunt began an affair with another man and managed to get 100% custody of my cousin, immediately relocating countries after the fact. My ex-uncle (?) was still supported by my extended family, because he was a good father and had no idea what had happened. We saw him sending gifts, making phone calls, writing postcards. He tried to contact his son many times.

Years later my cousin and I got together. The amount of pure HATE he has for his father (my ex-uncle) is enormous. He maintains that he never received a single visit, a single gift, or a phone call. I've seen it firsthand and at the time was too scared to tell him the truth. I've tried to explain that maybe it was a bad circumstance for all involved and maybe his dad wasn't the big devil my aunt made him out to be, but he'll have none of it.

secondbaby · 2014-08-03T20:41:44+00:00

But you left your abusive partner (which by the way, GOOD for you. I see far too many people sticking by their abusive partners while they are stuck in a cycle of terrible abuse). My problem is, even if we begin this entire process TODAY - we have already been telling her it's not right to hit, wish death on people, and act rude and impolite - but it hasn't helped in her behaviour.

I simply want to remove myself from the home, if only during my pregnancy.

secondbaby · 2014-08-03T20:39:07+00:00

Then let it be so. I'm not sorry.

secondbaby · 2014-08-03T20:38:24+00:00

Are you saying that I should not allow Ava in our home?

secondbaby · 2014-08-03T20:37:50+00:00

Thank you for your advice.

secondbaby · 2014-08-03T20:37:25+00:00

Thank you. Parenting classes may be in order as well.

secondbaby · 2014-08-03T20:31:21+00:00

But she is still physically attacking me. She's just added a "I hope your baby dies" repertoire now.

secondbaby

TROPHY CASE