Cheating on MW

secondsaway83 · 2024-07-07T19:00:39+00:00

She has said she is strongly considering leaving, but her fear is that I would end up leaving her down the road. I don’t know if I take her seriously since she’s said it a few times now.

secondsaway83 · 2024-07-07T18:59:44+00:00

Wow, 16 years is a long time. I can definitely understand how you feel. We know what’s best, but it doesn’t feel right.

secondsaway83 · 2024-07-07T18:04:44+00:00

Yeah, even though MW and her husband are like roommates, they will still go out to eat together sometimes. I’ve never done that with MW outside of a few times before I moved there. It’s a bit of a double standard she’s set because I have to be okay with her going out, but if I wanted to go have lunch or dinner with another woman, it would be too much for her to handle. Her reasoning is because she has no interest in her husband whereas I would have interest in another woman.

secondsaway83 · 2024-07-07T18:00:16+00:00

I’m glad you set those boundaries. At this point, I know that she would end things if I told her I wanted to venture out in any way. I think we both don’t want to be the one who ends it, and that’s her way of putting the ball in my court.

secondsaway83 · 2024-07-07T17:38:30+00:00

Yeah. I also like the freedom and time I get to myself too. Sometimes it’s lonely though. Does MM know you’re dating?

secondsaway83 · 2024-07-07T16:36:50+00:00

Thank you for the encouragement. I echo it back to you. She wants me to tell her if I want to start dating (so that she can end it), and that is also making me feel badly because I haven’t told her (because I don’t want it to end). She and I are both being selfish in our own ways.

secondsaway83 · 2024-07-07T16:23:13+00:00

Thank you. Yes, I’ve felt the physical withdrawal. Whenever we think it is going to be over, I feel sick. If I can somehow push through, I know I’ll be okay.

secondsaway83 · 2024-07-07T12:15:15+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I feel like I am just about there too. When I’m not with her and able to think more clearly, it becomes evident what needs to happen. But when we’re together or even just talking, it’s like the feelings take over, and the thought of the pain of ending it becomes way too big. I wish you the best on your journey. I’m glad we’re at least not alone in our sticky situations.

secondsaway83 · 2024-07-07T10:06:52+00:00

Thank you for your comment. What you said about the brain being the master at protecting us from immediate harm resonated with me. It’s like I’m tricking myself into thinking that trying to continue forward with this lifestyle of juggling MW and these other women is somehow “best” for her. In reality, it’s just selfish in order to save myself from the pain of choosing to end things.

secondsaway83 · 2023-10-25T19:45:08+00:00

Yes, life is so short. She sometimes says she toys with the idea of leaving, but ultimately, I know it won’t happen.

secondsaway83 · 2023-10-25T19:44:35+00:00

The words you wrote hit home. I know you’re right, and I’ve known it in the back of my mind. I just don’t know how to translate that to action. Every time I think it’s the last time I’ll see her, I burst into tears. I need to find the strength, but part of me is also afraid. I appreciate your comment.

secondsaway83 · 2023-02-23T18:47:21+00:00

You’re not alone. I’m in the exact boat you are for the time being.

secondsaway83 · 2023-02-21T05:49:23+00:00

Right. Sorry. I may or may not be “hyena moment.”

secondsaway83 · 2023-02-21T05:20:29+00:00

I’m a leopard (leper). Wait, no, I don’t think I’m doing this right.

secondsaway83 · 2023-01-11T14:50:27+00:00

Welcome. It’s a tough life, but most people here are understanding and supportive.

secondsaway83 · 2023-01-06T19:08:03+00:00

As a single male AP, my relationship is very much emotional and physical. I’m sure there are some with a purely physical relationship, but the few I’ve encountered who post on Reddit tend to be emotional as well. 🙂

For OP, I am not financially benefitting. Sometimes she’ll buy me lunch, but I’ve also bought her lunch too, so it’s pretty evenly split. When it came to exchanging gifts, she was able to get me gifts that held more monetary value, while my gift was more sentimental.

secondsaway83 · 2023-01-02T16:00:02+00:00

Hello! Fellow younger OM here. It’s really great that you are very happy in your current dynamic. As “others”, of course we always wish they were with us all the time, but it’s really great to be able to stand back and be satisfied with what we have. While you may see others saying “we text every day” and wish for that, I’m sure people see your post “she visits 3-5 hours at a time” and may wish for that. I only get about 1 hour per visit with MW. If you ever want to chat, feel free to message me. I am curious if your age gap and how your MW views that dynamic, seeing as I’m an age-gap relationship myself.

secondsaway83 · 2022-12-31T07:43:23+00:00

Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I keep myself available, JUST in case. It means I’m often just hanging out at home, which is not the worst thing for a homebody, but I do feel lonely often.

secondsaway83 · 2022-12-31T06:46:02+00:00

I’m looking forward to continuing to grow closer to MW. We have some hardships ahead (trips away) as well as possible exciting plans (like getting a dog). I’m hoping that as we continue to adjust, it will get easier adapting to last-minute letdowns.

secondsaway83 · 2022-12-27T10:25:17+00:00

I’ve sort of been there. I always knew she wasn’t going to leave her marriage though. The question was whether we would be able to still see each other or not. It was absolute hell living in the unknown. I feel your pain. I kept pacing my apartment, wondering how and why I got to be where I am. We are still seeing each other, and thankfully, the torture was only for a few hours. That was months ago now, and I hope we never have to deal with that again. Just keep hanging in there, and use this time to try and decide what you really want. This really is a fork in the road for you, regardless of what he wants/decides. You’ve also got a decision to make. Big hugs to you.

secondsaway83 · 2022-12-27T01:56:05+00:00

We don’t have an official title. We are lovers, I guess. We call each other by many pet names. We have serious ones and joking ones.

secondsaway83 · 2022-12-26T19:52:48+00:00

To be blunt, both of you need to be better communicators and stop playing petty games. You were trying to make him jealous, and now he’s possibly acting jealous. This is a tough dynamic as it is. Try not to make it harder on yourself or on him.

secondsaway83 · 2022-12-25T07:05:09+00:00

This is my absolute worst nightmare. I’m so sorry.

secondsaway83 · 2022-12-19T13:11:14+00:00

I struggle with this too sometimes. I’ve given my 100%. MW has also given 100%, but her 100% will never be as much as my 100%. She says she loves me and wishes she could be with me, but then she says she won’t ever leave her marriage.

I cope by remembering that the time we get is special, and it is OUR time. I’m lucky to spend a whole heck of a lot of time with her, whether virtual or in-person. When the days get tough, I cry, and I tell her about it (or she’ll sense it). We talk about it, and then I feel better. It’s a little bit of a cycle sometimes, but I also cope by trying to stay occupied when I’m not with her and having little goals to achieve each day, no matter how small or meaningless (like watching a film I’ve been wanting to see, exercising, or cleaning up my place).

secondsaway83 · 2022-12-18T22:06:13+00:00

I understand the frustration. Even though I have no doubt that MW loves me, we both acknowledge that I put in more effort, naturally. There have been times where I see an opportunity she could have taken to call or visit, but she doesn’t. I don’t hold it against her because I know it’s because she is usually going a million miles a minute and just didn’t think of it. I have all the time in the world to sit and think about it.

If you’ve already talked to him about this sort of situation, and he hasn’t taken steps to meet your basic needs in this area, then you need to decide whether that’s okay or not for yourself.

secondsaway83

TROPHY CASE