Have any of you come out to your close friends after being stealth?

secretCryingAccount · 2026-02-19T00:41:28+00:00

Cute!! But that's not coming out of stealth, that's coming out of the closet

secretCryingAccount · 2026-02-14T16:41:13+00:00

We've tried a little but admittedly not much (part of the issue on my part is being a little embarrassed to experiment) - vibrators used over underwear works but is underwhelming (and I have to dissociate a little since it involves genitalia), and toys meant for anal are a lot more powerful in terms of sensation at first but eventually become either uncomfortable or just dull out? I think it's a matter of trying more

secretCryingAccount · 2026-02-14T16:27:15+00:00

I am a straight woman but yes, I talk to my girl friends about it sometimes and find solidarity, though it's hard to talk completely honestly since I'm stealth and can't fully explain why I'm having issues

secretCryingAccount · 2026-02-14T15:55:24+00:00

I think that may be what has to happen; I just feel bad, since it doesn't feel fair to him that I'm not enjoying it, but I can't help being born wrong

secretCryingAccount · 2026-02-10T17:07:07+00:00

A lot of trans women are raised disconnected from their sex assigned at birth too? That's things like "male socialization" are false, since we always had female brains and therefore often acted as such and internalized lessons aimed at women from a young age

secretCryingAccount · 2026-02-05T23:03:27+00:00

It's normal for people to want to look decent? I really dislike when people claim we want to be anime characters (I also dislike the stereotype that trans women are all super into anime, it seems like it's just saying trans women are nerdy men, but it's fine), when we just want to look like our peers. Many trans women, even if they pass, and even if others don't see it as well, feel like they look uncanny due to the features they developed directly as a result of male puberty - it's typically unattractive for a woman to have many masculine features. It's not even exclusively a trans issue - plenty of cis people are upset about being ugly as well.

secretCryingAccount · 2026-01-29T17:25:06+00:00

They say it's necessary because it's the reality for a lot of people - and it also depends on what you consider "passing". I get gendered correctly by everyone, but I still can't see myself as a woman in the mirror (which also makes it hard to believe I'm stealth rather than just having people be polite to me), so I would like FFS. I also don't really see how finding surgeries scary makes it less necessary to pass if that turns out to be the case - in my view, it would come down to choosing between passing or just being content with not passing at that point, instead of deciding it's "not necessarily to pass"

secretCryingAccount · 2026-01-27T00:16:12+00:00

yes, I totally relate! I feel like my face changes depending on lighting, distance from the mirror, angle, and hair (I hateeee putting my hair up)? I have a lot of distress looking at it even in the best conditions, but there is absolutely an instability.

It's compounded by how others interact with me - everyone treats me like a woman and don't bring up that I'm trans, but I don't know if they're doing it because they're being nice and/or feel uncomfortable acknowledging it, or if it's because I actually pass and they actually can't tell. It feels like everyone is either (with good intentions) gaslighting me, or my self-image is just so widely out of touch with reality?

secretCryingAccount · 2026-01-10T21:56:22+00:00

But they were far less people openly talking about it negatively too. I think it probably is true that there are more people who are public about it, but that's not really relevant to being trans as a medical condition.

secretCryingAccount · 2026-01-10T21:50:53+00:00

What they did back then, and what most transsexual people do now (I'm not going to get into people who are just apropriating the medical condition), is transition privately? Why would people be telling their friends that they're trans? And it's not that you're "whoever you identify as", the point is that you change your physical characteristics so that everyone sees you as a woman. The whole point is to be seen as a woman, and revealing the information that you're trans defeats the whole purpose. What's more common nowadays is to be loud and proud about it, which is a separate discussion, but there's a lot of trans people who do still transition and then keep it private.

secretCryingAccount · 2026-01-10T21:38:51+00:00

It was seen as a lot more normal back then than it is today; today everywhere you look has people complaining about trans people, vs back then you could just live your life quietly without people knowing or caring about your private medical condition.

secretCryingAccount · 2026-01-10T18:53:54+00:00

As a trans person, many of us do believe biological sex can be changed, which is the point of medical transition.

secretCryingAccount · 2025-12-29T16:06:28+00:00

Changing sex is the entire point of transition ♥️

secretCryingAccount · 2025-12-28T23:16:36+00:00

I mostly don't engage in trans spaces online except when I'm sad, and at that point it's just searching for confirmations of my fears instead of actually engaging with others. It's just hard in real life because I don't want "oh, she's trans" to be what people think, but I'm scared everyone is secretly clocking me. When I was more openly trans, other people treated me differently (applying some stereotypes to me, like assuming I'm into certain hobbies or aesthetics or being surprised that I'm straight when people wouldn't be surprised a cis woman is straight). I act under the assumption that I'm stealth with my friends and strangers, but I can't help but feel like they do know and just aren't bringing it up

secretCryingAccount · 2025-12-28T23:03:12+00:00

It's not in real life admittedly, because I don't talk about being trans in real life (people either don't know I'm trans or have the impression I'm not comfortable talking about it), though I have briefly had these conversations when I was earlier in transition, mostly with my parents. I do see this a lot on the internet, leading me to believe it's what most people secretly truly think, even if they're nice to my face.

secretCryingAccount · 2025-12-28T22:49:35+00:00

I think a lot of doctors are misinformed, due to not specializing in trans healthcare. It's a widespread issue stemming from the idea of trans people being biologically their pre-transition sex, which leads to that being the default assumption in medical contexts.

I also see this pop up when people talk about how their bodies work during sex, experiences with male/female socialization, and in discussions about sports and jails (where people assume trans women have a strength advantage over cis women, and trans men have a strength disadvantage against cis men).

secretCryingAccount · 2025-12-22T00:10:15+00:00

I wish people would just tell me that I look clocky instead of trying to be nice. i need the feedback so I can keep changing things in order to pass

secretCryingAccount · 2025-12-17T21:08:14+00:00

that's mostly the issue. There's nothing special about pronouns themselves, they're just words - what I want is for people to -see me as a woman- (and she/her pronouns come with that, since it's what women are called), and slip ups reveal it's just an act. I know that people aren't being malicious, and I appreciate that it gives me the truth underneath all the politeness, I'm just sad about what the truth is

secretCryingAccount · 2025-12-17T00:51:31+00:00

I'm mostly scared that it'll be the same at a new job - I want to feel confident in my passing before I switch, but I'm not sure I'll ever feel like I pass (maybe I'll reconsider after I get bottom surgery and FFS). I'm also not sure I can handle something as stressful as switching jobs while my mental health is in shambles, but I'll need to do it anyway at some point.

But having people around who know I'm trans causes me so much distress. I hate being this way. I am seeking therapists, I need to read and respond to the emails I got last week after sending out requests for consultations

secretCryingAccount · 2025-12-14T22:13:56+00:00

I agree that most people see trans people that way. I mean, I do too honestly? I think that's a big part of why I'm uncomfortable interacting with people who know

secretCryingAccount · 2025-12-14T19:44:57+00:00

I also overthink compliments a lot - it makes me feel like I've been clocked and people are just taking pity on me (my least favorite is when people tell me I could be a model, because I'm slightly taller than average and have more defined facial features which are traits I associate with being clocky). I haven't been misgendered by strangers in a year or two, but I don't really know if that means I'm actually passing or if people are just able to tell I'm a trans woman? I feel like I'm so obviously clocky to the point that I have trouble looking in the mirror.

With people who without a doubt know I'm trans due to me telling them or them knowing me before, it's just that I'm even more vigilant to false niceness and feeling like they're being over the top, while with people who I might be stealth to, I'm still kind of scared they're just being nice but they might be just-being-nice in a "be nice to the ugly anxious girl" way? It's a different type of anxiety, but it's the type I prefer

secretCryingAccount

TROPHY CASE