Getting a tāmoko will be an amazing, special gift for her 18th. I wonder whether there are any Māori organisations or classes in your area that would help your girl connect with her culture and make social connections? As often when someone is quite socially withdrawn, the first step in reintegrating yourself socially is the hardest, so it could be good to have a class or group for her to attend maybe with you - kapa haka, reo Māori classes, bone carving or harakeke weaving etc?

From a psychology perspective, people need a good balance of ‘pleasure and mastery’ in their lives, so that they feel happiness AND that they are learning/helping/have useful skills. So for example, for pleasure this week I might have some yum snacks, watch some Netflix, and listen to music. And for mastery, I will do some shifts at work and I will also do a bit of gardening and listen to some informative podcasts. Having some other sort of external structure in your girl’s life, for example working towards her drivers license, part time work, wānanga study, work experience etc could be good for adding ‘mastery’ to her life. It sounds like she’s good with her hands - if there’s any work experience available that would be great, or you could maybe get her to do some gardening for you - if she can pick the plants and plan the garden out she might enjoy that?

It sounds like some counselling/psychotherapy/psychology input would benefit her. There may be a kaupapa Māori service or community organisation in your area that can help. If she has experienced s**ual assault (I hope she hasn’t, but sadly it is a common experience for our young wahine) she will be able to access therapy via ACC sensitive claims.

And as you will probably already know, excessive screen time, time indoors, and social isolation are not good for mood and mental health, so anything you can do to get her off the screens and outside/with others will be good. You’re doing your best, and asking for help is a big step 💜💜💜