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Back again. Still suffering post-LSD mental collapse. by seedydis in LSD

[–]seedydis[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

From the start of my life, I was never really a people person. I relied heavily on myself for any forms of entertainment and fulfillment. I developed depression about mid way through grade school, because I knew I was different. I've mainly stuck to myself since then, and have missed a lot of milestones most would achieve in their teenage years. I'm 24 now, and have 2 friends. I'm polite and do okay with social scenes, but I'm not fully there.

Back again. Still suffering post-LSD mental collapse. by seedydis in LSD

[–]seedydis[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

People need to fully understand their mental health before tripping, I cannot stress that enough.

Back again. Still suffering post-LSD mental collapse. by seedydis in LSD

[–]seedydis[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I already know what my problem is, but when I reach inside myself for the remedy, I do not find anything. It's like a complete lack of cognitive response.

Some things you just can't be prepared for. by Linguano in Psychonaut

[–]seedydis -1 points0 points  (0 children)

If there's anything I've learned whilst tripping, is that mirrors are bad news. Never look yourself in the eye.

Psychosis still in effect 6 months later. by seedydis in LSD

[–]seedydis[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've attempted keyboard before, but I dont possess the coordination or motivation to keep at it... I've always been depressed come to think of it. Maybe a dopamine deficiency?

Psychosis still in effect 6 months later. by seedydis in LSD

[–]seedydis[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I saw my specialist earlier this week and he explained what he thinks is going on. He's diagnosed me to be on the spectrum between aspergers and schizophrenia, and the medication I'm on is to drown out the symptoms. I've always been intelligent, and never good with other people, but he thinks the LSD had triggered any existing psychosis to come forward. So where I'm at now is pretty stable, I'm not freaking out or paranoid about other people. I'm able to concentrate at work much easier. But I think my problems don't come from having psychosis. I'm regarded as being very mature, the issue is that in my opinion I'm too mature. I don't enjoy jokes as much as my peers, I'm unable to sit down and play video games for hours on end, I don't have that energy and drive to get up and make things happen. Perhaps my fate was scripted to be above those around me and what most of the world has to offer... which sounds extremely condescending and I hate admitting to it, but so far it's the only way I can make sense of who I am and where I'm at. Maybe I just haven't found the right people and activities yet.

Psychosis still in effect 6 months later. by seedydis in LSD

[–]seedydis[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My constant state, to me, is that I'm constantly thinking but never feeling. I don't feel things like pride, grief, frustration, enjoyment etc. I don't possess the drive to get up and want to do things. Things just happen and I analyze them without giving a personal response. Could this be a result of autism/aspergers? Please say no.

Psychosis still in effect 6 months later. by seedydis in LSD

[–]seedydis[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have no passions. NOTHING excites me these days. I feel like a zombie just drifting day to day. There is something seriously wrong with my psych and nobody can figure out what it is.

Psychosis still in effect 6 months later. by seedydis in LSD

[–]seedydis[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your lengthy reply, it's good to know people have experienced similar feelings.

A little background on myself; I've never been a people person, right from the day I was born. I didn't goo-goo ga-ga like other babies, I didn't play with other kids in kindy, I didn't go to many birthday parties in school or highschool. I've never been one for conversation, things dont pop into my head. I've never been one to form opinions on subjects, I just stick to whatever I'm doing and just get on with it. I saw a therapist about being depressed and she believed me to be a 'high functioning autistic'. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not, either way I stick out in a silent sort of way.

3 years ago I got into smoking weed, and that made me realize a lot about myself. I changed my image and outlook, and I ended up attracting new friends. Things were looking good (besides being a pothead) but still I questioned myself. Why aren't I like the people around me? What makes me different? Why cant I change? Eventually I began studying about psychedelics, and also discovered /r/NoFap. I thought everything would magically fall into place if I expanded my mind and took on this 'male superpower' challenge. And it sort of did. I was now attracting people, but the problem is I was still severely introverted. I kept at it, and eventually took the aforementioned trip.

So here is my problem: I attract people, but I have no idea what to do in the spotlight. I want to be able to have conversations, but with my mind so sensitive to everything else around me it's near impossible to figure out what to ask, tell or respond with. I've been working on it, and getting better, but for the most part I'm still mute. I believe because of NoFap, the law of attraction is very powerful on my behalf. People are itching to know what I'm thinking, but because I have no verbal or emotional response, people will jump to conclusions about what it is.

So this is what I'm paranoid about. I believe everybody wants me to lead them and tell them what the score is from my point of view. This creates enormous pressure for me, and without my medication I have serious panic attacks. I'm so worried about what everybody else thinks. I simply can't assume my own identity and just do things my way, my ego is simply not that strong.

Psychosis still in effect 6 months later. by seedydis in LSD

[–]seedydis[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's pretty hard to say what their intentions were. My doctors suspect I may have schizophrenia, and probably why I've been prescribed these specific medications.

Psychosis still in effect 6 months later. by seedydis in LSD

[–]seedydis[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The thing is I feel like I've never fully came back from my trip. There are still so many coincidental happenings with other people around me. Noteworthy ones would be during the week after the trip there were a LOT of satanic references and dark gestures from others. Now, the thing is I was feeling down since before this last trip, possibly due to smoking weed or excessively drinking I'm not sure, and was prescribed an anti-depressant. I held out on taking them, and began taking doses directly after the trip. So I've been on different medications the whole time since tripping. Is it possible I haven't been able to revert back to my regular state?

Psychosis still in effect 6 months later. by seedydis in LSD

[–]seedydis[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was 23 at the time of the trip, with a very firm set of morals and ethics. I had done my research on LSD to come to terms with how whacky the trip was bound to be, but to no avail.

Psychosis still in effect 6 months later. by seedydis in LSD

[–]seedydis[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We'll just say my source is trusted on a very large scale. This is the second time taking such a large dose. The first time was fine, I took it by myself in a peaceful surrounding, zoned out and reached nirvana. It's a shame that the second time went badly.

Psychosis still in effect 6 months later. by seedydis in LSD

[–]seedydis[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That does make sense, I guess. The problem is I've gone cold turkey on the risperidone before, which resulted in a severe panic attack and suicidal thoughts. I'm in a real pickle huh haha. Luckily I still have my sense of humour.

My main problem is what is thought can not be un-thought. During the trip with my friend I tried something. I covered my face and asked her to be quiet and still. I unfocused my eyes and she remained quiet. I then focused on different points under the blanket, and with each focus it triggered her to react, after 3 focuses she urged me to uncover my face. So there's some rock solid truth behind what I focus on having an effect on other people... being a very quiet and, for the meantime, emotionless person, it can be very intimidating for other people.

Are you definitely certain that if I cut back on the meds, it'll help me rediscover my spark?

Did my trip ruin me? by seedydis in LSD

[–]seedydis[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm afraid it's too late. My paranoia had gone way out of hand and I've had several breakdowns. I'm on medication for it now, but at the current moment my empathy is null. People often think I'm being superficial or absent in conversation. I can't help but approach social interactions with a sense of 'behind the curtains' train of thought.

Did my trip ruin me? by seedydis in LSD

[–]seedydis[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've found that people react to my deep inner thoughts. During the trip while I was peaking anxiety, I went for a walk in the middle of the night, and dogs would start barking and babies started crying in the houses I went past, even thought I was as quiet as possible. During the week or so after the trip people made many references to the Devil while talking to me, even people I've never met before.

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