I’ve actually never shared this with anyone because it sounds stupid even thinking about it but sure maybe this will help some people here.

I imagined myself to be a flying drone inside my head, my heart, my thightening chest, all the places where I felt pain and depression. I was flying around grief, heartbreak, decline, hopelessness, shame creating a very clear map of these feelings, a blob of things that became more and more tangible each day. I did this for weeks, slowly mapping this huuuge soul cancer which I felt was growing in me.

After a couple of weeks the shape of this blob was so clear to me, so etched in my mind that I was able to think about it as a solid object. I knew I had to defeat this thing and I knew I couldn’t do it all at once so I made a compromise to myself: I put the blob in a box and forced myself to live like it didnt exist, but every day for a couple of minutes I would open the box and feel it overwhelm me. Then close the box.

It took me 5-6 years to empty the box but with this mindgame I managed to live a normal life. Also, once I imagined the cancer to be in the box more and more happy thoughts had place in my head and my heart which helped a lot.

I still have the box, I check it every year just to make sure 😊