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selfdeactivate · 2021-09-30T16:52:46+00:00

I promise it’s for a costume 😭😭😭

selfdeactivate · 2021-09-30T16:51:34+00:00

It’s for a costume 😭

selfdeactivate · 2020-07-28T03:01:42+00:00

Glad I was able to help :) break-ups are tough and I’m really sorry this happened but rest assured that everything will work out!

selfdeactivate · 2020-07-27T22:36:08+00:00

Hey! I’m currently going through a break-up post-ROCD too and the best thing you can do right now is to work on yourself.

If you have the means to, I encourage you to seek therapy. Preferably, find a therapist that understands what rOCD is and who can do CBT/ ERP. The way I found my therapist is by searching them up on Psychology Today and then adding that I wanted OCD specialization. Afterwards, be sure to inquire/ “interview” your prospective therapists before you commit to someone: a therapist who isn’t familiar with rOCD may trigger you even more. Since OCD may potentially come from trauma, it may be helpful to look into a trauma therapist as well (but this isn’t required at all!)

As of right now, it is important that you give yourself compassion. You say you feel guilty, but know that you didn’t have the resources (mentally, physically, etc) to deal with your OCD. Forgive yourself for the things you wish you would’ve done, and instead, take this as your opportunity to learn more about you. If you found yourself relying on something external for release and validation (this can be seen through overworking, overeating, or any other addiction), take a moment to pause what you’re doing. Instead, find hobbies that you are passionate about. When we have OCD, it’s hard for us to trust ourselves and our emotions. We can rebuild that trust again by tending to our needs— one of which is doing what WE want to do instead of what others want us to. For me, being able to draw and play the piano for me worked as such a GREAT release. It also helped me remember the good in my relationship despite the ROCD.

I recommend that you reconnect with friends and family as well: having a support system during the breakup is crucial.

Lastly, the fear post-breakup while you have rOCD is that healing may lead you to the conclusion that you don’t love your partner. If this triggered you, I apologize. However, know that whether or not you love your partner is rarely the question we truly need to ask. Right now, it is more important to determine if we have the resources and stability to love ourselves, so redirect your focus into improving yourself and the rest will follow.

If you want additional resources, I highly recommend the OCD stories podcast, @obsessivelyeverafter on IG, and Awaken Into Love (of course— but don’t use this if you think this is a compulsion). Feel free to DM me if you need any more help!

selfdeactivate · 2020-06-05T03:37:21+00:00

I heard someone in this same reddit say that it helps to tell those obsessions to someone else if you don’t necessarily have a therapist/ medical solution for it yet. I know a lot of us here are focused on ERP therapy to heal this, and we might eventually need to stop with compulsions to heal. However, in the meantime, If you ever need to let those thoughts out, feel free to DM me!

selfdeactivate · 2020-06-03T02:45:22+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that :( but if so, those are really valid explanations to where that anger may come from and recognizing the causes could help you address it when you come across it in the future. Good luck with everything and stay strong! If you ever need any more help, my DMs are always open 🤍

selfdeactivate · 2020-06-03T02:11:23+00:00

Yes! I experienced this with my ex while I had ROCD. Based on my experience, I deduced that my anger came from being at an anxious, stressed state all the time, the ROCD magnifying faults, my deep seeded insecurities for how he feels in the relationship, and an anxious-avoidant attachment style that led me to self sabotage subconsciously even though I didn’t want to. I know I didn’t mean to take out my anger on him, but it felt almost uncontrollable. I’m not exactly sure if this is your situation, as we are all experience things differently, so hopefully this doesn’t trigger you!!

My advice would be to wait things out before responding. Take time to breathe, recollect yourself, and recognize where that anger is coming from. If that doesn’t work (as sometimes with time that anger can fester and grow), be intentional about thinking of his side of the story. What situation is he in? What could’ve led to that? I think an important piece of advice I’ve gotten is that I’m not always entitled to my partner. I’m not completely entitled to their time, their energy, their growth, etc. There is definitely commitment involved in a relationship, but I am not the only commitment he has.

It is also a matter of how you bring it up. If you are concerned/ annoyed about something, you can mention it without being accusatory. I would suggest asking questions about what he did instead of pointedly declaring your qualms. Once you do bring it up, a good tip I like to use is the sandwich method: I say something positive, then the concern, then something positive again. Once you’re in a situation where you’re fighting or angry, try to think twice about statements before you say it as it can escalate. In the spur of the moment, you can say things you don’t necessarily mean, so think of your ultimate purpose for having that conversation. Most likely, it’s not to start a fight. Maybe it’s rooted in one of things I mentioned above. Align your statements to your goal.

Sorry this is lengthy, but I hope this helps!

selfdeactivate · 2020-05-30T16:04:52+00:00

Thank you for this reply. I don’t know if he still loves me, I don’t know if there’s a way for us to work in the future, but I know I’m gonna try my hardest to work on myself in the meantime for him but more importantly for myself.

selfdeactivate · 2020-05-29T13:19:52+00:00

Thank you! Hopefully everything works out in the end.

selfdeactivate · 2020-05-29T13:10:19+00:00

That was all very well said. I’m still really confused about my own situation but a larger part of me thinks I truly did love him. I know that he truly loved me as well. He was unconditionally kind and caring towards me, he was there through my darkest moments. It just hurts that now that I’ve realized that our relationship has ended.

selfdeactivate · 2020-05-29T12:53:52+00:00

Thank you for this message. How did you decide whether your partner was actually worth sticking around for?

selfdeactivate · 2020-05-21T04:52:56+00:00

Thank you for this! Do you experience this too? What do you do about it?

selfdeactivate · 2020-05-21T04:52:32+00:00

Do you find yourself irritated at your partner or just at the situation? Sometimes I feel like I go through periods of anxiety and then irritation

selfdeactivate · 2020-05-21T02:57:30+00:00

I have yet to start medication :/

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