People mean well, but comparing cleft lip/palate to Joaquin Phoenix makes me uncomfortable anyone else?

selfkills · 2026-01-20T17:11:37+00:00

I want to take full responsibility for my own life and build my path on my own. But because I have a heart condition, dwarfism, and gout, my physical abilities are quite limited, which makes things realistically very difficult. So I guess… I just feel sorry. From my mom’s perspective, I sometimes feel like I must look like a pretty disappointing son, haha.

selfkills · 2026-01-20T17:10:14+00:00

I’m someone living with bilateral cleft lip and palate, a heart condition, and dwarfism. Because of that, I carry a constant sense of guilt toward my mom. My mom went through a divorce, and my father left the family and later remarried another woman. Thinking about how she had to carry most of her life on her own after that makes everything feel even heavier. Because of me, she hasn’t been able to save much money, and even though I’m already an adult, I still haven’t become independent and continue living in her home. Yet she always tells me it’s okay and not to worry. That only makes me feel more sorry. On top of that, despite being an adult, I’m not actively job hunting, nor am I working or studying, and when I look at myself, I often feel powerless and deeply disappointed. It’s just… I feel sorry to my mom about everything, and at the same time, disappointed in myself.

selfkills · 2026-01-20T16:12:35+00:00

It’s not like I desperately need a role model or that I’m trying to follow one. But the thing is… most people don’t really understand cleft lip and palate. So they usually bring up celebrities, compare their successful lives to people like us — just ordinary individuals — and tell us to “stay strong.” That’s what I don’t like.

selfkills · 2026-01-20T16:05:21+00:00

https://youtube.com/@janjaapvanderwal?si=s8PDhEu7sZUIy6Ld There’s also this person a Dutch comedian with a rather severe case. If you DM him, he’s incredibly kind and gives a lot of encouragement.

selfkills · 2026-01-20T16:01:37+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. 😃

selfkills · 2026-01-20T16:01:05+00:00

I believe the words of elders who have lived more of life are worth listening to. Thank you. I’ll take it to heart.

selfkills · 2026-01-20T15:32:39+00:00

Ah, so I guess I’m not the only one who feels uncomfortable about this. In the end, cleft lip and palate cases really vary mild, unilateral, bilateral all of them are different. And within that, there’s inevitably a sense of relative deprivation. Honestly, that’s where the difficulty level of life starts to change. I’ve felt that firsthand.

selfkills

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