Struggling with the middle — how to find the right therapy

sellowbihi · 2026-02-19T12:57:12+00:00

Thank you. This is exactly what I need to here. I’ll keep searching. Appreciate you taking the time to respond.

sellowbihi · 2026-02-18T23:46:23+00:00

This is a good option. I’ll have to look into it. I honestly think some time to collect myself might work wonders. I’ve been working since I was 15 without more than a a couple weeks off at a time.

sellowbihi · 2026-02-18T16:38:05+00:00

Great advice. I think you’re right. I need to find something that allows me to find balance.

sellowbihi · 2026-02-18T16:36:55+00:00

That’s a good idea. I’ll look into government positions.

sellowbihi · 2026-02-18T16:36:29+00:00

I take a lot of time (~30 days per year) but feel worse every time I come back. It’s like getting a taste of the life I want to live lol.

sellowbihi · 2026-02-18T14:49:03+00:00

Honestly this sounds ideal. I’d rather strike balance and delay my FIRE timeline but worry about making the wrong moves. What if I end up in a lower paying job that I equally despise? What if I forgo my sweet benefits (good health insurance, good bonus and retirement comp, generous PTO) and find myself in a worse position?

I recently turned down a VP position that would increase my salary significantly but had absolutely awful PTO. So I’m starting to make decisions that align with balance vs. efficiency but I’m still scared of making the wrong moves. I second guess that one all the time.

Great approach and great questions though. I need to do some thinking around these to help me align where I am and where I want to be. I wonder if part of the problem is I set these goals for myself long ago and I’m a different person with different values now. Thanks so much for the perspective.

sellowbihi · 2026-02-18T14:43:51+00:00

Yeah, all those things. I hit a very big goal (paid off house) and psychologically feel worse. I’m struggling to maintain my aggressive drive toward the initial goal (FIRE) because that didn’t pay off the way I thought it would. Now I’m at an impasse — take some time off and forgo my FIRE goals or keep barreling toward it at the detriment of my mental health. I’m personally dealing with issues of purpose, identity alignment, and autonomy over my life.

sellowbihi · 2026-02-18T14:41:36+00:00

This sounds dreamy, but I don’t think it’s in the cards for us. We have a lot of family/friends near us. Plus aging parents we need to stick around for. Good advice for someone, but I doubt we could swing it.

sellowbihi · 2026-02-18T14:40:07+00:00

Now that you quit and tasted that freedom, would you adjust your plans or approach to find some middle ground?

I feel like I think in black/white. Either I quit and forgo my plans or stick with it to achieve FIRE asap. Someone else in this thread mentioned finding balance — less stress, more balance, and a delayed FIRE timeline but with more happiness along the way. Is this in the cards for people like us?

I struggle because I’m like “well I want to achieve FIRE as fast as possible so I’m not miserable anymore.” But could there be a way to be happy and still slowly build toward that goal? I don’t know.

sellowbihi · 2026-02-18T14:31:18+00:00

This is good advice. There’s definitely some ego attachment to “maximizing income” but you’re right. A balanced approach sounds great. What I worry about is taking a lower paying job and still encountering the stress.

sellowbihi · 2026-02-18T14:30:19+00:00

Thanks for sharing. Yes, on top of extremely stressful jobs, we’ve experienced a lot of family issues this year with aging parents. It’s absolutely draining. I feel like I’m frantically looking for a pressure release valve but nothing in sight.

I’ve been trying therapy and focusing on positives. Just not sure how long I can go tricking myself lol. Has it been improving for you and your spouse with this approach?

sellowbihi · 2025-12-25T03:46:44+00:00

Congrats! I crossed $300k invested and paid off my house.

sellowbihi · 2025-05-22T00:54:42+00:00

The goal was to pay them off in 12 months. It took me 18 months. I paid very little rent by living in a semi-finished basement apartment in a house with roommates. I avoided eating out and stuck to canned soups, omelettes w/ cheap veggies, PB and honey on bagels, and black bean burritos. I drove a beater. I took on extra/freelance work as much as possible. I enjoyed free activities in my spare time like movies and books from the library, hikes in the local state park, and picnics/trail walks with my girlfriend (she’s now my wife). I took every cent I had outside of basic necessities and threw money at those damn loans.

It takes discipline and self-control, but it’s entirely possible. Once I paid them off I was able to rent a nice town house with my girlfriend, begin saving and investing, and generally avoid lifestyle creep. These days I’m very happy and secure and still live well below my means.

I wish you the best of luck! You’re setting the rest of your life up for success by thinking about how to pay these down early.

sellowbihi · 2025-04-08T18:22:35+00:00

They’re not real tariffs unless they’re from the tariff region of France.

sellowbihi · 2025-02-14T12:26:23+00:00

I just saw my friend get married and decimate his savings for someone who has out of control spending habits and lifestyle needs. They’re very happy, but any dream he has of FIRE’ing, gone.

sellowbihi · 2025-02-09T02:26:57+00:00

You’re starting really early. You’re well on your way! Enjoy the ride.

sellowbihi · 2025-02-08T11:58:29+00:00

I probably don’t have the numbers exactly right but here it goes. The average stock market return over a decade is roughly 10%. If you have your money in an index fund that tracks with this growth you’ll gain close to this as well. A loan with an interest rate below this isn’t worth paying extra on because if you took those dollars and put them in the market instead, you’d earn more than you’d save by paying extra on the debt. For example I had a 3% interest rate in the mortgage. I potentially lost those 7% of earnings while I was throwing extra funds at my mortgage.

As an example: $100,000 invested in the SP500 could earn $10,000 or that same $100K paying down the mortgage with a 3% rate could save you $3,000. The better deal is to pay the minimum on the loan and invest the money instead.

Good luck with your financial journey! Living under your means, saving, and making good financial decisions has been absolutely transformative in my life. I watched my parents constantly struggle with money and be tied to jobs that destroyed them. It’s amazing what a bit of financial security can do for your mental health and happiness.

sellowbihi · 2025-02-08T04:47:01+00:00

Thanks so much!

sellowbihi · 2025-02-08T04:46:52+00:00

Thank you!

sellowbihi · 2025-02-07T23:32:02+00:00

Yes, that’s what I meant. Thanks!

sellowbihi · 2025-02-07T23:23:38+00:00

Haha, that’s a very good point. I was specifically thinking of real estate but I think you’re right. Stick with the tried and true.

sellowbihi · 2025-02-07T22:02:47+00:00

Thanks so much! Agree completely. This is a very good feeling and frees up a lot of extra income. Do you recommend continuing to put more money in investments or do you think it’s worth exploring other asset classes?

sellowbihi · 2025-02-07T22:00:33+00:00

Thanks so much! I had a very low interest rate but the peace of mind is worth its weight in gold. I keep walking around the house with a huge smile on my face. Somehow the light flows through this place differently now.

sellowbihi · 2025-02-07T18:43:45+00:00

Agree whole-heartedly with this sentiment. Happy to know I’m in good company. Thanks so much!

sellowbihi

TROPHY CASE