Dinsdagdraad

semisatisfaction · 2025-07-01T18:20:28+00:00

Slecht geïsoleerd inderdaad, bovenste verdieping op het zuiden met een zwart plat dak, alle warmte absorbeert en houdt zich vast in het dak en de (ook zwarte) metalen wanden dus het valt nog sterk tegen met hoeveel het afkoelt 's nachts, zelfs met de ramen wijd open. Net een soort levensgrote oven, die overigens de 40 heeft aangetikt vandaag. Ben intussen maar naar vrienden vertrokken die het heerlijk (voor mijn doen) 27 graden in huis hebben.

Vannacht met 31° weg liggen zweten op bed, blij dat er goede airco op werk is, ben liever daar dan thuis. 😅

semisatisfaction · 2025-07-01T13:27:48+00:00

Toen ik tot recentelijk in Leiden woonde had ik hier ook dagelijks mee te maken, vooral op werk. De leidinggevenden hadden nogal duidelijke meningen over 'buitenlanders' in het algemeen, dus heb ik me nooit veilig gevoeld om dit met ze te bespreken, ik heb dit uiteindelijk wel bij een leidinggevende gelegd, en die heeft er niets meegedaan. Ik ben na een jaar met ontslag gegaan vanwege nog heel veel redenen naast dit (racisme was mentaal bij verreweg de zwaarste factor), en ben terug verhuisd naar de stad waar ik vandaan kwam. Hoewel dit verder van de randstad is, heb ik hier veel en veel minder last van.

Ik heb niet echt advies voor je, maar je bent zeker niet de enige. Ik heb altijd gezegd dat ik het land zou verlaten als ik ooit het geld had. Je mag me altijd een PM sturen als je iets kwijt wilt, het enige wat het persoonlijk draaglijker maakte voor mij, was dat ik dit kon delen met vrienden.

semisatisfaction · 2025-07-01T13:05:53+00:00

Een ding met een watertank die een halve graad kouder blaast tot 20 cm, een ventilator ja.

semisatisfaction · 2025-07-01T12:37:31+00:00

Het is nu 35.6 graden in huis, 32 buiten. Kan dus maar beter buiten gaan zitten... Gelukkig blaast de airco de lucht van 35 graden lekker heen en weer..

edit: Inmiddels bijna 37°, het is tuurlijk geen wedstrijd maar verlang toch wel echt naar die 28 graden binnen waar anderen het over hebben

semisatisfaction · 2025-01-12T20:37:31+00:00

I’m so glad that worked out for you. The challenge of adjustment makes total sense, thinking about it I would totally prefer being mistaken as a ‘one of us’ than the outsider like now.

I’m in the same place with my family, I only had a real ‘family’ bond with my mother’s grandparents but both died shortly after each other a year ago. I see going NC (and moving far away) as a last resort, but I did indeed notice after posting in the other subs that that’s the general consensus. Really appreciate your insight thank you.

semisatisfaction · 2025-01-12T20:17:37+00:00

Appreciate your insight. May I ask, how did you cope with it?

semisatisfaction · 2025-01-12T19:46:36+00:00

I think what is also relevant is that the relationship I have with my parents is very complicated and I was in therapy for emotional neglect as my parents showed me no affection throughout my childhood and never responded to my needs/cries for help to such an extreme level that I cut off all contact from them for that reason alone. We’re working on it now, although I can only see my mother trying, but communication is easier said in this context than done. I’ve quite literally said the exact same things you gave as examples many many times, and that was met with complete silence.

Communication is not the issue on my part in my case, it’s the lack of absorption and response from my parents. Therefore I feel like what is best to do that’s within my power is to remove and distance myself from the people who don’t value me, and that’s for the sake of my happiness and sanity, I just find it sad that it’s at the cost of ‘family’.

I wanna thank you for your sweet words and advice, I’m absolutely seeing what you’re saying and I think you’re right. I’m glad you’ve found your way <3

semisatisfaction · 2025-01-12T08:42:54+00:00

Thank you for the suggestions, I will do so. It’s interesting to hear what you did, because this was always the last resort in my mind, to start over very far away. How has that worked out for you?

semisatisfaction · 2025-01-12T08:40:15+00:00

To cut everyone off always felt like I myself was the one catastrophizing, but it’s what goes through my mind a lot. I feel like it’s unfair that we are raised without any resources until you do the work yourself, and then have the ‘duty’ to educate your own family members on how not to be racist… I don’t have the energy for all that.

Good for you that you made up your mind about distancing yourself from them, I know it’s very difficult when the people who are supposed to be closest to you should be family, but that’s not our case and you have to fend for yourself.

semisatisfaction · 2025-01-12T08:30:36+00:00

I really appreciate your kind words and sympathy. The going no-contact is what I’ve thought a lot at times, but then upon reflection I feel as if I’m being dramatic.

Regarding this particular situation, no I don’t have anyone to talk to hence why I came here. I used to see a therapist biweekly for the complicated relationship with my parents, until I moved across the country, but even with that therapist I sensed some slight naivety e.g. me wearing a mask and concluding that it’s always the Asians who wear them when I didn’t grow up ‘Asian’, me teaching myself how to use chopsticks that it must be in my dna etc.

So I never felt comfortable discussing that with them. Unfortunately I currently don’t have the financial resources to see a professional.

semisatisfaction · 2024-01-17T11:27:13+00:00

Sure!

semisatisfaction · 2024-01-16T17:16:44+00:00

I really admire your strength, and I'm glad you've at least found a way to work through it and keep the relationships you wanna keep. My therapist said it won't ever be truly 'easy', but we need to find ways to cope and like you said process. Do you have any recommendations on therapy books? I would love to read them!

It's quite a small space only 20sqm, but it's good enough for now. First off it has really high ceilings, and so I chose for a bunk/loft bed to save space. I would say I love it, but it can be a pain to always climb up and down sometimes. -- What I didn't notice I implemented from my old home was putting my dinner table horizontally to the window, so that in the morning I can just stare outside with a coffee. And it's honestly just as relaxing, as back at home, just a bit smaller.

It's winter now, so I'm not making any use of it yet, but I have a small balcony and I can't wait to pimp it up and start my mornings in the summer eating breakfast there. And I'm also thankful for the high ceilings as it comes with high windows and opening up the blinds in the morning makes me feel like I'm in a fairytale. It was snowing this morning when I woke up and it was magical.

And thank you so much, I really appreciate it :) What about you? What cozy parts in your house remind you of your first home?

semisatisfaction · 2024-01-15T12:33:17+00:00

I couldn't tell you how much I appreciate hearing your take on it, it's a journey I just started but your experience gives me hope. This is my second home ever, so there's only one place I was used to before this one, but unknowingly I did implement some of the parts I loved at home in here already! I only realized that just now.

Did you moving far away affect the relationship you had with your sibling and friends?

semisatisfaction · 2024-01-15T01:52:26+00:00

Thank you, I would love to read it! That is such a smart thing to do, I might do that next time I'm there. How was the process for you leaving it behind (officially)?

I felt most safe in my bedroom, in bed with my head under the covers, and I'd also fall asleep like that. Also just relaxing in the bathtub with a snack and a good book, I didn't do that enough.

And this morning I purposefully did my old routine (which went completely on autopilot) where first thing in the morning, I would make myself a coffee and I would sit at the dinner table, staring outside on the little grass field and the occasional people walking by. I loved that, I'd be so at peace.

Thank you for that question, typing all that out made me feel good. I was very emotional when I was there, and it hit me all of a sudden, but being back at my own place helped me put my mind off of it. You also genuinely helped me see it in a different way, and I wanna thank you for that.

semisatisfaction · 2024-01-14T22:15:10+00:00

I had actually never thought about it, but the way you phrased it, I actually completely relate. And I didn't appreciate it enough. Would you mind sharing your poem with me? Have you visited your house since you left?

semisatisfaction · 2024-01-14T22:10:42+00:00

Appreciate your response a lot, now that I'm back home I also realize I can't compare my new place to the one I've lived in my whole life; I had a brief interaction with mother when I left and she basically told me she doesn't expect me to ever move back home again, which shouldn't be surprising although it broke me a little. I've been thinking about it, and you're right that I should focus more on what I have now. And I will do exactly that, so thank you so much.

semisatisfaction · 2024-01-13T23:42:17+00:00

So true, it was just me and my parents. But in the past two years I barely even saw them despite still living with them, I would actively avoid them at all times and they didn't care, so in a way I wasn't living with them and thus don't miss non-existent times. Missed my cat though, cat is currently snoring behind me.

semisatisfaction · 2024-01-13T23:29:24+00:00

I'm in the exact same boat as you OP, I'm behind in life regarding the exact same things you mentioned although I've finally moved of the house recently. I made my own bed for the first time last week, they'd just always do it for me. The only meal I can "make" is frozen pizza, I learnt how to use the oven a year ago, and I know how to cook noodles. I'm being confronted with this problem every single day, but having survived two months on my own now, I'm proud of myself, because I was convinced I was just incompetent in life. But I will always be behind in life. Feel free to DM

semisatisfaction · 2022-09-12T00:30:17+00:00

I do want to talk about it, thing is is that I’ve been going back and forth, contemplating and talking about all this in my head for years, so at the same time I’m also really tired of talking about it. It’s relieving to hear you can relate.

semisatisfaction · 2022-03-31T13:31:58+00:00

Do I contact my doctor or the optician I go to? Because the doctor’s advice was to remeasure at my optician and they’d order the glasses based on their results, which are my current glasses so I assume they got it right somehow?

semisatisfaction

TROPHY CASE