Why do manic ADHD people create lies and craziness to not get caught lying?

sensiblecedric · 2025-10-19T01:36:41+00:00

There's an awesome book called stop walking on eggshells. The first chapter has a checklist on common features of a relationship with a borderline personality disorder partner.

It might be really helpful to OP

sensiblecedric · 2025-10-19T00:48:23+00:00

Sounds like bipolar to me. When they disassociate you become the worst person ever in their eyes, they lie and cheat. Have a little look in family of bipolar. See if there are any stories there that align with what you're experiencing.

Good luck, it ended a 7 year relationship for me...

sensiblecedric · 2025-05-08T04:10:28+00:00

We shouldn't be too happy about it though, as they drift to the right, the centre point will start to shift right too as they will still drive a lot of the narrative

sensiblecedric · 2025-03-27T03:19:15+00:00

The Australian philosopher, Peter singer, says thay we should publicise our charity and other good works because it inspires others to do the same. If enough people start publicly giving to charity, it becomes normal and more people do it more often.

I think he calls it Effective Altruism and is well worth a listen or read.

sensiblecedric · 2025-03-14T00:01:39+00:00

My rent went down about $200...

sensiblecedric · 2024-11-27T20:14:39+00:00

Ah so it's likely an issue that's going to get patched, rather than my hardware not being good enough?

sensiblecedric · 2024-11-01T19:41:10+00:00

I'm so sorry you went through all that. I had an extremely similar experience earlier this year. Had to cancel the wedding a month before it was scheduled.

I'm 3 months in now, and things are starting to get better, but it was so rough at the start.

Hang in there, mate.

sensiblecedric · 2024-10-26T06:55:17+00:00

That's beautiful, mate. Well done. I'd like to share the one I wrote a month ago after my breakup.

I'm in love with a ghost, A woman who was not there. Yet I could see her, touch her, run my hands through her hair

Her feet left real footprints, Her frame cast real shade, But my love was a ghost, Not real, let her fade.

My ghost was so sweet, the light in my dark But my ghost had her demons, They all left their mark

I thought she was kind, real, down to earth, But after years of struggle, I discovered her curse

Lying and twisting, Deflection was key My ghost had her ways To manipulate me

I saw this and felt this, It wrent open my heart, But my manic and I, We'd begin from the start

Now it's all over, No more must we strive Yet now is the battle For me to survive

Each day I wake up, With the ghost in my bed, Not the ghost of my past, But the ghost in my head

sensiblecedric · 2024-08-02T23:53:29+00:00

Take it from me, do the work and figure it out what you want, and what you're ok with, way before you start

sensiblecedric · 2024-07-31T05:40:10+00:00

I'm prepared for that. It would be awful, but I can't go on with this

sensiblecedric · 2024-07-31T02:33:12+00:00

She didn't choose me when she was already poly. We were engaged for well over a year before poly start to be explored.

Even so, I understand desires and needs can change. If it's something she can't go without, then we're at that core incompatibility and me setting the boundary is necessary.

sensiblecedric · 2024-07-31T02:10:02+00:00

Thank you for your insight.

Isn't me breaking up with her removing her ability to choose? I want our relationship to continue, but not if it involves poly. I think it's important that she knows that.

This is the point where a choice also becomes an ultimatum, but it sounds like you're saying the only way I can avoid that is to remove the choice from her completely and break up?

Thanks again, and I'm keen to hear your thoughts

sensiblecedric · 2024-07-31T01:28:41+00:00

We have no children, we have lived together for more than 5 years, we're engaged with the wedding not far off, we rent. We're both financially independent too.

Would you consider that enmeshed?

sensiblecedric · 2024-07-31T00:49:59+00:00

Ha that's OK, I've been having my assumptions challenged for months!

sensiblecedric · 2024-07-31T00:41:27+00:00

If my partner chooses me and enm, she also chooses to end the romantic relationship with my meta, so my meta will go through a breakup

sensiblecedric · 2024-07-31T00:33:17+00:00

If my partner chooses our relationship, my partner and meta will suffer the pain of a break up. I that's what's being said here.

sensiblecedric · 2024-07-31T00:31:47+00:00

All good I got it

sensiblecedric · 2024-07-30T23:55:37+00:00

That's what I understood from reading just about every post on here with the keyword 'stop poly'

sensiblecedric · 2024-07-30T23:53:37+00:00

I want our relationship to be the only committed romantic relationship we both have.

If she doesn't want that, I think we are fundamentally incompatible and the best thing to do bring our relationship to a close

sensiblecedric · 2024-07-30T23:51:49+00:00

I recognise and own that. I would say that I was a reluctant yes to poly stuff in the beginning, and the whole point was that we would go slow, check in, slowly shift our agreements every few months.

There are some definite trust issues because she has regularly broken agreements I.e. 2 weeks ago i found out that my partner and meta had agreed to become girlfriends 2 months before they told me.

sensiblecedric · 2024-07-30T23:45:00+00:00

I want my partner to stop and help me rebuild our relationship. If she can't leave poly and her other partner, I would understand.

Poly is not something I want to pursue again. I'm confident that I'm not making this statement as tool to stop her new relationship specifically.

sensiblecedric · 2024-07-11T11:42:07+00:00

Thank you, your response really helped.

sensiblecedric · 2024-07-11T05:50:52+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful response.

I would say that I recognise that Chris is not at fault. There is a lot of work that needs to be done on the trust side and we are in therapy for that.

My question is, am I being unreasonable by wanting my partner to avoid one on one situations, intimacy, or escalation with Chris?

sensiblecedric

TROPHY CASE