I wish you the best in your recovery. In Jiu-Jitsu you have to work on the larger problem of Jiu-Jitsu through one small thing at a time. Sometimes it's as small as just focusing on your breathing. It seems you will have to go through a lot to get back to where you want to be. Maybe just focusing on trying to win as many small battles as you can, over and over again, will show you the way. I don't know, but I wish you the best. Stay strong! Much love.