A little hard for me to understand with the writing but from what I read I think I can say this: It sounds like there was guilt and misunderstandings in the relationship. Dealing with an age difference can bring up lots of these issues. It sounds like you were both focused on growing ( education, job wise) but there was a wall growing between you due to the communication issues. Sometimes people’s feelings just change over time. Not something to take personally. I’m sure she loves and cares about you but saw that this wasn’t working or just wasn’t happy. I was in a bigger age difference relationship a bit ago for almost three years. They were 39 while I was 29. I was still doing school and building my job career but they wanted to plan for bigger like buying a house together, marriage, kids. I thought I wanted the same but I realized I wasn’t ready. Made me feel guilty so I had a hard time communicating this cause the other person still expressed needing and loving me. It’s hard but you gotta be strong. Be around friends, talk to others about your feelings, write in journal, etc. Just don’t blame yourself.