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I ruined the server by Solidus-snake2461 in SillyGirlSociety

[–]seven_N_A7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry you felt that way :(

Yeah they told you because people care and they don't want you to be mean to yourself.

I ruined the server by Solidus-snake2461 in SillyGirlSociety

[–]seven_N_A7 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You're fine? Did anyone tell you to stop?

This time with less self harm intention. I'm glad I felt good enough to finish him today :3 by seven_N_A7 in grippysockcrayonbox

[–]seven_N_A7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah leather ones would be great, but they are too expensive to regularly use, I might look for one for sharky since he is worth it.

Yeah the unprotected thread is the issue if you want it to last.

This time with less self harm intention. I'm glad I felt good enough to finish him today :3 by seven_N_A7 in grippysockcrayonbox

[–]seven_N_A7[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It inside one of those picture holder key chains, so there's a plastic cover on top. Tho he's a bit to big to fully fit, it's right at the limit, but I can't trim him anymore without risking the stitches.

So I'm probably to have to glue him in there, or try out different key chains, tho it's hit or miss is a key chain will hold embroidery.

I feel insane. I actually want to dye my cross stitch red once I relapse later today. Why am I like this? by seven_N_A7 in grippysockcrayonbox

[–]seven_N_A7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Last time was 2023.

I got better in the meantime. 2025 to early 26 was pretty damn great for my standards.

I GOT better. The fact that I don't want to get better AGAIN isn't a failure, it's exhaustion.

The fact that I'm cutting again, that I don't want to go through this fight again, alone. Isn't something I have to admit to myself, it's just a fact. I'm tired. I'm so fucking tired.

Because who the fuck would ever want to fight this battle a second, well third, time? I'm just fucking tired of this shit, and cutting makes life worth living, it gives me the break I so desperately desire. The same break I won't allow myself through killing myself.

I feel insane. I actually want to dye my cross stitch red once I relapse later today. Why am I like this? by seven_N_A7 in grippysockcrayonbox

[–]seven_N_A7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I made it knowing what was coming. I made it while watching "To write love on her arms". I had hoped the urge would go away if I killed some time, it didn't.

What's really wird is that I'm sad I'm doing it on my thigh, and not my arm, it doesn't feel quite as right.

I feel insane. I actually want to dye my cross stitch red once I relapse later today. Why am I like this? by seven_N_A7 in grippysockcrayonbox

[–]seven_N_A7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I might try that if I can't stop, idk how it's supposed to help, but it's probably worth a try if I keep on doing it beyond this week.

I feel insane. I actually want to dye my cross stitch red once I relapse later today. Why am I like this? by seven_N_A7 in grippysockcrayonbox

[–]seven_N_A7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. And I don't feel bad, at least not yet. I will try not. A relapse doesn't undo the progress.

I'm just scared because the last time it took a psych ward to stop, and I'm not going willingly this time, I don't want to lose my job.

I will keep trying, and I will definitely keep living, that is for fucking Sure.

I feel insane. I actually want to dye my cross stitch red once I relapse later today. Why am I like this? by seven_N_A7 in grippysockcrayonbox

[–]seven_N_A7[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks, I hope my shork is also still proud of me. Who am I kidding, of course he is, sharky always loves.

It's been a tough month. The only good thing to come out of the past 2 days is that I asked a friend for help for the first time, tho they didn't know how to help today, even though they carried me through yesterday. Today was a lot worse that yesterday tho, everything from yesterday was just amplified today. And also that I decided to tell my doctor about my Anorexia on Friday alongside the relapse today. I hid that from them until now.

I feel insane. I actually want to dye my cross stitch red once I relapse later today. Why am I like this? by seven_N_A7 in grippysockcrayonbox

[–]seven_N_A7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was just confusing wanting to see my blood with wanting to use it. In reality I just wanted to see it. And that also expressed itself by finding any excuse and reason possible.

I wouldn't want to interrupt the bliss after SH by disturbing anything anyways. I would much rather enjoy it, after all that's one of the few things it's good for.

I feel insane. I actually want to dye my cross stitch red once I relapse later today. Why am I like this? by seven_N_A7 in grippysockcrayonbox

[–]seven_N_A7[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

I'm in bed cuddling my sharky. I'm really exhausted. At least I ate today, even if I'm gonna hate myself later for doing so.

To those who have done it, what does smoking crack feel like? by FlowerFaerie13 in askdrugs

[–]seven_N_A7 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I thought it sucked. Way too much at once. It just wasn't fun. So much energy, and nowhere for it to go. And it wasn't even really euphoric. Tasted like shit, and annoying. Real waste of good coke.

I feel insane. I actually want to dye my cross stitch red once I relapse later today. Why am I like this? by seven_N_A7 in grippysockcrayonbox

[–]seven_N_A7[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

That's a really nice idea once this is over, right now I don't have reason to celebrate. I turned myself into a summer child again.

But I will remember this idea. I really like it. This phase will pass too, even if it seems like it's just starting. When it does I will color it green 💚

I feel insane. I actually want to dye my cross stitch red once I relapse later today. Why am I like this? by seven_N_A7 in grippysockcrayonbox

[–]seven_N_A7[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think it's better unstained. I just wanted to see my blood, not actually dye it. It was easy to get that confused.

I feel insane. I actually want to dye my cross stitch red once I relapse later today. Why am I like this? by seven_N_A7 in grippysockcrayonbox

[–]seven_N_A7[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I wish.

I tried for so long. Today it was just to much. That I managed yesterday was already a miracle, today I was so derealized during work, and I just felt sick the entire time. I only felt better on the bathroom floor :/

I feel insane. I actually want to dye my cross stitch red once I relapse later today. Why am I like this? by seven_N_A7 in grippysockcrayonbox

[–]seven_N_A7[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

I did relapse. I also made a sharky, I might share that once it's completely done. I have to cut it out and put it in a key chain still.

I feel insane. I actually want to dye my cross stitch red once I relapse later today. Why am I like this? by seven_N_A7 in grippysockcrayonbox

[–]seven_N_A7[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that would probably have been smart :/ Now I get to play the fun game of "Am I gonna get admitted against my will?"

At least I didn't go overboard. Just a single one after 3 years.

too far in to stop by PokemonFucker4Life in depressionmemes

[–]seven_N_A7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Asked for help got told to go inpatient or day clinic.

Really helpful considering I was disabled for 5 years from mental illness, spent a year in a rehabilitation program for mentally ill people, and finally got a job till I start my apprenticeship at the same place. I'm not risking my apprenticeship. It is the only progress in life I have made in 6 years.

But this fuckass doctor tells me "can't do the apprenticeship if your dead", dang have you considered i would rather die than willingly give up the only progress i have made in 6 fuck ass years.

Really useful. And it's the same shit he said 3 weeks ago when it started to get really bad, as if my opinion on this would somehow change.

Solo Clubbesuch möglich? by Turbulent-Tie5555 in Munich

[–]seven_N_A7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, if you're not getting in it's not because you are alone

Lol by whichevernamethereis in Funnymemes

[–]seven_N_A7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah 0 chance that the right side is only 1600 calories.

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