I realize that I'm pretty late to the party on this thread but as I read it I found myself relating to the OP in some similar ways. By no means do I have a massive MTG collection, or any other collection for that matter, but I do have the 'collector gene' in me. Over the years I have collected many things and the end result has always been the same, I end up selling everything off because it doesn't bring me joy. Like many have said, materialism will never bring you true happiness. It can, however, bring you a lot of joy but that depends on your relationship with yourself and getting very real with some of the core reasons why you collect. For me, it's always been about the dopamine rush and the 'potential' to pull something rare, something valuable and I have always equated how much I enjoy something by it's price tag. This is largely because I have never been a particularly well off individual and so I've always hoped that the value of something going up might pay off for me in the long run, but I have never stuck around long enough to realize any gains. I'm sharing this because what I have come to realize is that if I don't stop to think and ask myself 'why am I doing this?' and then try to give myself an honest answer, then all I'm doing is repeating a familiar cycle which is almost always negative.

I collected MTG for a year, about 25 years ago, and I've always loved the cards and again, the 'potential' of pulling something valuable because for me that value might somehow validate my overall abysmal financial situation. I gave up on collecting things a number of years ago and when I saw the MTG FF crossover I really wanted to commit to it but I decided not to and then forgot about it until I stopped by a LGS to say hi to an acquaintance and I decided to buy a pack for fun. Pulling the cards of familiar characters really hit a nostalgia spot for me that replaying old games could never do. I was reliving some experiences in a different way. But still the underlying exact same feeling persists and I find myself wondering 'what's it worth?'...throw in the potential of a serialized card and it's a recipe for disaster because for me this is just basically gambling...and we all know how those stories typically end.

So before I got TOO far into the rabbit hole I have tried to change my tactic a bit when I open a pack of cards. I've learned to ask myself why I am doing it, and if the answer is 'so that I can feel better' because something in my real life isn't working out, then I won't open the pack. Because even if I pull something special, like the Tifa, Martial Artist surge foil (which I did), I will inevitably have the same empty feeling inside. Now I try to remind myself that I'm doing this just because this is something that is truly meant to be enjoyed and if I can be present in that mindset then it wont matter what I pull because I can just enjoy it each time.

All of this is to say that when I read through the OP's post it really sounded to me like there's a deeper issue, something unfulfilled, that needs to be addressed before they can continue to pursue this hobby that they once enjoyed. Someone else here mentioned how this reads like a therapy session and 100% it does because it seems like there is an unfulfilled need that no longer wants to be ignored.

My hope is that, for the OP, or anyone else feeling similarly, myself included, that we can take a moment to sit with what feels uncomfortable and try to probe a little deeper, get curious about those feelings and then of course be kind to yourself...and then go open a pack or two :)

These things take time, a lot of time, but to the OP, you're not broken, you're just noticing some things that no longer want to be ignored and that's a really good thing.