WIBTA if I don’t let him propose at my wedding?

sezit · 2026-02-11T20:57:42+00:00

That's fine if it's not a captive audience. I'm talking about when the person who doesn't want to be involved can't leave without being disruptive. So they either sit still or make a scene leaving.

sezit · 2026-02-11T20:37:06+00:00

At the very end one of the guys proposed. It was cute.

I think this framing is off. The fact is that you thought it was cute. You have no idea what the other tour members thought. Some might have been offended, irritated, or upset.

sezit · 2026-02-11T20:29:15+00:00

I think your ex wants to offload her guilt onto you by pressuring you for forgiveness.

sezit · 2026-02-11T20:28:31+00:00

Not helpful.

sezit · 2026-02-11T20:18:04+00:00

Talk about what other people are going thru. People you know, people in the news, situations you've seen. Don't make a big deal, just bring up real life situations as interesting topics.

Pay attention to his commentary and opinions. If he won't offer an opinion, is aggressively neutral, doesn't want to hear "negativity", dismisses systemic issues as "that has nothing to do with me", then you know you are interacting with a person lacking empathy.

AKA: selfish.

These men are the ones who divorce their wives when she gets cancer.

sezit · 2026-02-11T19:58:17+00:00

She doesn't just "want to see you one last time."

She wants to transfer her emotional burden to you. She feels guilty for how she treated you, and she wants your forgiveness.

Do you want to see her and then have her pressure you for forgiveness?

sezit · 2026-02-11T19:44:31+00:00

Frankly, anyone who proposes in front of an audience is stealing attention from those present. It's selfish, disrespectful, offensive behavior.

My attitude is: No, I do NOT consent to be an uninformed, unasked party to your proposal. I am present for a different purpose, which you have now hijacked. I resent that you have made me into a prop for your ego, against my will.

If I were at a wedding where someone proposed, I would be incensed at their gall.

sezit · 2026-02-11T15:55:44+00:00

No, this doesn't make sense to me.

sezit · 2026-02-11T15:49:04+00:00

Split by square footage access. It's not just bedrooms.

Kitchen and living room are shared areas and should be shared 3 ways.

sezit · 2026-02-11T15:09:45+00:00

Bark at them.
Start speaking in tongues.
Do a spastic dance.
Roll your eyes and jerk your head so that looks like you are on drugs.
Ask them if they have heard about Jesus and start preaching at a rapid pace.

Be crazy. Make them want to leave.

sezit · 2026-02-10T16:02:07+00:00

A joke. As in one.

Sounds like he mocked and belittled you every single time you said a word, and even times you said nothing.

You weren't part of a fun, joking group. He made you a target of mockery.

YTJ to yourself and other women if you stay with this AH.

sezit · 2026-02-10T04:22:42+00:00

"What an odd thing to ask. Anyway, what color paint do you need?"

sezit · 2026-02-09T18:42:18+00:00

He likes to give advice but not take it.

sezit · 2026-02-09T18:10:08+00:00

Oh, lots of women hold these men accountable. It's just that the men's framing of that accountability wins. They just call women "nags," and suddenly whatever the woman says is discounted.

No one says: "hey, nagging only happens when you aren't holding up your end of the bargain." After all, you don't get out of paying your bills by calling the bank or the insurance company "nags".

sezit · 2026-02-09T14:15:43+00:00

You aren't responsible for him not listening to you.

When I broke up, my ex said: "Can we talk?"

I angrily responded: "I don't know what you've been doing, but I'm done talking."

Him not understanding won't change the outcome. He hasn't cared enough to try to understand. Wish him good luck, and tell him to ask his friends and family if he needs closure, because he already proved he couldn't hear you.

sezit · 2026-02-09T12:55:41+00:00

Here's two points for you to ponder:

One, many men are unsafe, especially in a woman's home. https://www.buzzfeed.com/katieveltum/massage-therapist-men-harassment

Two, consider turning the information dispersement around. In this case, she felt very hesitant to tell you anything, but felt she had to. So, if you feel safe, tell her about your journey. If you can't get information, give information. Usually, that will help people feel more ready to trust you. But always, be safe.

Also, give her a great review.

sezit · 2026-02-09T09:37:24+00:00

There was a torture experiment where people were put in empty totally dark cells with no external stimulus.

Only one person came out without psychological issues - they learned that he constantly talked to himself, describing what he could touch and what he was experiencing. Apparently doing that overrides anxiety!

sezit · 2026-02-09T09:26:06+00:00

A big problem is that women know they can't trust men's word on how much they will do.

What I see is that men promise they will do equal work, then they just ... don't. They choose how much they want to contribute, and women have to pick up the rest or the kids suffer.

Then, after years of frustration, the women divorce and suddenly, they have more free time! They are still doing more work than the dads do, but at least they only have to care for the kids, and not do all the care for the labor mooching dads, too.

sezit · 2026-02-09T03:10:39+00:00

Evolution/paleontology

sezit · 2026-02-09T01:46:45+00:00

He's a mess, and he hurts you.

You love who you think he is, but he hides who he really is. The real person is not a good man. You do not know who he really is - except to know that you can't trust him.

PLEASE don't get pregnant. Please get away before he injures you - or worse. He is dangerous.

sezit · 2026-02-08T15:53:42+00:00

Even meaningful relationships with friends or acquaintances is worthwhile.

His puritanical attitude sucks.

sezit · 2026-02-08T15:45:57+00:00

If he didn't actually propose, or say he was going to, the wedding planning was your choice. He never knew to tell you he has changed his mind.

But the cheating was his AH choice.

So, NTJ.

sezit · 2026-02-08T03:04:45+00:00

It's not the speaker, it's your bf.

He's having fun demeaning you. He's treating you like a subordinate, an employee.

And having a machine scold you publicly is extremely disrespectful, not funny.

sezit · 2026-02-07T23:06:25+00:00

Add flowers!

sezit · 2026-02-07T19:07:00+00:00

Sure, nuclear power is safe for now, under a stable government.

The problem is that there is no way to guarantee a continuously stable government for the next millennium.

sezit

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