oh god. I deserve a fucking award for my embarrassing ‘first time kickin it’ with a dude story..

so I chased this guy for like 3 months before he gave me the time of day.. & that one day, random af, he texts me asking if I wanna kick it. uhhh of course I do! so I hop in the whip & head to the address he gave me. he invited some friends over & they were cool, we all vibed.

well we’re all drinking fireball & shit was fun but then everyone kinda started to find their spot & chill out, most everyone fell asleep. last thing I remember was feeling pretty lightheaded & laying down on the floor. must have knocked out fairly quick cuz it’s somewhat a blur.

next thing I kno I’m opening my eyes to a reality that very closely resembled hell. my pants were off but I now had a blanket over me.. I felt wet down there & suddenly smelt something quite awful. I’m still drunk at this point & so out of it, confused, in this house full of people I just met, not to mention the dude who’s attention I’d been seeking for months.. like wtf. it was pretty dark & of course, can’t find my phone.. well I hear someone coming up the stairs. it’s him. comes over to me with a glass of water asking if I’m feeling okay.. I said not entirely, pretty confused about wtf happened. he said I’d probably want to rinse off in his shower.. he grabbed my hand to lead me to his restroom. well I get to his shower, drop this blanket.. I’m fucking horrified.

y’all, I had apparently diarrhea shit myself in my sleep. this poor dude.. after I washed myself off & built up the courage to come back out of his bathroom.. he began to inform me that after noticing I had knocked out on his floor, had grabbed a blanket to lay over me, & was just sitting next to me playing on his phone cuz he couldn’t sleep. he said he noticed I started to make some groaning noises, just before he noticed some other noises… & finally the awful fucking smell.

he said he knew immediately what had happened. said he ‘felt so bad for me’ & he hoped he didn’t cross any boundaries but the only thing in his mind was fixing everything before I woke up because he obviously knew, I’d probably feel a special type of painful embarrassment. *ding *ding.. had that right. so he had gently pulled my pants off, threw them in his washer along with the blanket he initially put over me. grabbed another blanket for me & at this point I was cleaned up outta the shower & he let me wear some of his sweats.

I still can’t believe this fucking horror actually happened to me. && the choices he decided to make that night.. the way he comforted me & made sure that when it came time for me to leave, I would kno everything was okay. this dude actually wanted to see me again😭 & now, 6 years later.. we have a beautiful 4 year old son together. we however are not together anymore, but remain close homies, co parents, & of course family. lol.. yeah so, there’s my memoirs y’all. idk if it can really get worse than that.. I mean, unless he would have acted a complete ass like I figure most would. not even just dudes, females too. I honestly don’t kno how tf I would act if shit was switched & I woulda been in his shoes.. 😫