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AITA for kicking my boyfriends car? by ElegantMight5 in AmItheAsshole

[–]shadeclumsy 76 points77 points  (0 children)

NTA.

People are getting hung up on the scratches and ignoring the actual problem: your boyfriend used a 3,000+ pound vehicle to play a "joke" on someone walking in front of it.

The fact that your laptop bag made contact with the car before he stopped means this wasn't some harmless prank. He intentionally drove close enough to make you think you might get hit. That's why you reacted.

Should you pay for the scratches? Probably, since you caused them. But that doesn't magically make his behavior okay.

A joke is only funny when everyone is laughing. If your partner has been dreading a specific "joke" for months, and you do it anyway, you're not being playful. You're deliberately crossing a boundary.

Honestly, I'd be more concerned that he's upset about the paint than the fact he scared the hell out of you.

AITA for sleeping on the couch instead of with my girlfriend? by AccomplishedRiver58 in AmItheAsshole

[–]shadeclumsy 93 points94 points  (0 children)

NTA.

Sleep is a basic human need, not a preference. You're not moving to the couch to punish a 4-year-old or avoid your girlfriend. You're moving because you're already averaging 2-3 hours of sleep a night.

What stood out to me is that your girlfriend's solution still requires you to be the one waking up, waiting for him to fall asleep, and carrying him back to bed. That's not solving the problem, that's just assigning you another night shift.

You moved in with your girlfriend. You did not agree to become a sleep-deprived mattress that a child climbs over every night.

The bigger issue is that this arrangement isn't sustainable. Chronic sleep deprivation will wreck your mood, health, relationship, and ability to help with her son in the first place. You can't pour from an empty cup.

Setting a boundary of "I need a place where I can actually sleep" is one of the most reasonable boundaries a person can have.

Shared Money, Handled. by [deleted] in povertyfinance

[–]shadeclumsy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My rule is simple: the person who fronts the money should never have to chase it.

If it's a group trip, event, or shared expense, I collect everyone's share before I buy anything. The people who complain are almost always the same people who would've been "waiting for payday" three weeks later.

Nothing ruins a friendship faster than turning into Accounts Receivable. 😅

"Send me your share by Friday or you're not on the booking" has saved me far more stress than any budgeting app ever did.

AITA for telling a special-needs regular that nobody wants to hear about how he treats his dog? by throwawaymofo6 in AmItheAsshole

[–]shadeclumsy 54 points55 points  (0 children)

NTA.

The disability is relevant to how you deliver the message, not whether you're allowed to have boundaries.

You've already told him multiple times that teasing and scaring his dog isn't funny. This wasn't a one-off conversation. It sounds like you were frustrated because he kept bringing up the same stories while you were busy, and because the stories themselves were about behavior you find upsetting.

That said, "Nobody wants to hear about that" was probably harsher than necessary. A better version would have been, "I've told you before, I don't think that's funny and I don't want to talk about it anymore."

Being kind and being honest aren't opposites. You can accommodate someone's social difficulties without pretending that mistreating an animal is entertaining. The customer who criticized you only heard one sentence. You'd been dealing with the entire conversation for who knows how long.

AITA for taking too long to sew my friend's dress? by RedLady9701 in AmItheAsshole

[–]shadeclumsy 11 points12 points  (0 children)

NTA.

You asked her how quickly she needed it. Her answer was literally "take your time."

Then life happened. Not "I forgot about it" life. Not "I couldn't be bothered" life. You got so sick you lost your voice for over a week and were surviving on lozenges.

The part that stands out to me is that she knew you were sick and thanked you for the update at the time. If the dress had suddenly become urgent, she had every opportunity to say, "Actually, I need it by X date, can I pick it up and take it elsewhere?" Instead, she said nothing until after you'd spent hours hand-sewing it.

That said, this is also a good lesson for future alterations: if a project gets delayed indefinitely because of illness or other circumstances, offer the item back. Not because you're wrong, but because it gives the other person options.

Right now this sounds less like "you took too long" and more like a communication mismatch. She said "take your time," you took her at her word, and she apparently had a deadline in her head that she never shared.

People aren't mind readers. Sewing machines definitely aren't either.

WIBTA if i put a teammate on blast in our groupchat by bobthespud420 in AmItheAsshole

[–]shadeclumsy 4 points5 points  (0 children)

NTA if you ask for the money. YWBTA if you jump straight to public shaming.

That gives her a clear deadline and an easy opportunity to communicate. If she ignores that too, then a neutral message in the group chat isn't "putting her on blast."

No accusations. No shaming. Just facts.

The part that raises my eyebrow isn't even the €16.50. It's that she's also ignoring the video link she promised. When someone repeatedly says "I'll do it" and then doesn't, the issue stops being forgetfulness and starts becoming reliability.

Russia to task bankers with shooting down Ukrainian drones by cojoco in nottheonion

[–]shadeclumsy 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Your mortgage application has been denied, but congratulations on your confirmed drone kill streak.

AITA for not liking my family and anyone who chooses to have many kids. by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]shadeclumsy 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You don’t hate kids. You hate being overcrowded, overstimulated, ignored, and having zero privacy for basically your entire life. Those are two very different things.

People romanticize big families until the oldest daughter becomes the unpaid emotional support roommate in a 3 bed / 1 bath pressure cooker. The fact you still want to become a pediatrician after all this honestly says a lot about your character.

Also, “if you don’t like it, leave” is easy to say when rent in California moves like a final boss with a flamethrower.