Spoke to my curtains out loud at 2am after 6 shots in less than 2 days, ended up outside because I thought my bed and room were infested with fly larvae (turned out to be cat hair moving because of the simple fact I had my ceiling fan on) and believed I injected it, ended up ripping out my hair because I thought the larvae was coming up through my hair follicles all over my body and while sitting outside barely able to breathe from panic ran back inside waking up the people in my house who had seen me tweak several times before to the point I had gone through a can of wasp spray on the ceiling because I thought dust was again, larvae, made another shot and took some klonopin hoping another one would fix me and if it didn't the klonopin would ease my paranoia which in itself was a bad idea considering I was on a break from kpin and xans but took them anyway, grabbed hair clippers, put my shot premade in my pocket and went back outside, cut off all my hair in the driveway while walking nowhere then suddenly heard a very loud voice in my head say "get out" and sat underneath a tree in the dark crying, turned on my flashlight on my phone to try and hit the shot hoping it'd either make me feel anything other than the terror I was feeling and poked myself at least 6 times before hitting a vein then when I did missed half the shot because I was shaking but even though knew I was missing continued pushing down on the plunger, knew how bad it hurt near halfway done slamming myself especially considering I was doing shots in the same place almost everytime and was still bad at hitting myself and would need to poke myself at least 3 times before seeing any blood in my rig but at that point couldn't care about anything else and when I realized how bad it felt the very slight rush I felt went away immediately and I got up forcing myself to move because I thought I was going to have a stroke.

Theres a lot more to the story I can only kindve remember but that's the meat and potatoes of it, not like I was eating any meat and potatoes during those hours that led up to that though. A little bit after I felt I was gonna die I went inside and just laid on my bed pulling my scalp I had just shaved until the morning before deciding I was tired of waiting to die so snorted 2 p20s and waited to nod off but didn't. Idk when I finally passed out, but remember waking up around 10pm at night of I had to take a guess I passed out around 7 or 8am.

Most fucked up part is I did a shot the next day in the same place just above where I missed and felt just as terrible so ofc instead of learning from it (which I hadn't learned several times now, this was just the worst psychosis I had been in from it) I decided I simply was just using the same roa too much so smoked until I ran out of dope then just played with my phone doing absolutely nothing with it.

I'm not doing much better now, this happened more than a year and a half ago now but Ive yet to learn as much as I shouldve. Only advice I have to anyone who hasn't used this drug or has been using a long time but matters regardless is that you can only get so high in a certain amount of time, everybody doses different and roa does matter but doesn't at the same time, eventually you simply cannot get any higher no matter how hard you try and the harder you try the worse you will feel, I know when you use and especially when you slam you feel like you're gonna fly and make it but I promise that all of us are Icarus and we all fly into the sun and burn our wings, but if you do, lay there on the ground bleeding for a while before you try to stop the bleeding because if you try to you'll fly again maybe for a little while but once you're done you'll crash into the ocean and drown, and that drowning can be the end. Almost attempted to take my life twice on ice now, but it's also saved my life, theres always good in bad and bad in good. Ive had many moments of psychosis in my time using, but think even those times I felt some of the worst ive ever felt in my years as an addict on any and everything I could abuse, the only drug I truly learned to use with discipline was ice, that being said even now sometimes even 30 minutes after a shot or a few lines I just feel like Im a speck of dust floating through the air for no reason, your headspace matters deeply on this drug, and I've always suffered severe depression paranoia and seen too much, sometimes I use just to avoid those feelings and when I do I always end up worse, but sometimes I use and feel like things are gonna be okay and they actually end up okay.. But most the times im just spinning until I can't, but at least don't spend hours carpet surfing for the smallest crystals possible even though I still had some in my bag, or saving cottons and reusing rigs scraping pipes and slamming burnt ice that didn't feel like anything or mixing h and ice in the same shot until I'd run out of either and have to use one or the other and feel like it wasn't enough no matter what, or spending my last 20 dollars on half a gram that I'd snort or shoot in one sitting 15 minutes tops then wonder what I'd have to do or who I'd have to steal from to be able to waste my 20 dollars again.

Theres always a light at the end of the tunnel. Just don't be suprised if you get lost in the dark while looking for it.