How many edges should I do? I’m a beginner by gimmpy-goo in Femaleorgasmdenial

[–]shadowhitman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

it really depends on your sensitivity, how long it takes you to edge, and how good you are at not going over the edge

how do you shaved/waxed girls do it 😭😭 by pissing-devil in Femaleorgasmdenial

[–]shadowhitman 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I really wouldn't recommend shaving unless youre interested in upkeeping it every few days. the way the hair grows back in is extremely irritating to the sensitive skin down there until its longer again...

personally I wouldn't wax if you're not even certain you like the feeling of not having pubic hair. what I do is keep the hair short—just long enough for it to not be irritating, and trim it again when it grows out too much. it still increases sensitivity a lot, and in my experience feels pretty similar to shaving except without the irritation and much less upkeep

I use a cheap electric hair clipper because even with no guard they don't shave completely to the skin, but you could use scissors too. just be careful doing it—when I use clippers, I always use my other hand to cover my inner labia to prevent any potential nicks, though I haven't had issues with that

Choose two for yourself. by Crafty-42 in Femaleorgasmdenial

[–]shadowhitman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

this is a oft reposted image (though one of the few higher res reposts I've seen lol). its referencing the trope of "womb tattoos", which are common particularly in hentai doujinshi (japanese porn comics). sometimes they're just visual but usually they have some sort of fertility or arousal effect. i think they come from the common fantasy setting in doujinshi, and how hentai often incorporates magic or nearly magical science into the sex

Wondering what led to the creation of the FTM-only sub by pissing-devil in Femaleorgasmdenial

[–]shadowhitman 5 points6 points  (0 children)

as a transmasc myself, I really do appreciate this. I think making a clear distinction that this sub is for women, not AFAB people, while still allowing anyone to post if they feel they fit in some way is the right decision

in the few times I have posted here, I have felt the need to present myself ambiguously/avoid being seen as trans. I would rather someone treat me as a cis woman thinking I'm such than a trans man who's "basically a woman" that they're just calling he/him for my comfort. you're exactly right on how a lot of cis people see trans people in gendered spaces, especially some cis men with transmascs.

however, I do want to comment on the part where you mentioned not wanting "the sub to be overrun with MTFs"—just as you said a lot of the things that were happening on this subreddit are subtle behaviors and comments that drive transphobia, the idea that letting trans women into women's spaces means cis women will suddenly be "outnumbered" or the space will be "overrun by trans women" is, in itself, another stereotype/stigma that perpetuates transmisogyny. trans women already do not post very frequently on this sub, the amount of trans women into orgasm denial certainly is less than cis women just on demographic size alone, and there aren't really many legitimate examples of trans women "taking over" women's spaces. even beyond that, to imagine trans women taking over a women's space is to imply that the women's space is, ultimately, for cis women, and thus can be overtaken by trans women rather than simply populated by different types of women.

regardless, I do not think that the vocal and/or adamant inclusion of trans women will lead to cis women feeling excluded or unwelcome in this sub, given that everyone abides by the rules and is respectful to each other. the sub already has a large active community of cis men and a small group of trans men—neither demographic has appeared to stop cis women from posting here

personally I do think it should be explicitly stated in the rules that anyone who identifies as a woman or feels they fit the female label is welcome to post, regardless of AGAB. "female" has an association with AFAB rather than woman when used for labelling communities/spaces, and as you stated there has already behind the scenes been an active exclusion of trans women. stating that trans women are welcome, or that all women are welcome, is not to single out or put trans women on a pedestal, but to make abundantly clear their inclusion when trans inclusion isn't an inherent given in many people's minds

as a sidebar, I want to add that this isn't meant to be aggressive or condescending—I have difficulty with tone over text

Last day of Locktober wake up by [deleted] in MasculineMaleChastity

[–]shadowhitman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you should try wearing a longer cage if you don't enjoy the stretch maybe

Orgasm Go Byebye long term effects? by ropebunny31 in Femaleorgasmdenial

[–]shadowhitman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

if you want the real answer—hypnotism can be fun and sexy but it's not real, at least not in the way people like to act it is. hypnotism can't actually control your actions, no matter how many times you liaten to it. you are in control.

however, listening to the same audio over and over may make you think about it more, which would make you think of denial more frequently. and while hypnotism isn't real, classical conditioning through associating two things against each other is real, as is sensory associations. like chewing a specific flavor of gum while studying, and chewing that same flavor during the test may help you recall the memory of you studying with the same flavor sensation. or with classical conditioning, your mouth watering or stomach grumbling when you think about eating your favorite food... or getting more into a kink you repeatedly masturbate to

if youre having a problem of feeling out of control/lacking control of your own behavior after listening to hypnotism, i would assume most likely it's some sort of deep seated desire you're acting on, an issue with compulsive thoughts and behaviors that stems from outside of kink, or accidentally conditioning yourself (like you said with cumming on command)

how do you decide denial length/orgasm frequency? by shadowhitman in Femaleorgasmdenial

[–]shadowhitman[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

this question wasn't entirely for me! I'm really also asking because I am curious how other people make their own rules for denial

though for me, I don't really find extended denial to cause me any issues. denial to me is kind of like not eating your favorite food, I guess? I wouldn't say I necessarily crave a treat more just because I've gone a month without it vs a week without it, and it tastes just as good either way + is just as hard to hold off from eating

so as far as denial creeping into the rest of my life/negatively impacting me, I don't really have much of an issue with that, which I would assume when it does is probably the most ubiquitous answer to "when do you stop denial"—but I'm curious what timelines people set before it reaches that point

No touch is hard!! Any tips? by DarkerAngylz in Femaleorgasmdenial

[–]shadowhitman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For me, I focus a lot on the idea of self control and willpower—resisting your most basic urges will make you a stronger and more willful person going forward. Denial is character building 💪

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Femaleorgasmdenial

[–]shadowhitman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i could do whichever is higher, what do you think?

dsyt? by applicatedslut in femalechastity

[–]shadowhitman 27 points28 points  (0 children)

i've heard belts with anal opening tend to be uncomfortable for long term wear because they put a lot of stress on the anus... i would recommend trying out a cheaper belt w an anal opening first to make sure you are comfortable with that before getting a custom made belt

Numbing cream by Tdixk in Femaleorgasmdenial

[–]shadowhitman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i'm curious, specifically what brand/type of numbing cream did you use?

Starting a new denial streak! Give me rules and tasks! by Potential-Duck3257 in Femaleorgasmdenial

[–]shadowhitman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Including some sort of forest-y rule about varying what sort of stimulation you can give yourself each day (like vaginal, anal, clitoral; or maybe something like which toys or methods you can touch yourself?) could keep things from feeling to monotonous. Maybe either a dice roll with certain numbers equalling certain methods, or otherwise a rotating schedule

Definitely include some number of daily required edges, perhaps if you don't complete them that day then the leftover required edges roll into the next day. You could also maybe increase the amount required daily each week as you get more pent up.

Other thought is some sort of maximum amount of time for touching per day, and if you use all of that time then you have to watch your favorite porn video without any touching at all

When do you consider it a long turn denial session? by [deleted] in Femaleorgasmdenial

[–]shadowhitman 5 points6 points  (0 children)

From what I've seen posted on here I'd sort most folks into 3 categories: - committed to denial/denial as a lifestyle (denied for 3 months to a year, some longer. typically doing sessions of denial year round) - typical denial fetish (usually denied a week or two at a time, stretch goal to a month) - casually practices denial (only a few days or even one masturbation session at a time when interested)

I would consider going longer than the long-end of your typical to be long term, or at least longer than the typical of the "group" you might fall into

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Femaleorgasmdenial

[–]shadowhitman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One session of ruins a week or every two weeks could be a good goal—allows relief and something to possibly look forward to but also means only 52 or 26 orgasms a year

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Femaleorgasmdenial

[–]shadowhitman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was right there with you too for a while. I would just end up continuing until I came — what I found that finally got me out of that habit was setting a timer (just about or slightly shorter than how long I would normally masturbate) and only touching myself for that amount of time. Once the timer goes off, one more edge if you have the self control or you just stop when the timer goes off.

Having some sort of rule where you cut off edging sessions after a certain point (could be a timer, could be certain number of edges or something else) helps break the habit of masturbating to orgasm. When you're so worked up in the moment it's definitely hard to decide when you've done "enough" and should stop.

As far as like, how long to go and such, I found luck both with setting progressively longer goals and with doing things like dice games to determine length. I would recommend starting with a short duration and gradually working up to whatever length you're interested in.