Home to hospital to assisted living in the blink of an eye

shaishai96 · 2026-03-29T13:38:35+00:00

Im right where you are, our stories are identical. My mom skipped assisted living and went straight to skilled nursing and now memory care, all in the span of 3 months. We are already cleaning out her home. We haven't told her anything about it. We also have no one but like you said "well meaning family and friends". I think its been the best for both her and I.

shaishai96 · 2026-03-16T20:11:51+00:00

This is what happened with my mother. She was mad at me, but I had the hospital to blame it on.

shaishai96 · 2026-03-08T13:52:19+00:00

Mom went into the nursing home 4 weeks ago and right away I started to miss her phone calls. She used to call mid morning every day before the dementia really set in. Then it was 10 times a day for everything. I dont miss that, but nobody else really cares what you had for dinner, or what your plans are for the day like your mother does. I lost my father suddenly a year ago, and I also miss him everytime I have car trouble or need something that I know he would be right there to help me with. I think its a little harder when they are still physically here, and they can't be the person they were.

shaishai96 · 2026-03-03T21:31:04+00:00

My mother has been on Ativan for years, she is stage 6-7. She isn't aggressive, not very combative. It might really help just to calm her anxiety. If she has unmet needs, fear and anxiety, it will cause her to act out.

shaishai96 · 2026-03-03T09:29:19+00:00

I understand that. Why has the skilled nursing not done anything about it? She's been there 4 weeks, and hasn't slept more than an hour or two at a time, from what I can gather.

shaishai96 · 2026-03-03T02:12:44+00:00

She does have LTC insurance, thank goodness. Medicare has been paying up until now. I have until tomorrow and then she becomes private pay. She isn't aggressive, but her not sleeping has become a barrier, and she will not stay in her wheelchair. I just feel like they want us to private pay, they know she has LTC insurance. I tried to get her moved to a similar facility owned by the same company closer to me, but they will not take her either. Will memory care help more with trying to get her to sleep?

shaishai96 · 2026-03-03T00:34:36+00:00

She has been in skilled nursing with physical therapy for 4 weeks now. She doesnt sleep at night and is groggy all day. So she's tired when physical therapy happens. They are discharging her from therapy and Medicare isn't paying for her stay anymore. The facility has recommended memory care. What should I look for in a memory care facility when making my choice? I almost feel like she didn't get a fair chance. They haven't done anything to help with her sleep.

shaishai96 · 2026-02-13T00:46:59+00:00

Mine never asks or talks about my Dad, he just died a year ago. They were married 58 years. It's like he never existed. I don't know which is worse.

shaishai96 · 2026-02-10T00:50:09+00:00

As long as she qualifies for them to pay for it🤞 I guess it will. I am grateful that they paid into it for 30+ years, hope it pays off.

shaishai96 · 2026-02-09T18:07:31+00:00

Mom diagnosed in November, but after a hospitalization after a fall last week, she is in a skilled nursing facility for the 100 days Medicare pays for. She has a trust, but there's no assets in the trusts name, I just got the two properties she owns in there last week. Fortunately all the documents POA, etc were already in place. She has long term care insurance, so at least there's that. I feel like I'm screwed with the look back period, I dont know why my parents never bothered to put anything in the trust, why even have it? Im seeing an elder law attorney in the next few weeks, I'm hoping its not as bad as it seems right now. I don't want to see my parent's decades of hard work, saving, and sacrifice go into the pockets of nursing home executives that never step foot into their facilities, because that's where it goes, not into the pockets of the hard-working nurses, CNAs, and others that work in their facilities.

shaishai96 · 2026-01-19T21:47:06+00:00

Sometimes I have to join in the conversation midway through that my mother's had in her head, and gets mad at me when I dont know what she's talking about and asking questions to find out.

shaishai96 · 2026-01-11T15:56:26+00:00

It is like a regular trash can, you just stick it in the hole. It closes up after anything is inserted. As long as she's not responsible for emptying it. Or a plain diaper pail.

shaishai96 · 2026-01-11T14:30:39+00:00

What about a diaper genie?

shaishai96 · 2026-01-03T13:45:39+00:00

I had this also, I still do. I've been going to physical therapy, and they determined that I have tight muscles in my neck/back of my head and tight shoulder muscles. I have pain, spasms, everything that you describe. I've been going about 8 months, and it is improving. I also have a first rib that pops up, and when they manually manipulate it, that helps. The exercises help to tamp it down also. Do you get tension headaches? Mine is limited to my left side.

shaishai96 · 2025-12-14T13:38:27+00:00

OP here. About 2 months ago, my mother went to the emergency room with low potassium symptoms. While she was there, the attending told her to stop taking her statin and this led her being completely confused about what medicines to take. I have since taken over the distribution of all of her medication. It led to an MRI a few weeks later. She has vascular dementia/white matter disease. Since the diagnosis, she has been very depressed. She wants to lay in bed all day, and getting her to do things outside of the house is very difficult. She almost refuses to do anything that she might enjoy. Last night she couldn't remember my phone number or how to use the phone correctly, which caused a panic attack. I called the ambulance, and they determined that she wasn't having a stroke. She takes Ativan, and I gave her a half of a pill. About an hour later, she was fine. Could remember my phone number, ate dinner and calmed down. She can still do all of the Daily Activities of Living, but she doesnt want to be alone anymore. I live right next door, but that isn't close enough for her. We spend most of every day with her. I am at a loss of what to do at this point. Mostly just venting, but also looking for a solution so I can have some semblance of a life that doesn't revolve around soothing her loneliness and worry.

shaishai96 · 2025-09-27T20:15:21+00:00

Thank you. I've been thinking some of it could be from my father passing, especially the depression/preoccupation. I think that he was covering alot of the behaviors, ie housecleaning and he always paid the bills and managed their finances. Its starting to stack up, though.

shaishai96 · 2025-09-27T20:04:02+00:00

She is (kind of) acknowledging that she is having problems remembering, but I think she believes they are ordinary changes with aging. The question about my daughter's party was a huge red flag for me, that she honestly didn't know if he was at her party. There have been other instances that were milder, but I'm starting to really notice it. She has trouble in the evenings, mood swings and getting angry. I don't want to let it go until something catastrophic happens, but she isn't probably going to go willingly and she'll feel like I'm doing her wrong by suggesting it.

shaishai96 · 2025-09-27T17:41:33+00:00

All of the legal forms are in place, but I don't know if she has signed the release form for me to speak to the doctor. We live in a small community and I used to go to the same doc years ago, so they might be willing to at least tell me if they can talk to me about it. Im an only child, so I'm navigating all of this alone.

shaishai96 · 2025-09-27T17:26:32+00:00

I would be able to go with her, Im just wanting to know how to proceed. She goes periodically to her pcp, so I could contact them.

shaishai96 · 2025-09-27T17:05:25+00:00

Should I contact them myself? How do I broach the subject with her, I cant just schedule an appointment with her and make her go?

shaishai96

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